Ever had a pregame discussion with a buddy before going out with a couple of girls on who gets who? First, I feel like I'm back in college, and secondly I feel like a congressman bargaining to make sure his district gets some pork in a bill that's about to pass. "If you take Patti, then you pay for dinner and you have to drive so I can get drunk and take one for the team." And this brings up a good question...Why am I always taking one for the team. Man, it seems like this has been happening a lot more often than I would like over the past couple of months. I think I need to hire a negotiator to handle these things for me upfront since my friends continue to take advantage of the fact that I really don't care until shit starts going down at dinner or at the bar and I'm stuck with some she-male who has me in a half nelson and is licking my eyebrow as I try to catch the late scores on ESPN. Why can't I just find a nice girl, or one of those girls I hear about in all those Ludacris songs; I'm not asking for much, just a women that acts like a lady in public, but she is a freak in the bed, or something like that...whatever! I know how this will end tonight and it will probably involve some Irish Car bombs, a $200 tab that I will somehow get stuck with or offer to cover, and doing the Icky shuffle to that banana song by No Doubt with about 5 average looking chics while my friend looks on and laughs while he closes the deal with Patti. Good times man, Good times. Oh and Lee, I don't care if you have a kid now, so expect a call around 3:00 tonight. Paybacks are a bitch.
Tomorrow's topic: Is there any correlation between gaining weight and increased comedic ability?
4 comments:
Is her name really patti? You're kvetching about a girl named patti? And yes I did say kvetching. And yes your brother is a playoff scenario madman. There are equations in that head that are shrouded in a mist of P&G industrial chemical. Anyway, great stuff, from one tub to another. No go recover your fumble from last night.
Wow. There are so many references in here that I don't get. I don't know any Ludacris songs; what the hell is an Irish Car?; I don't know what the banana dance is. Is this what single life is in the mid-00s?
You should go to church with my friend Steve. I know this sounds off track, but it's not. He went with us one Sunday in Cincinnati - he immediately picked out three women that "look Holy, but you now 5 years ago in college they were screamin "holy $##!" during their orgies." So Steve may help you find that kind of woman.
And the Cincinnatian in me want to point out that it is "Ickey", not "Icky".
Lee will probably be up at 3:00, so that won't be a payback. The way to get at time is to call him at 1 pm or so as the baby just goes down for her nap - and Lee is trying to get some sleep of his own.
Regarding tomorrow's topic; weight gain certainly increases comedic ability. Just look at John Pinette (www.johnpinette.com).
Eric,
An Irish Car Bomb is a drink, and its not a banana dance, but its a song, that I know that you have heard since its been on the radio every second for the last 6 months. And I have tried church and those girls are worse than everyone else
Funny, the banana song is not played on my station, Sirius 4, "Sirius Movin' Easy".
This is why satellite radio is so great. You don't get the same song once every 20 minutes.
( I think I do know the song, however. Gwen sings it, right? Bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s!)
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