OK, the one day mourning period is over, and now I am ready to move on without LeCharles Bentley. The productivity of our offensive line is now in the hands of.... Bob Hallen!?!? Oh well, the Browns haven't had a decent offensive line since, oh, 1989 - what's one more year?
Anyway,
1) I guess the LeCharles bad luck cancels out my good luck from earlier in the week - I got my 3rd hole in one! #16 at the Vineyard. The ballw as about 5 yards offline, kicked off the fringe and went screaming toward the hole - then hit the flag dead on, stayed there for about a half second and then dropped. Witnesses were my friend Craig, a co-worker of Don's from the Lima plant, and... well, Don technically wasn't a witness since he was too busy urinating behind some trees when the shot was struck. He did come running out of the woods when I let out my teenage-girl like scream.
2) Coincidence? Since Bob Wickman was traded, my putting has been abysmal. My 3-putt-less streak came to a crashing halt at Cook's Creek on Sunday, where I hit the ball preetty well and shot 80 - with 4 3-putts. My personal streak ended at 79 holes.
On Monday, at the Vineyard, I had 2 more 3-putts.
(However, I took another lesson last week, and things seem to be clicking. My ball striking is the best it has been this year. If I can keep that up next week, and get the putting going again....)
Kermit, by the way, now has an active streak of 110 holes without 3-jacking. I play with him Monday at Apple Valley, a course that has some big greens.
Next tournament is next week at Apple valley, the Ohio Public Golfers Tournament. It's a possible 4 round deal, depending on how well I do. I found out that I am paired with a 16-yeard old high schooler, and 2 20-something Divinsion II/III college kids. That will be fun. My Dad with the cigars and me with my boring style of play - can't wait to frustrate the young kids.
Jul 28, 2006
Jul 27, 2006
Top Five Dirty Little Addictions from this past week
5. Princess Leah's Line from Star Wars- Whenever someone is bitching at me (Ben), I've started to use Leah's line to Darth Vader when he pulls over her ship. "Lord Vader I should of known" in the most whinny voice is classic. I guess its much funnier in person than in writing.
4. Even better than Leah's line is the Emperor's line that Ben has nailed me on about 5-6 times over the past two days. "Only a Sith Lord speaks in absolutes". God this kills me everytime. And yes I know that we are big losers.
3. Text Messaging- I hate doing it, used to make fun of people doing it, and now fuck, I can't stop it.
2. Tivo- Look at this list of crap that I've been tivoing on a regular basis: The Hillz, Road Rules vs. Real World Fresh Meat, Project Runway, Monk, and Reno 911. God what crap.
1. Miracle Whip- I honestly put this on everything. Most recently I have mixed it in with my pasta sauce to give it a very tangy flavor.
4. Even better than Leah's line is the Emperor's line that Ben has nailed me on about 5-6 times over the past two days. "Only a Sith Lord speaks in absolutes". God this kills me everytime. And yes I know that we are big losers.
3. Text Messaging- I hate doing it, used to make fun of people doing it, and now fuck, I can't stop it.
2. Tivo- Look at this list of crap that I've been tivoing on a regular basis: The Hillz, Road Rules vs. Real World Fresh Meat, Project Runway, Monk, and Reno 911. God what crap.
1. Miracle Whip- I honestly put this on everything. Most recently I have mixed it in with my pasta sauce to give it a very tangy flavor.
I don't want to hear it
Life is not fair. period.
I know Derek will post some smart ass comment - I'll try to ignore it.
What a deal. Can't we get any breaks?
I know Derek will post some smart ass comment - I'll try to ignore it.
What a deal. Can't we get any breaks?
Jul 25, 2006
BREAKING NEWS
Harold Reynolds is out at ESPN
I'm at a loss to explain this. Why?
So, for you Baseball Tonight junkies, that's more Kruk and Destrade, I guess.....
I'm at a loss to explain this. Why?
So, for you Baseball Tonight junkies, that's more Kruk and Destrade, I guess.....
Jul 23, 2006
Woman President? Not so fast
I've been thinking about the question of us having a woman president soon. My conclusion is that if it is not Hillary, it's going to be a long while - maybe something like 2030 - until the US is ready to elect a woman.
The reason is simple - our political parties have no high-profile woman officeholders coming up the pipeline that can be seriously called presidential. The parties work very much like baseball teams, with state and local offices being the "minor leagues". Those positions weed out the inferior candidates and the best of the best survive to hold congressional seats and governors.
Most, if not all, of our presidential nominees had experience as either Senators or Governors, or (in rare cases, like George HI Bush) held the Vice Presidency. I can't think of a major nominee whose only experience was a Representative. W, Kerry, Gore (who was a senator), Clinton, Dole, HI Bush, Dukakis, Mondale, Reagan, Carter.....
So that limits the field of who could actually legitimately run for and win the Presidency. I believe that the president in 2008, 2012, 2016 and 2020 is someone we have heard of today, and is holding office today. I know there are counterexamples (like Bush today, who advanced quickly up the chain due to his name, and Carter, who was the beneficiary of an extraordinary political time), but I believe my thought is more the rule.
So - where are we today in terms of women? Where are they in the roles that are traditionally stepping stones to the Presidency?
Let's look at Senators, first.
The Democrats:
Hillary (NY): the only one with the gravitas and the experience to be able to serve. You can make your own judgement on this one.
Boxer and Feinstein (CA): Sorry, but I think the nation is not ready for a liberal California senator to be president. Just the geography of it does not make sense.
Lincoln (AR): Not sure; has not done much in the senate in the past 4 years to make any sort of name for herself.
Landrieu (LA): Won a tough reelection, and is a great campaigner. This is a possibility, since she has crossed over and can't be called a liberal; however, for that reason, she may be un-nominatable in the current Democratic party.
Stabenow (MI): No. Sorry.
Mikulski (MD): I hate to say it, but you have to look presidential to be considered. That's why Steve Forbes isn't our president. And she doesn't seem to have any need to go for higher office.
Murray and Cantwell (WA): Both are considered political lightweights. No.
The Republicans:
Hutchison (TX): Her time has come and gone. She is actually talking about retiring.
Dole (NC): We've sampled this plate, thank you. No.
Murkowski (AK): When you win your first election under charges of favoritism from your father, the governor, then you have a LONG way to go. And it is Alaska - no.
Snowe, Collins (ME): Too moderate for the main party. No.
So outside of Hillary, I think there are no serious candidates for the Presidency from the Senate. What about governors?
Democrats:
Miner (DE): no.
Granholm (MI): has the looks and the charisma, but was born in Canada. Ineligible.
Blanco (LA): Not after Katrina.
Sebelius (KS), Napolitano (AZ): Two democrats who were elected in red states. Two to watch out for.
Republicans:
Martz (MT): No.
Lingle (HI): See Murkowski above, without the favoritism charge. It's Hawaii, for goodness sake!
Walker (UT): No.
Rell (CT): No.
In the future, there are two here to watch out for - Kathleen Sebelius and Janet Napolitano. However, they are at least 8 years off, if not more.
I exclude Condi Rice since I think you need to have some sort of elective office experience in order to run.
In the long term future, there are probably several candidates that are in the House now (or in statehouses somewhere) that have bright futures. Two I can think of offhand are Anne Northrup (R-Ky), who has been consistently elected in a marginal Louisville district for the past 10 years, and Shelly Moore Capito (R-WV), who probably would have ran for the Senate if cryogenic Robert Byrd decided to retire - he did not, so she's waiting her time. Both of those ladies have a Senate seat waiting for them (McConnell's in KY, Byrd or Rockefeller in WV) if they choose to enter. But as I said, that's a long way off.
