I'm tired of this shit. Totally tired of it. You see these men to my right? They are going to Eric's house to do a hit since he can't understand the basic concepts of the gooch and gambling courtesy. Now the two events don't seem to severe, but when they come from a guy who understands how I am, I get pissed.
1. Saturday morning- Eric and I are having a very pleasant conversation about college football and I tell him my wagers for the day and we move on. In one of our later conversations he tells me that he is rooting for a meaningless FG by Syracuse to cover the spread. What??? Did he bet on the game? No. Then why the fuck is he saying that to me. This was one of my bigger games of the day for me and he is openly rooting against me. Well what happens? Syracuse gets a late FG and covers the spread and I lose. I'm pissed. Why? Since Eric had no interest in the game but he for some reason decided to root against me. And for all the real gamblers out there, we know that Eric is the root cause on why WV didn't cover. That is what we call a dick move. Its one thing if we both have money on the game but on different teams, and this happens all the time and it is fine to talk shit to each other, but in this scenario, where Eric had no vested interest and I had a decent amount of money on the game (and he knew this) I felt that it was wrong and he should be punished by taking us all out to eat at Bobby Flays. All in favor say yes. Yes. Ok lets move on to issue number two.
2. Watching the A's game on Saturday and they are up 3-0. Eric texts me the following message "Good Job so far". Now I would let it pass if it was my Dad or Carol doing this since they have no idea what they are doing, but Eric knows how I am with this type of thing. I hold him to a higher standard. Don't gooch it. Don't say a word. Why would you ever do this? I mean even Ben knows not to say anything to me about this stuff. He doesn't understand but he knows. And of all people, Eric should know the best. So his punishment for this is to wear a shirt that I'm making him out in Vegas. It is the Rules of the Gooch shirt. This was Carol's idea and I love it.
12 comments:
Wow.
#1 - I really take issue with the "no interest" and "no vested interest".
As you recall, we have the Eric v Derek wager going again this year. I lost to Derek last year by 1 1/2 game - I lost about $75 in basketball pool entry fees.
Every game counts. Period. One game here may mean the difference in a $150 swing later on.
So don't tell me I have no interest. If I don't, then pay me now and I will be more than happy to root for you.
Also, by your argument, I expect you to be rooting for the Angels/Mariners/Rangers next year in games outside the division in May.
2. What do the words "so far" mean? I rest my case. There's no future projection there. I believe you have said those things to me at the halftime of the Ravens-Browns game.
"so far" , Derek, "so far". Geesh, re-take English with Mrs. Hardin, please.
1. FU. Honestly. I knew you were going to say that and that is bullshit. And the sad thing is you know it too. Just say your sorry and move on. Next time on the craps table, I'll lay down $5 and root against you the entire time. How will that feel? Or I'll lay down $5 at the BJ table and cheer for a dealer blackjack.
2. You should know better than to say anything. Period.
See, you have a fundamental misundertanding of the situation.
Why would you lay down $5 at the blackjack table and root for a dealer blackjack? that makes no sense, just like the rest of your argument.
I'll apologize for #2 before #1. And maybe I do need to learn more about the gooch. Exactly how would you define it, anyway?
May I say "Nice World Series Win in 1989?" Would that be a gooch?
This is a pretty funny brotherly spat. Chris and Rich would be proud....
1. You are right. Don't know what I was saying. Subtract the money and I will openly root for the house. How would you like that. Then I would just tell you that I have stock in the casino. Is that better???? I'll just stop with this since you are completely not understanding. Jay, Wiz, Gooch, and Lee...please chim in. If you guys say that I'm out of line for being pissed on number 1 or 2, I'll stop.
2. Yup. Keep your mouth shut.
The Gooch-
A comment or action that causes the exact opposite of a desired result to those with vested interest. Can make the impossible become possible. Has been known to cause hell to freeze over and make pigs fly.
Has been known to cause short conversations....
I'm looking into seeing if the gooch has been identified as the cause for the Bears wearing Red and White tonight, while the Cardinals wear the White and Blue.
I have also learned that the gooch can have long term effect.
Last week I was screwed by a commishioner in my Fantasy Football league who allowed the opponent I was facing to drop his QB on Sunday, find out he didn't have a starting QB,and reverse the transaction. I was told by him that it was only Matt Leinart, what's he gonna do, he couldn't hurt me. I have now lost two straight weeks thanks to Matt Leinart.
-DZ, Sorry that EZ's comments ignited my fury.
Gooch:
Two things.
1) You must have gooched the Cards with your comment?
2) Do you ever learn anything about the gooch? It seems every year Derek has a story about you and a comment like that. You never learn, do you?
EZ:
1. All who understands (and respects) the gooch, realizes that what I did/said/typed yesterday was technically a "reverse gooch." I explained to DZ that my own fantasy football going into Monday night was down 6 points. I told him that all of my opponents players had played so he had no one left. I then informed him that not only did I have a starting and at the time a top 5 fantasy QB (Grossman), a top 2 K (Gould), but the best Fantasy DEF (Chicago) still to play. Well, until the last 8 minutes of MNF, I was losing by 3 points (the impossible was happpening). I needed to reverse myself.
Grossman-stellar -12 performance, Congratulations donkey.
2. For whatever reason EZ, the gooch does not seem to affect you. not only have you went 23-6-3 over theh past two weeks, you have been able to avoid my wrath while calling out the scores pretty accurately. I will get you my pretty.
3. FU Matt Leinart.
Hard for me to argue for you since I'm usually rooting against you. But readers of the blog will be happy to know that I root against you for the good of the blog, because I strongly believe that Angry Derek = Funny Derek. So Gooch away, Eric!
I have always mantained that the gooch is a non-existent concept that has absolutely no impact on any event, sporting or otherwise.
However, that said, as a sports fan who has other idiosyncracies, I respect people like Derek who believe in the gooch and, as such, I will not invoke it related to a sporting event of any kind. Sorry again about that Michael Vick touchdown against Minnesota in OT Derek; that was a mistake!
But I will continue to prove that the gooch does not exist by using it liberally in non-sports settings, such as with the traffic driving back from OC from Jon's bachelor party.
Hocus pocus, baby. Hocus pocus.
OK, so its final. Everyone coming to the wedding will get the rules of the gooch on a tee shirt. And Lee, thanks...thanks a lot. I know I can always count on you.
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