Golf Update

Well, for those of you who are sick of getting golf updates from someone who can't break 80 in these tournaments, this is for you!

Had a wildly successful weekend in Iowa, finishing 20th at the Iowa Masters by shooting 77-72-70=219 (+3). $100 worth of merchandise from the Iowa State Pro Shop is coming my way; look to see me in a snappy Cyclone windbreaker sometime soon.

Highlights of the trip:

Thu 5:30 eastern: leave Lima, OH, and get partially lost trying to leave the city
Thu 8:00 eastern: find a random 18-hole course in Plymouth, IN and play 9 holes; after about 4 holes, I don't putt anymore since the greens are slightly slower than shag carpeting.
Fri 2:30 eastern(1:30 Central) am: Pull into Iowa City and make last call at the Sports Column.
Fri 3:00 am central: Crash at Joey's place.

Fri 6:45 am central: Awaken to Joey's female roommate carrying on on her cell phone. Argh.
Fri 11:00 am: Drive to Ames
Fri 2:20 pm: Tee off with the Korean professor and two others. Start +4 after 7 holes.
Fri 5:35 pm: Finish the front nine. Yes, you read that right.
Fri 8:15: Finish the round with a 77, which includes a double on 16 when my perfectly placed lay up shot finds a hole - not a divot - in the fairway. A skull and a couple of bad chips later, I make 7. Stats from Friday: 8 fwys, 7 greens, 30 putts, 5/9 up and down, 1 double.
Fri 11:30: Crash, being dead tired.

Sat 5:15 am: Alarm goes off. I have massive headache. Head to the Kum N Go for Motrin.
Sat 6:55 am: Tee off. I figure I need a 76 to be safe to make the cut for Sunday.
Sat ~7:30 am: On the 2nd hole, I hit my tee shot on a par 4 into the water. Double. Nice job, idiot.
Then I proceed to go -2 for the remaining 16 holes. I played smart; short game was on, and a couple of putts fell. The only bogey (after #2) was on 17, a par 3, when the group was talking about the UFC fight that night; this guy kept talking about his run-in with a UFC fighter in Minneapolis AS I AM TRYING TO LINE UP A CHIP. Thanks! He then proceeds to try to imitate a knee-to-the-head blow, but as he does it, he immediately remarks "ooh! My back!".
That's a nice pre-shot thought. I blow an easy 40-foot chip 20 feet by the hole. Thanks.

Final stats for Saturday: 10 fwys, 11 greens, 28 putts, 5/6 up& downs, 1 double. 72.

Get back to the hotel around 1; eat 9 pieces of pizza at the Old Chicago buffet; sleep until 5.

Sat 8:00 pm: Get dinner with some friends from Iowa City who came up
Sat 9:30 pm: Find a bar with UFC on it. God, what a disappointment.

Sat 11:45 pm: UFC finished up. Should we crash for the night (with an 8 am tee time) or go out?

Sun 12:30 am: In a bar in downtown Ames, where I am clearly the oldest person in the bar, by a good 5 years (even though I was carded). It took all my willpower to turn down shots that night.
Sun 2:00 am: Closing time.
Sun 2:45 am: Asleep, I think.

Sun 6:30 am: Alarm. God, it's early. I ache - but no splitting headache.
Sun 7:45 am: At the range, thinking my swing is nowhere in sight as I top 3 consecutive 5-woods in a row.

Round begins:
#2: Bogey.....hoo boy, this is going to be a long day.
#4: Get up and down from 5 yards in front of the green
#6: Get up and down from 10 yards in front of the green
#7: Get up and down from 35 yards in front of the green
#8: Thin a 5 iron to 4 feet, birdie.
#9: Wedge to 15 feet, birdie.
#11: Par 3; go halfway down a hill left of the green, 25 yards away; chip to 4 feet, par.
#12: Get up and down from 5 yards in front of the green
#13: Get up and down from 5 yards left of the green
#14: Get up and down from a bunker 10 yards from the green
#15: Get up and down from 25 yards in front of the green (made a 15 footer)
#17: Get up and down from 5 yards left of the green
#18: From 85 yards out, chunk a wedge; then proceed to hole the chip shot. Birdie.

How about these stats:
9 fwys, 8 greens, 24 PUTTS, 9/10 up and downs. 70.

The best thing about it is that I was playing with a D-I scholarship golfer who hit the ball at least 40 yards further than me. I can't even imagine what he was thinking - me, whose drives all day were 220-yard high hooks, was kicking his ass. I love doing that.

Bob Wickman (the putter) was Mariano Rivera for that round. In fact, he has an active streak of 50 (FIFTY) straight non-3-putt greens.

The more I think about the course, the more I love it. It is not a bomber's paradise; it is a 6600 yard layout that you have to think your way around. Driver is needed on only about 5-6 holes. There are plenty of 310-yd par 4 where 6s or 7s can be made by excellent golfer. The key is that woods and crap that line the fairways and greens are NOT hazards - they are part of the "course" where (if you can't find the ball) you have to hit provisionals. One guy on the second day hit 4 balls from the tee on a par 3 - because his first 3 shots missed the green by about 5 yards, kicked down a wooded hill and was lost.

I love those types of courses. You have to control every shot. Success is not measured by how good your shot was, but if you avoided the danger successfully. You can't fire at a lot of flags - period. If you do, you open yourself up to doubles or worse.

Today's young golfers can't play those types of courses. They can't think. Every hole is a driver (or, at worst, a 3 wood) for them. I saw it out there and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There's no such thing as playing conservative - hell, there's no such thing as game planning, I think.
On these short par 4s, sure, you bring 3 more into play (and you can possibly even make 2) , but now 6, 7 or worse is a significant probability. The junk is literally 5 yards off a green that is 17 yards deep. That's not a big target. Why go for it? This is stroke play. I don't understand today's young golfers. And if they keep having these cocky attitudes, I guess I have no choice but to beat them with my Pat Buchanan style of play.