And I'm sure there are a few Democratic women house members that are elected in toss-up or red states, although I can't think of any offhand. Herseth in SD?
So - I'm sure I bored you with this analysis - but the bottom line is if Hillary doesn't win in 08, I think it will be at least 2016 until we see a serious credible woman candidate for the Presidency, and I think the best guess on who that could be is either Kathleen Sebelius or Janet Napolitano.
The reason is simple - our political parties have no high-profile woman officeholders coming up the pipeline that can be seriously called presidential. The parties work very much like baseball teams, with state and local offices being the "minor leagues". Those positions weed out the inferior candidates and the best of the best survive to hold congressional seats and governors.
Most, if not all, of our presidential nominees had experience as either Senators or Governors, or (in rare cases, like George HI Bush) held the Vice Presidency. I can't think of a major nominee whose only experience was a Representative. W, Kerry, Gore (who was a senator), Clinton, Dole, HI Bush, Dukakis, Mondale, Reagan, Carter.....
So that limits the field of who could actually legitimately run for and win the Presidency. I believe that the president in 2008, 2012, 2016 and 2020 is someone we have heard of today, and is holding office today. I know there are counterexamples (like Bush today, who advanced quickly up the chain due to his name, and Carter, who was the beneficiary of an extraordinary political time), but I believe my thought is more the rule.
So - where are we today in terms of women? Where are they in the roles that are traditionally stepping stones to the Presidency?
Let's look at Senators, first.
The Democrats:
Hillary (NY): the only one with the gravitas and the experience to be able to serve. You can make your own judgement on this one.
Boxer and Feinstein (CA): Sorry, but I think the nation is not ready for a liberal California senator to be president. Just the geography of it does not make sense.
Lincoln (AR): Not sure; has not done much in the senate in the past 4 years to make any sort of name for herself.
Landrieu (LA): Won a tough reelection, and is a great campaigner. This is a possibility, since she has crossed over and can't be called a liberal; however, for that reason, she may be un-nominatable in the current Democratic party.
Stabenow (MI): No. Sorry.
Mikulski (MD): I hate to say it, but you have to look presidential to be considered. That's why Steve Forbes isn't our president. And she doesn't seem to have any need to go for higher office.
Murray and Cantwell (WA): Both are considered political lightweights. No.
The Republicans:
Hutchison (TX): Her time has come and gone. She is actually talking about retiring.
Dole (NC): We've sampled this plate, thank you. No.
Murkowski (AK): When you win your first election under charges of favoritism from your father, the governor, then you have a LONG way to go. And it is Alaska - no.
Snowe, Collins (ME): Too moderate for the main party. No.
So outside of Hillary, I think there are no serious candidates for the Presidency from the Senate. What about governors?
Democrats:
Miner (DE): no.
Granholm (MI): has the looks and the charisma, but was born in Canada. Ineligible.
Blanco (LA): Not after Katrina.
Sebelius (KS), Napolitano (AZ): Two democrats who were elected in red states. Two to watch out for.
Republicans:
Martz (MT): No.
Lingle (HI): See Murkowski above, without the favoritism charge. It's Hawaii, for goodness sake!
Walker (UT): No.
Rell (CT): No.
In the future, there are two here to watch out for - Kathleen Sebelius and Janet Napolitano. However, they are at least 8 years off, if not more.
I exclude Condi Rice since I think you need to have some sort of elective office experience in order to run.
In the long term future, there are probably several candidates that are in the House now (or in statehouses somewhere) that have bright futures. Two I can think of offhand are Anne Northrup (R-Ky), who has been consistently elected in a marginal Louisville district for the past 10 years, and Shelly Moore Capito (R-WV), who probably would have ran for the Senate if cryogenic Robert Byrd decided to retire - he did not, so she's waiting her time. Both of those ladies have a Senate seat waiting for them (McConnell's in KY, Byrd or Rockefeller in WV) if they choose to enter. But as I said, that's a long way off.
And I'm sure there are a few Democratic women house members that are elected in toss-up or red states, although I can't think of any offhand. Herseth in SD?
So - I'm sure I bored you with this analysis - but the bottom line is if Hillary doesn't win in 08, I think it will be at least 2016 until we see a serious credible woman candidate for the Presidency, and I think the best guess on who that could be is either Kathleen Sebelius or Janet Napolitano.
Jul 21, 2006
I owe Leland..
a better answer to his "woman as President" post than the one I gave him. Look for a thorough analysis of female presidential candidates in the next few days.
By the way, where is everyone? There's been some good posts up here accompanied by the sound of crickets chirping. Is everyone on vacation?
By the way, where is everyone? There's been some good posts up here accompanied by the sound of crickets chirping. Is everyone on vacation?
Jul 20, 2006
For those of you who questioned....
the Reds trade, I give you last night's boxscore as evidence of why the trade was needed.
I'm not a Reds fan, but the performance of the bullpen after the rain delay in the 2nd inning was spectacular.
I'm not a Reds fan, but the performance of the bullpen after the rain delay in the 2nd inning was spectacular.
Jul 18, 2006
Quick Thoughts
1. I can't tell if this site is for real or not. They have enough legit photos and a big enough following that I'm sure that there is some validity to what they are posting (check out the shit about the ex Reds reliever and what the comments say about him). Anyway, its worth checking out just for some stupid pictures of LoDuca, Carl Everett, and Arroyo.
2. NEWS FLASH-THERE HAS BEEN A POST ON THE HEREFORD NINE...THERE HAS BEEN A POST ON HEREFORD NINE.
3. Funniest call in the middle of the night. Only some of you will find this funny, but two nights ago I get a call from Austin at 1:00am. He never calls me in the middle of the night, so I picked up thinking that it was important. And it was. He called to tell me that the girl he went out with that night used to date Justin Fargas. My response to him was, "Justin Fargas????? You mean the ex Raider? Hey he was my 2004 Madden League MVP. That's fucking awesome!!!!" He replied "I know, that's why I called." What would I do without good friends like this.
4. I had not one, but two female adjusters break their leg this week. What the fuck are the odds on that? I can't catch a break here.
2. NEWS FLASH-THERE HAS BEEN A POST ON THE HEREFORD NINE...THERE HAS BEEN A POST ON HEREFORD NINE.
3. Funniest call in the middle of the night. Only some of you will find this funny, but two nights ago I get a call from Austin at 1:00am. He never calls me in the middle of the night, so I picked up thinking that it was important. And it was. He called to tell me that the girl he went out with that night used to date Justin Fargas. My response to him was, "Justin Fargas????? You mean the ex Raider? Hey he was my 2004 Madden League MVP. That's fucking awesome!!!!" He replied "I know, that's why I called." What would I do without good friends like this.
4. I had not one, but two female adjusters break their leg this week. What the fuck are the odds on that? I can't catch a break here.
The new Casio Exilim
Finally purchased a digital camera, since I'm tired of passing up endless amounts dumbasses on the road and outside my place that I want to share with all of you!! Anyway, I figured I would post the pictures off the camera.
Here is the only good picture from Boca. There are several of me just sitting there drenched in sweat that I have left off for everyone's saftey.
This is basically my backyard. A nice little park that goes down to the ocean. The houses on the right are occupied by my boy Sugar Ray Leonard, Greg Maddux, and LC from Laguna Beach. Sugar Ray is the only man I have seen that makes running in a collared shirt and a sweater vest look cool. 
