Boca fucking Raton

Ahhhh, Boca Raton. What a shit hole. How much white trash and old people can they jam into a 5 mile strip of beach? And thank you US Air for once again fucking up my travel plans. Couple of notes from the trip:

1. I think Ft. Lauderdale is the capital of the Crotch Rocket Nation. Jesus, I must of seen at least 500 bikes down there, ad maybe half of the people riding weren't wearing helmets, shirts, or any protective gear. Reason number 1,237 why Farmers doesn't write business down in Florida. Idiots.

2. Can we please incorporate a driving test for people who are older than 70? Jesus, it is amazing to see multiple Cadillac's cut across 4 lanes of traffic to make a right hand turn within 30 feet and to see people driving close to 40 MPH on the highway. Combine this with all of the crotch rockets and it is a recipe for disaster.

3. Traveling Tip #1: Stay off the roads between 3:00pm-6:00pm due to the early bird rush.

4. Traveling Tip #2: Every restaurant empties out at 6:00pm, so there is no problems securing a reservation at a nice restaurant around 8:00pm. Only nice thing about this area.

5. Can someone please talk with the local architects in Florida. Mauve colored condo complexes just look awful. So does plain white concrete blocks stacked 200 feet high right on the beach. It looks like oceanfront section 8 housing. I have never seen a city look so disgusting just based on the color of all of their buildings.

6. I never imagined that playing cards with a 92 year old Italian women would be as much fun as it was. I played a game called Spite and Malice with Carol's grandmother and I never imagined that I would be on the receiving end of some nasty shit talking from an older women. I was able to put her in her place by kicking her ass three times in a row.

7. Grandmother continued: Italian women, no matter how old, can still make the best Italian food. God I must of eaten close to 5-6 pounds of pasta and other shit on Saturday night. And it wasn't like I had a choice. These women get so offended if you don't eat everything!! Thank god I love food.

8. Shared a room with Carol and her sister Molly. Great time, except for the night that I had Taco Bell. Ever tried to take a quiet shit while lighting a match? I'm not that coordinated. It never works. I came out of the bathroom and had to deal with the frightened looks of two girls as if they just witnessed a murder. Diffused the situation quickly by making an official speech apologizing to the ladies on behalf of my family and friends. And I had been so good for the other 3 days.

9. Played pool at some dive bar. Molly was a little drunk and ended up flirting with a 40 year old Marine named Randy. Randy ends up joining us for some pool and Molly continues to flirt with him. Molly being drunk does not realize that Randy is following her around like some poor little puppy. I could actually see the desperation ooze from his skin. About an hour into it, I make a little comment to Molly about her flirting tactics with Randy, and Molly is totally oblivious to the entire situation. Then all of a sudden she decides that we all must leave and just drops her pool stick and walks out. Carol follows her and I end up having one of the most awkward conversations with a desperate 40 year Marine. He ends up giving me his business card and expresses to me how much he liked Molly and that we need to hang out tomorrow. I tell him that we will call and quickly run out the door, hoping that he isn't somehow waiting for me and the girls out in the parking lot.

10. At the bar, they were replaying old Florida St.-Miami football games on the big screen. I had to watch Baseball tonight on what seemed like a 12 inch TV, but could watch Charlie Ward scramble around in the backfield on a 60 flat screen.

11. Went for a jog on Monday and somehow got lost in a business park. I couldn't find my way back to the hotel for the life of me. I actually stopped and asked a security guard directions, and this asshole tells me that the hotel is a mile away in one direction, and then shows up in his little cart 10 minutes later to tell me that he told me the wrong way. I guess I should thank him for telling me, but I should make a complaint since he just turned around his little cart and shot off. I actually could of used a ride since my run was then coming close to exceeding an hour in the nice pleasant 95 degree heat with 100% humidity. Lovely run. Just lovely. I hate fucking Florida.