Weird Vegas stories

The wild and wacky adventures this past weekend that I experienced...none of the characters below involve any one on the trip:

Sports Book #1:
So I'm standing in line behind a mid-40s guy, clearly some sort of convention attendee. He goes up to the book and asks...
"How do I make a $100 bet?"

OK - a beginner's questions. No problem. The teller states that he can either make a $99 bet to win $90 or a $110 bet to win $100.

The next question, though...

"So what do I have to bet if I want to win $120?"

What the hell kind of question is this?

Sports Book #2:
Saturday night, I go up and place the Ole Miss ladies bet:

Me: "$44 on 4638, please"
Teller types.....it comes up Ole Miss -4.5
immediately after that comes up, the teller breaks into song:

Teller:
"HODDY TODDY
ARE YOU READY???
Hell yes, damn right!!!
hoddy toddy gosh almighty
who in the hell are we...HEY!!!
flim flam, bim bam
OLE MISS BY DAMN!!! "

There is a blank stare in my face...

Teller: "Ole Miss grad here - class of 87 - damn proud of those Rebels!"

I should have said what was on my mind , which was along the lines of what Rhett Butler said to Scarlett O'Hara.
I mumbled something about "please just give me my ticket..." and slowly backed away.

Sports Book #3:
Friday morning as I am deliberating.... the trash-collector in the book comes up with his broom and dustpan.

"Do you want a tip?"
I didn't have time to respond before he started again.
"Take the Long Beach and Albany money line parlay. Big money! They're both going to win."

I politely thanked him for his advice.... but I should have asked him a couple of questions...
"You're job is working the 4 am - noon cleanup shift in the book, right? So should I assume that your handicapping abilities may be less than stellar?"

I should say what's on my mind more often.

Poker #1
I'll never forget this hand for a while.
I'm in middle position, I look down and see 8-7 suited (diamonds). No callers before me, I decided to splurge and throw the $2 blind in. Two more players call, and both blinds are playing - so we have 5 players. I will act 3rd.

Flop comes 2 of clubs - 2 of spades - 4 of diamonds

Well, I think, that was a waste. I get ready to toss my cards.

Two checks before me. I check. Two more checks.

Well, we're going to see a free card!

Turn comes 10 of hearts. 2-2-4-10 on the board.

Well, that sucked. That's how you lose money, I thought - you have no business being here. Oh well, it's only $2....

Two more checks in front. I happily say check! - and two more checks follow.

How am I now in at the river on this hand???

The river comes 4 of hearts.

The board is now 2-2-4-4-10, no flush possible.

I take my chip off my cards....

and then the first player throws his hand in!!! There has been no bet yet, of course....

The second player does the same!!!!

I'm sitting there in shock - someone mumbles something about "you know, you could have checked....."

and before I can act, the 4th guy - the guy to my left who should be acting after me - mucks his hand too!!!!!

Again, there was no bet!

So now I find myself heads-up with a hand that can't beat the board.

I say "check?". The last players responds with a resigned "check...."

I turn over my 8-7; he turns over a 7-6.

We split the $10 pot.

Two of the guys who folded were pissed. "You guys didn't have a face card? I would have won that hand with my (Q-3) or (J-6)!!"

Well, as Kermit would say, "Sorry for your luck".