Ahhh, my lovely office. You can't see the big box of tissues that I have on my back desk, which needs to be refilled 2-3 times a month. And I still haven't had a chance to hang my diploma.
There's my bitch cleaning my patio. He's better than any illegal I could of gotten off the streets.
And here is the house that I'm looking to buy in Encinitas. 1 block off the beach, which should only be about $1.5 million.
Here is the only good picture from Boca. There are several of me just sitting there drenched in sweat that I have left off for everyone's saftey.
This is basically my backyard. A nice little park that goes down to the ocean. The houses on the right are occupied by my boy Sugar Ray Leonard, Greg Maddux, and LC from Laguna Beach. Sugar Ray is the only man I have seen that makes running in a collared shirt and a sweater vest look cool. 
Ahhh, my lovely office. You can't see the big box of tissues that I have on my back desk, which needs to be refilled 2-3 times a month. And I still haven't had a chance to hang my diploma.
There's my bitch cleaning my patio. He's better than any illegal I could of gotten off the streets.
And here is the house that I'm looking to buy in Encinitas. 1 block off the beach, which should only be about $1.5 million.
79 degrees!!!!
Boy its hot out here. I just can't take it anymore. I just can't do anything outside when its this hot. I'm moving.
Around the corner is....
Well, now that the Tribe is losing to X Games alumni (Jonny Moseley? Who the hell is that?), it's now officially time to switch to NFL mode.
8 days until training camp. Wow. 8 days!
It's the hottest day of the year here in Cincinnati (and in most other cities as well). This picture should give you a smile and remind you that colder and better days are ahead.
(Please feel free to substitute the Browns with your team of choice)...
Can't wait to tailgate again in the muni lot in the fall.....
Jul 17, 2006
Woman as President
Will a woman be President of the United States in the 50 years? Explain your reasoning.
Jul 14, 2006
Quick Thoughts for Friday:
- Did you know that you should marinate steaks and other meats for at least 4-5 days to get the full affect of the marinade? But you should lightly sear the meat first before putting it into the fridge. Learned that last night on the Food Network. Didn't know that I could do that with meat.
- Did anyone watch that segment on Sportscenter about that boy in Denver and how he met Todd Helton? Jesus, I was just looking for the A's highlights and nearly had a balling session at 6:15am this morning. Hangovers make me very vunerable and sensitve.
- Went bowling last night with my office. We played against our neighboring office and got destroyed. This other office is so god damn competitive. If I wasn't the manager and had to show my people that I'm not a dick, I would of put together an all-star team to kick their ass in every sport. But since I'm a nice guy and I'm looking for participation rather than winning, I had several bowlers that didn't crack 50. My ringer, Austin, sucked it up as well. Thanks Austin for spending the entire time hitting on my one new hire and ignoring that I needed you to bowl a 150.
- Men who have rollers for their briefcases piss me off to no end. Its not necessary. Are you that weak to carry a 10 pound briefcase? So can you guess how I reacted when a male supervisor from the other office showed up with his owner ball in a bag that had a roller? How lazy are we all getting? Earned massive points with my office when I was just ripping into the guy as he walked past our group.
- Just want to say thank you to the person driving the white van on the 405 this morning going 40 mph. 40 MPH!!!!!!! I was stuck behind him for about 2 miles, yelling at myself with one of those "Great asshole, you are going way to slow for me to even pull around you and nobody won't let me in" conversations. I was so pissed, I took down his license plate number and I will be completing a Choicepoint search on him today. Love working for an insurance company.
Jul 13, 2006
Baseball
Ahh baseball is back!!!! Thank God, but why is there only 7 games tonight? Why isn't there a full load? People are craving for games after three days off. Selig and the scheduling idiots need to answer these important questions.And can someone explain the trade between the Reds and Nats? Why did the Nats get Lopez/Kearns for a bunch of bullpen help? Am I missing something?
British Open Tournament
OK, another possible gambling outing. Any interest in a draft again for the British Open? Pick 4 golfers and the person with the lowest ranking wins? Post in the comment section if you are interested. I'm sure we can get 8 people.
Who said it?
Who said the following quote?
"I don't understand (the baseball blackouts) myself. I get blacked out from some games."
Was it:
a) Derek Zahn, when frantically searching for an A's game on Saturday;
b) Mark Cuban, when figuring out how to watch his future team, the Pittsburgh Pirates;
c) Isaiah Thomas, because he is a dumbass;
d) None of the above.
Well, although it could be "a", the correct answer is "d". Click here for the person who said it.
"I don't understand (the baseball blackouts) myself. I get blacked out from some games."
Was it:
a) Derek Zahn, when frantically searching for an A's game on Saturday;
b) Mark Cuban, when figuring out how to watch his future team, the Pittsburgh Pirates;
c) Isaiah Thomas, because he is a dumbass;
d) None of the above.
Well, although it could be "a", the correct answer is "d". Click here for the person who said it.
Jul 12, 2006
Wow!
Did you realize that the lyrics to Dusty Springfield's hit, "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" are:
You don't have to say you love me
Just be close at hand
You don't have to stay forever
I will understand
I always thought the second line was "Just because you can....". Boy, am I embarrassed....I've been singing that song at the top of my lungs with the wrong words!
You don't have to say you love me
Just be close at hand
You don't have to stay forever
I will understand
I always thought the second line was "Just because you can....". Boy, am I embarrassed....I've been singing that song at the top of my lungs with the wrong words!
Golf Update
Well, for those of you who are sick of getting golf updates from someone who can't break 80 in these tournaments, this is for you!
Had a wildly successful weekend in Iowa, finishing 20th at the Iowa Masters by shooting 77-72-70=219 (+3). $100 worth of merchandise from the Iowa State Pro Shop is coming my way; look to see me in a snappy Cyclone windbreaker sometime soon.
Highlights of the trip:
Thu 5:30 eastern: leave Lima, OH, and get partially lost trying to leave the city
Thu 8:00 eastern: find a random 18-hole course in Plymouth, IN and play 9 holes; after about 4 holes, I don't putt anymore since the greens are slightly slower than shag carpeting.
Fri 2:30 eastern(1:30 Central) am: Pull into Iowa City and make last call at the Sports Column.
Fri 3:00 am central: Crash at Joey's place.
Fri 6:45 am central: Awaken to Joey's female roommate carrying on on her cell phone. Argh.
Fri 11:00 am: Drive to Ames
Fri 2:20 pm: Tee off with the Korean professor and two others. Start +4 after 7 holes.
Fri 5:35 pm: Finish the front nine. Yes, you read that right.
Fri 8:15: Finish the round with a 77, which includes a double on 16 when my perfectly placed lay up shot finds a hole - not a divot - in the fairway. A skull and a couple of bad chips later, I make 7. Stats from Friday: 8 fwys, 7 greens, 30 putts, 5/9 up and down, 1 double.
Fri 11:30: Crash, being dead tired.
Sat 5:15 am: Alarm goes off. I have massive headache. Head to the Kum N Go for Motrin.
Sat 6:55 am: Tee off. I figure I need a 76 to be safe to make the cut for Sunday.
Sat ~7:30 am: On the 2nd hole, I hit my tee shot on a par 4 into the water. Double. Nice job, idiot.
Then I proceed to go -2 for the remaining 16 holes. I played smart; short game was on, and a couple of putts fell. The only bogey (after #2) was on 17, a par 3, when the group was talking about the UFC fight that night; this guy kept talking about his run-in with a UFC fighter in Minneapolis AS I AM TRYING TO LINE UP A CHIP. Thanks! He then proceeds to try to imitate a knee-to-the-head blow, but as he does it, he immediately remarks "ooh! My back!".
