Honeymoon Part 2

So married life is starting. I was told once I got home I was to retract two comments I made about Carol in the prior post.

1. Carol was not confused when I left the table. She fully understood.
2. It was only awkward for about 30 minutes in the car ride to Dulles and not 5 hours just in case anyone was wondering.

Well now, can anyone help me find my balls? (retraction for this comment will be on the next post)

Onto the other random comments about the honeymoon:

1. Drink Service- Jose on the pool deck was my best friend. He remembered my name after the second order and was following me around the entire trip. Once again, not in an annoying way but in a fantastic drunkards fantasy type of way. Carol or I were never without a beer or a cocktail whenever we were on that deck.

2. Mexico- What a fucking dump. WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLE DUMP!!!!! Mexican Riveria sounds like such a nice place, but in all honesty I would rather spend 10 days at The Riviera casino in Vegas. First stop Acapulco. DUMP. We didn't plan anything to do off the ship since we sort of wanted to just walk around. We get there and get off the boat and we are instantly mobbed by 100 guys trying to get us into a cab. Best case scenario if we got into one of these guy's cabs would be that Carol would be kidnapped and I would end up dead in the gutter. BEST CASE!!! After 1/4 mile and 40 minutes later we make it to a museum. The main fort to the port. Had some cool stuff and had some weird local cultural shit like how the people in Acapulco celebrate the leopard. Sounds OK at first until you see some of the costumes that they dress up in once a year to do some dances and shit. Now I'm not joking when I say this, but I really think they stole some PJs from Freddie and Warren and just put them in an exhibit. Carol and I could not stop laughing at all the pictures and the "real" costumes they had there on display. I wish we had a camera. Went back to the boat, dropped off some stuff and then took a cab ride to the ghetto to go to a market that someone was talking about. This market makes the Compton swap meet seem like Tyson's corner. We walked around for about an hour and listened to every man, women, and kid's pitch to buy their crap. You can tell how crappy something is, when you ask them the price and they tell you that it is $250. Then you walk away and it is now $150. Then you walk out the door and all of a sudden it is now $50. This happened several times. We made it back to the boat safe and sound.

3. Next stop- Izxaptan- Never saw the town. Carol got sick, went to the infirmary and I read "Liar's Poker" by Michael Lewis. Excellent book and an excellent topic. I believe that this was probably 10 times better than being molested again by 25 older men trying to get me into their cab or being tugged on by 3 80 year old women to buy their pottery.

4. Next stop- Mazallino- Biggest port in Mexico. And you know what happens by Mexicans have real jobs? They don't bother you when you get off the boat. One 2 taxi guys there when Carol and I got off the boat to go do a snorkel excursion. We get on the boat to go to this little island to do some snorkeling and I'm actually excited. Nice sites, you can actually see the hills and houses since the pollution isn't too bad, and the weather was excellent. But as we get closer, Carol and I notice that the water is pretty dirty. Still pretty green. We drop anchor and Carol and I are now just so confused. Snorkeling in dirty green water? Doesn't sound like much fun. So Carol and I jump in and the guide takes us over to the supposed coral. On the way there the water just smells like crap and you can't see anything in the water. As we are swimming I tap Carol on the shoulder, I get all excited and to tell her that I think I just saw Hepatitis B right below us. This made Carol laugh and intake about a gallon worth of dirty Mexican green water. Great now my wife won't be able to have kids because of one of my jokes. Anyway we get back on board and go home to some great tunes that is pumping on the boat by the local Mexicans. Nothing like listening to the Macarena and watching middle aged women dance to it. This I did get a picture of.

5. The rest of the time was spent on the ocean. Just wonderful. I can't say enough about it. And guess what happened????? Yup, I had some lime. Blew up just as bad as I did on my wedding night. Swallowed about 3 pills, threw up, and passed out.

6. Boat Activities- The boat really doesn't plan anything for you if you are between the ages of 25-50. Most of the things are geared to young kids and older adults. That is probably why cruises get a bad rap. But what else do you want to do other than lay out on the top deck, swim, drink, eat, go to the spa, gamble, ping pong, basketball, workout, driving range, and play putt putt. There are also about 3-4 different night clubs for dancing which Carol and I never made it to. We were in bed by 9:00 almost every night since we drank and ate too much during the day.

All in all, it was one of the best times I've ever had on vacation.