That's a nice pre-shot thought. I blow an easy 40-foot chip 20 feet by the hole. Thanks.
Final stats for Saturday: 10 fwys, 11 greens, 28 putts, 5/6 up& downs, 1 double. 72.
Get back to the hotel around 1; eat 9 pieces of pizza at the Old Chicago buffet; sleep until 5.
Sat 8:00 pm: Get dinner with some friends from Iowa City who came up
Sat 9:30 pm: Find a bar with UFC on it. God, what a disappointment.
Sat 11:45 pm: UFC finished up. Should we crash for the night (with an 8 am tee time) or go out?
Sun 12:30 am: In a bar in downtown Ames, where I am clearly the oldest person in the bar, by a good 5 years (even though I was carded). It took all my willpower to turn down shots that night.
Sun 2:00 am: Closing time.
Sun 2:45 am: Asleep, I think.
Sun 6:30 am: Alarm. God, it's early. I ache - but no splitting headache.
Sun 7:45 am: At the range, thinking my swing is nowhere in sight as I top 3 consecutive 5-woods in a row.
Round begins:
#2: Bogey.....hoo boy, this is going to be a long day.
#4: Get up and down from 5 yards in front of the green
#6: Get up and down from 10 yards in front of the green
#7: Get up and down from 35 yards in front of the green
#8: Thin a 5 iron to 4 feet, birdie.
#9: Wedge to 15 feet, birdie.
#11: Par 3; go halfway down a hill left of the green, 25 yards away; chip to 4 feet, par.
#12: Get up and down from 5 yards in front of the green
#13: Get up and down from 5 yards left of the green
#14: Get up and down from a bunker 10 yards from the green
#15: Get up and down from 25 yards in front of the green (made a 15 footer)
#17: Get up and down from 5 yards left of the green
#18: From 85 yards out, chunk a wedge; then proceed to hole the chip shot. Birdie.
How about these stats:
9 fwys, 8 greens, 24 PUTTS, 9/10 up and downs. 70.
The best thing about it is that I was playing with a D-I scholarship golfer who hit the ball at least 40 yards further than me. I can't even imagine what he was thinking - me, whose drives all day were 220-yard high hooks, was kicking his ass. I love doing that.
Bob Wickman (the putter) was Mariano Rivera for that round. In fact, he has an active streak of 50 (FIFTY) straight non-3-putt greens.
The more I think about the course, the more I love it. It is not a bomber's paradise; it is a 6600 yard layout that you have to think your way around. Driver is needed on only about 5-6 holes. There are plenty of 310-yd par 4 where 6s or 7s can be made by excellent golfer. The key is that woods and crap that line the fairways and greens are NOT hazards - they are part of the "course" where (if you can't find the ball) you have to hit provisionals. One guy on the second day hit 4 balls from the tee on a par 3 - because his first 3 shots missed the green by about 5 yards, kicked down a wooded hill and was lost.
I love those types of courses. You have to control every shot. Success is not measured by how good your shot was, but if you avoided the danger successfully. You can't fire at a lot of flags - period. If you do, you open yourself up to doubles or worse.
Today's young golfers can't play those types of courses. They can't think. Every hole is a driver (or, at worst, a 3 wood) for them. I saw it out there and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There's no such thing as playing conservative - hell, there's no such thing as game planning, I think.
On these short par 4s, sure, you bring 3 more into play (and you can possibly even make 2) , but now 6, 7 or worse is a significant probability. The junk is literally 5 yards off a green that is 17 yards deep. That's not a big target. Why go for it? This is stroke play. I don't understand today's young golfers. And if they keep having these cocky attitudes, I guess I have no choice but to beat them with my Pat Buchanan style of play.
Had a wildly successful weekend in Iowa, finishing 20th at the Iowa Masters by shooting 77-72-70=219 (+3). $100 worth of merchandise from the Iowa State Pro Shop is coming my way; look to see me in a snappy Cyclone windbreaker sometime soon.
Highlights of the trip:
Thu 5:30 eastern: leave Lima, OH, and get partially lost trying to leave the city
Thu 8:00 eastern: find a random 18-hole course in Plymouth, IN and play 9 holes; after about 4 holes, I don't putt anymore since the greens are slightly slower than shag carpeting.
Fri 2:30 eastern(1:30 Central) am: Pull into Iowa City and make last call at the Sports Column.
Fri 3:00 am central: Crash at Joey's place.
Fri 6:45 am central: Awaken to Joey's female roommate carrying on on her cell phone. Argh.
Fri 11:00 am: Drive to Ames
Fri 2:20 pm: Tee off with the Korean professor and two others. Start +4 after 7 holes.
Fri 5:35 pm: Finish the front nine. Yes, you read that right.
Fri 8:15: Finish the round with a 77, which includes a double on 16 when my perfectly placed lay up shot finds a hole - not a divot - in the fairway. A skull and a couple of bad chips later, I make 7. Stats from Friday: 8 fwys, 7 greens, 30 putts, 5/9 up and down, 1 double.
Fri 11:30: Crash, being dead tired.
Sat 5:15 am: Alarm goes off. I have massive headache. Head to the Kum N Go for Motrin.
Sat 6:55 am: Tee off. I figure I need a 76 to be safe to make the cut for Sunday.
Sat ~7:30 am: On the 2nd hole, I hit my tee shot on a par 4 into the water. Double. Nice job, idiot.
Then I proceed to go -2 for the remaining 16 holes. I played smart; short game was on, and a couple of putts fell. The only bogey (after #2) was on 17, a par 3, when the group was talking about the UFC fight that night; this guy kept talking about his run-in with a UFC fighter in Minneapolis AS I AM TRYING TO LINE UP A CHIP. Thanks! He then proceeds to try to imitate a knee-to-the-head blow, but as he does it, he immediately remarks "ooh! My back!".
That's a nice pre-shot thought. I blow an easy 40-foot chip 20 feet by the hole. Thanks.
Final stats for Saturday: 10 fwys, 11 greens, 28 putts, 5/6 up& downs, 1 double. 72.
Get back to the hotel around 1; eat 9 pieces of pizza at the Old Chicago buffet; sleep until 5.
Sat 8:00 pm: Get dinner with some friends from Iowa City who came up
Sat 9:30 pm: Find a bar with UFC on it. God, what a disappointment.
Sat 11:45 pm: UFC finished up. Should we crash for the night (with an 8 am tee time) or go out?
Sun 12:30 am: In a bar in downtown Ames, where I am clearly the oldest person in the bar, by a good 5 years (even though I was carded). It took all my willpower to turn down shots that night.
Sun 2:00 am: Closing time.
Sun 2:45 am: Asleep, I think.
Sun 6:30 am: Alarm. God, it's early. I ache - but no splitting headache.
Sun 7:45 am: At the range, thinking my swing is nowhere in sight as I top 3 consecutive 5-woods in a row.
Round begins:
#2: Bogey.....hoo boy, this is going to be a long day.
#4: Get up and down from 5 yards in front of the green
#6: Get up and down from 10 yards in front of the green
#7: Get up and down from 35 yards in front of the green
#8: Thin a 5 iron to 4 feet, birdie.
#9: Wedge to 15 feet, birdie.
#11: Par 3; go halfway down a hill left of the green, 25 yards away; chip to 4 feet, par.
#12: Get up and down from 5 yards in front of the green
#13: Get up and down from 5 yards left of the green
#14: Get up and down from a bunker 10 yards from the green
#15: Get up and down from 25 yards in front of the green (made a 15 footer)
#17: Get up and down from 5 yards left of the green
#18: From 85 yards out, chunk a wedge; then proceed to hole the chip shot. Birdie.
How about these stats:
9 fwys, 8 greens, 24 PUTTS, 9/10 up and downs. 70.
The best thing about it is that I was playing with a D-I scholarship golfer who hit the ball at least 40 yards further than me. I can't even imagine what he was thinking - me, whose drives all day were 220-yard high hooks, was kicking his ass. I love doing that.
Bob Wickman (the putter) was Mariano Rivera for that round. In fact, he has an active streak of 50 (FIFTY) straight non-3-putt greens.
The more I think about the course, the more I love it. It is not a bomber's paradise; it is a 6600 yard layout that you have to think your way around. Driver is needed on only about 5-6 holes. There are plenty of 310-yd par 4 where 6s or 7s can be made by excellent golfer. The key is that woods and crap that line the fairways and greens are NOT hazards - they are part of the "course" where (if you can't find the ball) you have to hit provisionals. One guy on the second day hit 4 balls from the tee on a par 3 - because his first 3 shots missed the green by about 5 yards, kicked down a wooded hill and was lost.
I love those types of courses. You have to control every shot. Success is not measured by how good your shot was, but if you avoided the danger successfully. You can't fire at a lot of flags - period. If you do, you open yourself up to doubles or worse.
Today's young golfers can't play those types of courses. They can't think. Every hole is a driver (or, at worst, a 3 wood) for them. I saw it out there and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There's no such thing as playing conservative - hell, there's no such thing as game planning, I think.
On these short par 4s, sure, you bring 3 more into play (and you can possibly even make 2) , but now 6, 7 or worse is a significant probability. The junk is literally 5 yards off a green that is 17 yards deep. That's not a big target. Why go for it? This is stroke play. I don't understand today's young golfers. And if they keep having these cocky attitudes, I guess I have no choice but to beat them with my Pat Buchanan style of play.
Breaking News....
Major changes in my top 5 favorite foods.
1. Crispy Cream Cheese Wantons
2. The crunchy tacos at Chipotle
3. Dominos thin and crispy pizza
4. ZBest pepperoni and sausage pizza
5. In and Out Burgers
The cheesesteak from Philly's best, the crunch wrap supreme from Taco Bell, and the Buffalo Chicken sandwich from Chilis have all fallen out of the top 5.
Beefeaters and Hackers
Is there anything better than an afternoon buzz? On Saturday after going for a nice run, working out, and running some errands, Ben and I decided to continue our Gin Rummy 20,000 game outside with a big bottle of Beefeaters. This started around noon and by 2:00 I had an excellent buzz going. Ahhh, not having any responsibilities rock. On the flip side, is there anything worse than an afternoon buzz that turns into blacking out that night? Probably not. Ben and I tried to piece Saturday late afternoon and into the evening with only this information and items:
1. Empty Beefeater, Stoli, and Malibu bottles on the counter and three Tekezer bottles in the fridge. We did not have Malibu or Tekezer in the place earlier that afternoon. Not too sure where they came from.
2. A frequent purchase card from the Golden Spoon (ice cream joint). Apparently our neighbors and us went to get some ice cream at 9:00pm. I guess I ordered a pint of soft serve and sat down and ate the entire thing and then went on to eat some of my neighbors ice cream. I seriously don't remember this.
3. A GQ magazine and one of those Mexican Prayer Candles on our coffee table. Still confused about this one. I guess I ran out to get some propane from Ralphs (found my receipt on Monday) and purchased a GQ magazine and a prayer candle. Don't know what prompted me to do this.
4. UFC fight- Now I know that I ordered the fight on Saturday night, and I remember the two big fights, but had no idea about the other two fights. Ben and I ended up watching it again on Sunday since everything was really fuzzy.
5. Two wet beach towels- This might be the funniest part. I guess our neighbors and us went down to the hot tub sometime during the night. According to Ben, he remembers me doing a bit on how child molesters get a bad rap or something like that. He said that everyone loved it except for the two couples who were in the hot tub before we arrived. I truly don't even remember going down to the hot tub.
I was in such bad shape in the morning when I had to wake up at 6:00am to go golfing with Suz's little brother Greg. I was clearly still drunk. I walked around the place that morning looking at the items listed above going "what the fuck". I was so out of it, it took me 10 solid minutes to find my camera, which was in my hand. And I didn't even pick up on this, It took Ben to tell me this. And poor Ben, who was still drunk as well, had to get up at the same time and man the I-5 Border Patrol check point. Nothing like being drunk and standing in the middle of a 7 lane highway.
As for golf...ugh. Played like shit as I was battling the hangover. Interesting course in the middle of San Diego. We were paired with the two worse golfers I have ever seen. If either of them broke 160 I would be surprised. They kept up for the most part, but here was a couple of little highlights of the round:
1. Chris and Carl (our playing partners) were complete opposites. While they were both tremendously bad, but Chris had a great attitude about the entire outing, while Carl would get pissed after every shot. Not just upset, but yelling every swear word known to man after every shot. I'm not exaggerating about this. He buried his club several times after each shot and started blaming his poor play on the course itself. Carl here is a little bit of advice. After your 4th 12 in a row, its not the course, its you. He had a strand of 5-6 shots in a row where he lost the ball OB. And these weren't slices or hooks but just complete mis-hits that would go directly left or right off the club. And I can't even explain to you how pissed he was getting after every shot. It was very amusing after you got over how loud he was being.
2. Um Carl, can you at least walk 10 yards off the tee box to piss? Thanks.
2. Asked Chris and Carl if they played a lot of golf, they both responded Yes. In fact they both played the south course at Torrey Pines the day before. This left me speechless. I can't imagine those two guys on any respectable course hacking it up.
3. I almost dumped the golf cart in some prickly bushes. Thanks Greg for acting quickly and jumping on the front right tire to make sure that I didn't go with the cart. Yeah I was still drunk on hole number 3.
3. Hole #9, a par three, Greg pulls a shot that goes over a building on the right. We think that there is nothing over in that direction so we go about our business. When Greg goes to get his ball behind the building, we see that the #10 tee box is right behind it. Apparently one of the guys in the group ahead of us calls Greg and asshole. Greg tells Carl, Chris, and myself this when he gets up to the green and I thought that we were going to get in a fight right there on hole # 10. And it wasn't even because of me. Carl and Chris were ready to storm these guys and throw down. They were so pumped up about getting into a fight!!! This made Greg and I laugh for at least 2 entire holes. Why would two strangers defend us?
4. On every hole, Greg and I sat in the cart about 50 yards ahead of Chris or Carl making wagers to see if they would hit the ball past us. 80% of the time they were short.
5. On hole #18, Carl decided to give Chris some golf tips. "I think you need to tee the ball up higher" right as Chris was about to hit the ball, with Carl actually re-teeing the ball for Chris. Umm...sure that will solve all your problems Chris. You haven't made solid contact the entire round. And Carl, I think that you are the last person to give anyone advice.
1. Empty Beefeater, Stoli, and Malibu bottles on the counter and three Tekezer bottles in the fridge. We did not have Malibu or Tekezer in the place earlier that afternoon. Not too sure where they came from.
2. A frequent purchase card from the Golden Spoon (ice cream joint). Apparently our neighbors and us went to get some ice cream at 9:00pm. I guess I ordered a pint of soft serve and sat down and ate the entire thing and then went on to eat some of my neighbors ice cream. I seriously don't remember this.
3. A GQ magazine and one of those Mexican Prayer Candles on our coffee table. Still confused about this one. I guess I ran out to get some propane from Ralphs (found my receipt on Monday) and purchased a GQ magazine and a prayer candle. Don't know what prompted me to do this.
4. UFC fight- Now I know that I ordered the fight on Saturday night, and I remember the two big fights, but had no idea about the other two fights. Ben and I ended up watching it again on Sunday since everything was really fuzzy.
5. Two wet beach towels- This might be the funniest part. I guess our neighbors and us went down to the hot tub sometime during the night. According to Ben, he remembers me doing a bit on how child molesters get a bad rap or something like that. He said that everyone loved it except for the two couples who were in the hot tub before we arrived. I truly don't even remember going down to the hot tub.
I was in such bad shape in the morning when I had to wake up at 6:00am to go golfing with Suz's little brother Greg. I was clearly still drunk. I walked around the place that morning looking at the items listed above going "what the fuck". I was so out of it, it took me 10 solid minutes to find my camera, which was in my hand. And I didn't even pick up on this, It took Ben to tell me this. And poor Ben, who was still drunk as well, had to get up at the same time and man the I-5 Border Patrol check point. Nothing like being drunk and standing in the middle of a 7 lane highway.
As for golf...ugh. Played like shit as I was battling the hangover. Interesting course in the middle of San Diego. We were paired with the two worse golfers I have ever seen. If either of them broke 160 I would be surprised. They kept up for the most part, but here was a couple of little highlights of the round:
1. Chris and Carl (our playing partners) were complete opposites. While they were both tremendously bad, but Chris had a great attitude about the entire outing, while Carl would get pissed after every shot. Not just upset, but yelling every swear word known to man after every shot. I'm not exaggerating about this. He buried his club several times after each shot and started blaming his poor play on the course itself. Carl here is a little bit of advice. After your 4th 12 in a row, its not the course, its you. He had a strand of 5-6 shots in a row where he lost the ball OB. And these weren't slices or hooks but just complete mis-hits that would go directly left or right off the club. And I can't even explain to you how pissed he was getting after every shot. It was very amusing after you got over how loud he was being.
2. Um Carl, can you at least walk 10 yards off the tee box to piss? Thanks.
2. Asked Chris and Carl if they played a lot of golf, they both responded Yes. In fact they both played the south course at Torrey Pines the day before. This left me speechless. I can't imagine those two guys on any respectable course hacking it up.
3. I almost dumped the golf cart in some prickly bushes. Thanks Greg for acting quickly and jumping on the front right tire to make sure that I didn't go with the cart. Yeah I was still drunk on hole number 3.
3. Hole #9, a par three, Greg pulls a shot that goes over a building on the right. We think that there is nothing over in that direction so we go about our business. When Greg goes to get his ball behind the building, we see that the #10 tee box is right behind it. Apparently one of the guys in the group ahead of us calls Greg and asshole. Greg tells Carl, Chris, and myself this when he gets up to the green and I thought that we were going to get in a fight right there on hole # 10. And it wasn't even because of me. Carl and Chris were ready to storm these guys and throw down. They were so pumped up about getting into a fight!!! This made Greg and I laugh for at least 2 entire holes. Why would two strangers defend us?
4. On every hole, Greg and I sat in the cart about 50 yards ahead of Chris or Carl making wagers to see if they would hit the ball past us. 80% of the time they were short.
5. On hole #18, Carl decided to give Chris some golf tips. "I think you need to tee the ball up higher" right as Chris was about to hit the ball, with Carl actually re-teeing the ball for Chris. Umm...sure that will solve all your problems Chris. You haven't made solid contact the entire round. And Carl, I think that you are the last person to give anyone advice.
Jul 11, 2006
OK, I'm going to hell for this post....
...but some things need to be said.
1) About the World Cup: Not much is being said about the Italian who got head butted by Zidane, which caused the captain of the French squad to be sent off. He (the Italian) should be lauded as an example on how to win without crossing the line. He knows that yelling insults is completely within the rules - it happens all the time - and some times that trash talking can induce your opponent into doing something stupid. I would wager that this Italian knew that a) Zidane had a short fuse, and b) found out some things that would tweak him; at the end of a long, long day, the Italian chose those insults to hurl at Zidane, which threw him over the edge. Shame on Zidane for acting this way, but kudos to the Italian who knew this and used it to the teams' advantage. Nothing illegal was done - a fine act of team play.
2) The National Special Olympics were held in Ames, IA this past weekend, which was the site of the Iowa Masters in which I played. A golf recap will be coming soon, by the way.
Many local businesses had signs welcoming the special olympic athletes - for example, the McDonalds sign said "Good Luck to all Special Olympians".
My question - what was the purpose for that? Can the athletes read the signs?
3) We arrived in Ames that Friday for round 1. On the news that night, there was an outbreak of flu-like symptoms at the Special Olympics, causing some venues to be quarantined for a bit.
I leave it for the commenters to deliver any punch lines.
4) On Friday, I played with a Korean professor from Iowa State. Although he spoke English well, it was with a heavy accent, and he clearly was born and raised in Korea. I asked him what his field of study is. He replied: "Hotel and Restaurant Management".
That answer actually rendered me speechless. Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves. I resisted the urge to ask him if his department was next to the department of veterenairy sciences.
5) A fellow Korean - one who spoke almost no English - caddied for the professor. He set the model for what a caddie should be. Whenever we (as a group) were walking from the tee to our ball, the caddie would make sure to sprint to make sure he is at the player's side during the walk. I would be walking with Joey and we hear these footsteps - it is the Korean caddie running (NOT jogging) to catch up with his player. Just a note for any caddies out there.....maybe for my next tournament, I will make sure I get an Asian caddie - they know how to show respect for their masters.
6) In all seriousness, I found this story on Tyler Swanson touching. A tribute to a star collegiate golfer (who made the cut, as an Iowa State sophomore, at the John Deere PGA event in 2003) who almost died in a car crash in 2004.
I especially like one of the last lines in the article- " For the record Swanson shot a 92 Friday but he didn't have the high score. ". Yeah, because the guy who DID have the high score played WITH ME!!!!! How can you shoot a 98, and get beat by a guy who LITERALLY has a hole in his skull (read the article) and hits the ball 150-170 yards off the tee? (Well, that was a rhetorical question - I know how- I saw it!)
1) About the World Cup: Not much is being said about the Italian who got head butted by Zidane, which caused the captain of the French squad to be sent off. He (the Italian) should be lauded as an example on how to win without crossing the line. He knows that yelling insults is completely within the rules - it happens all the time - and some times that trash talking can induce your opponent into doing something stupid. I would wager that this Italian knew that a) Zidane had a short fuse, and b) found out some things that would tweak him; at the end of a long, long day, the Italian chose those insults to hurl at Zidane, which threw him over the edge. Shame on Zidane for acting this way, but kudos to the Italian who knew this and used it to the teams' advantage. Nothing illegal was done - a fine act of team play.
2) The National Special Olympics were held in Ames, IA this past weekend, which was the site of the Iowa Masters in which I played. A golf recap will be coming soon, by the way.
Many local businesses had signs welcoming the special olympic athletes - for example, the McDonalds sign said "Good Luck to all Special Olympians".
My question - what was the purpose for that? Can the athletes read the signs?
3) We arrived in Ames that Friday for round 1. On the news that night, there was an outbreak of flu-like symptoms at the Special Olympics, causing some venues to be quarantined for a bit.
I leave it for the commenters to deliver any punch lines.
4) On Friday, I played with a Korean professor from Iowa State. Although he spoke English well, it was with a heavy accent, and he clearly was born and raised in Korea. I asked him what his field of study is. He replied: "Hotel and Restaurant Management".
That answer actually rendered me speechless. Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves. I resisted the urge to ask him if his department was next to the department of veterenairy sciences.
5) A fellow Korean - one who spoke almost no English - caddied for the professor. He set the model for what a caddie should be. Whenever we (as a group) were walking from the tee to our ball, the caddie would make sure to sprint to make sure he is at the player's side during the walk. I would be walking with Joey and we hear these footsteps - it is the Korean caddie running (NOT jogging) to catch up with his player. Just a note for any caddies out there.....maybe for my next tournament, I will make sure I get an Asian caddie - they know how to show respect for their masters.
6) In all seriousness, I found this story on Tyler Swanson touching. A tribute to a star collegiate golfer (who made the cut, as an Iowa State sophomore, at the John Deere PGA event in 2003) who almost died in a car crash in 2004.
I especially like one of the last lines in the article- " For the record Swanson shot a 92 Friday but he didn't have the high score. ". Yeah, because the guy who DID have the high score played WITH ME!!!!! How can you shoot a 98, and get beat by a guy who LITERALLY has a hole in his skull (read the article) and hits the ball 150-170 yards off the tee? (Well, that was a rhetorical question - I know how- I saw it!)
Jul 9, 2006
Jul 8, 2006
What a great day!
1) LeBron has agreed to a 5-yr extension with the Cavs;
2) I finally got my act together in a tournament. 12 greens, 28 putts - a formula for a good round.
2) I finally got my act together in a tournament. 12 greens, 28 putts - a formula for a good round.
Jul 7, 2006
Conan
Great reading for Friday. Conan O'Brien's commencement speech for a local high school. I was crying in my office on several of his one liners. Classic.
http://crazysheet.com/conan_graduation_speech.htm
http://crazysheet.com/conan_graduation_speech.htm
Jul 6, 2006
Mr. Salty or Jerome Brown
Depending on which group of friends that you fall in, I believe that I have found the location of Mr. Salty or Jerome Brown. He is playing soccer for Portugal. If you went to Hereford High, Mr. Salty was our invisible friend that would fill in if teams were uneven. If you went to Maryland, Jerome Brown filled in to meet the required number of people (4) to go to the dinning hall for late night feastings.
Oh Gary....
Now Gary, I don't mind you being drunk in almost every photo that your in, but usually they are in a bar with several hot chicks. This one seems to be in someone's house and your chowing down on some wings. Are you on one of your many visits to a recruits house that you have failed to sign? And why do you look like one of those annoying guys that runs into the picture at the last second, just so you can be in every shot?
Jul 5, 2006
Eddie Griffin takes Drunk Driving to the next level
No not that Eddie Griffin. I'm talking about the basketball player. This might top Eric's skill of doing multiple things at once. I'm not too sure which is better, how the accident happened, or what
Mr. Griffen promised them. Hummer fine? Bentley no!
Idiot!!!!
Boca fucking Raton
Ahhhh, Boca Raton. What a shit hole. How much white trash and old people can they jam into a 5 mile strip of beach? And thank you US Air for once again fucking up my travel plans. Couple of notes from the trip:
1. I think Ft. Lauderdale is the capital of the Crotch Rocket Nation. Jesus, I must of seen at least 500 bikes down there, ad maybe half of the people riding weren't wearing helmets, shirts, or any protective gear. Reason number 1,237 why Farmers doesn't write business down in Florida. Idiots.
2. Can we please incorporate a driving test for people who are older than 70? Jesus, it is amazing to see multiple Cadillac's cut across 4 lanes of traffic to make a right hand turn within 30 feet and to see people driving close to 40 MPH on the highway. Combine this with all of the crotch rockets and it is a recipe for disaster.
3. Traveling Tip #1: Stay off the roads between 3:00pm-6:00pm due to the early bird rush.
4. Traveling Tip #2: Every restaurant empties out at 6:00pm, so there is no problems securing a reservation at a nice restaurant around 8:00pm. Only nice thing about this area.
5. Can someone please talk with the local architects in Florida. Mauve colored condo complexes just look awful. So does plain white concrete blocks stacked 200 feet high right on the beach. It looks like oceanfront section 8 housing. I have never seen a city look so disgusting just based on the color of all of their buildings.
6. I never imagined that playing cards with a 92 year old Italian women would be as much fun as it was. I played a game called Spite and Malice with Carol's grandmother and I never imagined that I would be on the receiving end of some nasty shit talking from an older women. I was able to put her in her place by kicking her ass three times in a row.
7. Grandmother continued: Italian women, no matter how old, can still make the best Italian food. God I must of eaten close to 5-6 pounds of pasta and other shit on Saturday night. And it wasn't like I had a choice. These women get so offended if you don't eat everything!! Thank god I love food.
8. Shared a room with Carol and her sister Molly. Great time, except for the night that I had Taco Bell. Ever tried to take a quiet shit while lighting a match? I'm not that coordinated. It never works. I came out of the bathroom and had to deal with the frightened looks of two girls as if they just witnessed a murder. Diffused the situation quickly by making an official speech apologizing to the ladies on behalf of my family and friends. And I had been so good for the other 3 days.
9. Played pool at some dive bar. Molly was a little drunk and ended up flirting with a 40 year old Marine named Randy. Randy ends up joining us for some pool and Molly continues to flirt with him. Molly being drunk does not realize that Randy is following her around like some poor little puppy. I could actually see the desperation ooze from his skin. About an hour into it, I make a little comment to Molly about her flirting tactics with Randy, and Molly is totally oblivious to the entire situation. Then all of a sudden she decides that we all must leave and just drops her pool stick and walks out. Carol follows her and I end up having one of the most awkward conversations with a desperate 40 year Marine. He ends up giving me his business card and expresses to me how much he liked Molly and that we need to hang out tomorrow. I tell him that we will call and quickly run out the door, hoping that he isn't somehow waiting for me and the girls out in the parking lot.
10. At the bar, they were replaying old Florida St.-Miami football games on the big screen. I had to watch Baseball tonight on what seemed like a 12 inch TV, but could watch Charlie Ward scramble around in the backfield on a 60 flat screen.
11. Went for a jog on Monday and somehow got lost in a business park. I couldn't find my way back to the hotel for the life of me. I actually stopped and asked a security guard directions, and this asshole tells me that the hotel is a mile away in one direction, and then shows up in his little cart 10 minutes later to tell me that he told me the wrong way. I guess I should thank him for telling me, but I should make a complaint since he just turned around his little cart and shot off. I actually could of used a ride since my run was then coming close to exceeding an hour in the nice pleasant 95 degree heat with 100% humidity. Lovely run. Just lovely. I hate fucking Florida.
1. I think Ft. Lauderdale is the capital of the Crotch Rocket Nation. Jesus, I must of seen at least 500 bikes down there, ad maybe half of the people riding weren't wearing helmets, shirts, or any protective gear. Reason number 1,237 why Farmers doesn't write business down in Florida. Idiots.
2. Can we please incorporate a driving test for people who are older than 70? Jesus, it is amazing to see multiple Cadillac's cut across 4 lanes of traffic to make a right hand turn within 30 feet and to see people driving close to 40 MPH on the highway. Combine this with all of the crotch rockets and it is a recipe for disaster.
3. Traveling Tip #1: Stay off the roads between 3:00pm-6:00pm due to the early bird rush.
4. Traveling Tip #2: Every restaurant empties out at 6:00pm, so there is no problems securing a reservation at a nice restaurant around 8:00pm. Only nice thing about this area.
5. Can someone please talk with the local architects in Florida. Mauve colored condo complexes just look awful. So does plain white concrete blocks stacked 200 feet high right on the beach. It looks like oceanfront section 8 housing. I have never seen a city look so disgusting just based on the color of all of their buildings.
6. I never imagined that playing cards with a 92 year old Italian women would be as much fun as it was. I played a game called Spite and Malice with Carol's grandmother and I never imagined that I would be on the receiving end of some nasty shit talking from an older women. I was able to put her in her place by kicking her ass three times in a row.
7. Grandmother continued: Italian women, no matter how old, can still make the best Italian food. God I must of eaten close to 5-6 pounds of pasta and other shit on Saturday night. And it wasn't like I had a choice. These women get so offended if you don't eat everything!! Thank god I love food.
8. Shared a room with Carol and her sister Molly. Great time, except for the night that I had Taco Bell. Ever tried to take a quiet shit while lighting a match? I'm not that coordinated. It never works. I came out of the bathroom and had to deal with the frightened looks of two girls as if they just witnessed a murder. Diffused the situation quickly by making an official speech apologizing to the ladies on behalf of my family and friends. And I had been so good for the other 3 days.
9. Played pool at some dive bar. Molly was a little drunk and ended up flirting with a 40 year old Marine named Randy. Randy ends up joining us for some pool and Molly continues to flirt with him. Molly being drunk does not realize that Randy is following her around like some poor little puppy. I could actually see the desperation ooze from his skin. About an hour into it, I make a little comment to Molly about her flirting tactics with Randy, and Molly is totally oblivious to the entire situation. Then all of a sudden she decides that we all must leave and just drops her pool stick and walks out. Carol follows her and I end up having one of the most awkward conversations with a desperate 40 year Marine. He ends up giving me his business card and expresses to me how much he liked Molly and that we need to hang out tomorrow. I tell him that we will call and quickly run out the door, hoping that he isn't somehow waiting for me and the girls out in the parking lot.
10. At the bar, they were replaying old Florida St.-Miami football games on the big screen. I had to watch Baseball tonight on what seemed like a 12 inch TV, but could watch Charlie Ward scramble around in the backfield on a 60 flat screen.
11. Went for a jog on Monday and somehow got lost in a business park. I couldn't find my way back to the hotel for the life of me. I actually stopped and asked a security guard directions, and this asshole tells me that the hotel is a mile away in one direction, and then shows up in his little cart 10 minutes later to tell me that he told me the wrong way. I guess I should thank him for telling me, but I should make a complaint since he just turned around his little cart and shot off. I actually could of used a ride since my run was then coming close to exceeding an hour in the nice pleasant 95 degree heat with 100% humidity. Lovely run. Just lovely. I hate fucking Florida.
Golf Tourney #5 Preview: Eric as Lisa Kudrow
Heading on a road trip this weekend - going back to Iowa to play in the 69th Iowa Masters (with a detour to beautiful Lima, OH on Thursday for work) . It's a three day event - Friday & Saturday, with a cut after Saturday for Sunday's round - hosted by the Iowa State University. It's an invitational tournament, so I picked this weekend as the one for my one road trip over the summer - gives me a chance to go back there and see some golf (and old work) friends. The course is a classic one - Perry Maxwell design, built in 1939, with a good amount of short holes (5 par 4's under 340) - and you are just as likely to make birdie or double on the short ones.
I conned one of my friends from the plant to caddie for me. Joey is a ISU alum, and I figured - hey, if I make the cut, we'll drink in Ames that Saturday night; if I don't, we'll go back to Iowa City and drink there.
Hotel rooms were hard to get - apparently, the National Special Olympics is ending on Friday, so most of the rooms are booked. On my 4th call, I got a room with the Holiday Inn (I guess that "Priority One" card brings some clout, no?).
Then Joey calls me. He has a friend, Worm (who I've met a couple times, but have no idea what his first name is) who has a brother who is playing in the tourney as well. His brother (Andy) is a D-III golfer at Wartburg, a college better known for its multiple D-III Wrestling championships. Well, Worm and Andy can't find a hotel room, could they stay with us?
So I feel like I'm back in college, except that I am 34 years old. I'm staying with:
Joey, a 26-year old co-worker who can (and has) drink me under the table;
Worm, (as far as I can tell) a 25-year old professional drinker, and
Andy, a 22 year old college student.
I compare myself to Lisa Kudrow from the ill-fated HBO Series The Comeback. I'll try to hang with them, but I'm sure I'll wimp out at the bar (Sloe Gin Fizzes for everyone, waiter!) or say something completely off the wall, like "Anyone up for a game of canasta?"
Should be a lot of fun. If you care, results will be posted here . Andrew Miller is Worm's brother; hopefully, I'll be in a few shots under him. I have an afternoon tee time (2:20 Central) on Friday and a very early 6:50 tee time on Saturday; theoretically, Derek could leave work after a long lunch on Friday, get drunk, and then wake up Saturday morning - and I would have played 36 by then.
I conned one of my friends from the plant to caddie for me. Joey is a ISU alum, and I figured - hey, if I make the cut, we'll drink in Ames that Saturday night; if I don't, we'll go back to Iowa City and drink there.
Hotel rooms were hard to get - apparently, the National Special Olympics is ending on Friday, so most of the rooms are booked. On my 4th call, I got a room with the Holiday Inn (I guess that "Priority One" card brings some clout, no?).
Then Joey calls me. He has a friend, Worm (who I've met a couple times, but have no idea what his first name is) who has a brother who is playing in the tourney as well. His brother (Andy) is a D-III golfer at Wartburg, a college better known for its multiple D-III Wrestling championships. Well, Worm and Andy can't find a hotel room, could they stay with us?
So I feel like I'm back in college, except that I am 34 years old. I'm staying with:
Joey, a 26-year old co-worker who can (and has) drink me under the table;
Worm, (as far as I can tell) a 25-year old professional drinker, and
Andy, a 22 year old college student.
I compare myself to Lisa Kudrow from the ill-fated HBO Series The Comeback. I'll try to hang with them, but I'm sure I'll wimp out at the bar (Sloe Gin Fizzes for everyone, waiter!) or say something completely off the wall, like "Anyone up for a game of canasta?"
Should be a lot of fun. If you care, results will be posted here . Andrew Miller is Worm's brother; hopefully, I'll be in a few shots under him. I have an afternoon tee time (2:20 Central) on Friday and a very early 6:50 tee time on Saturday; theoretically, Derek could leave work after a long lunch on Friday, get drunk, and then wake up Saturday morning - and I would have played 36 by then.
Jul 4, 2006
Happy 4th of July
Happy 4th to all of you! The 4th is quickly becoming one of our favorite holidays. Some of the activities:
- Last night, a few of the neighborhood families got together and watched fireworks from a vacant lot in the neighborhood. The best thing is that the boys are old enough now to run around independently and play by themselves, leaving the adults alone to drink their liquor.
And the "oohs" and "aahs" from 5-year-olds as they see fireworks are priceless.
- Today we went to a township 4th-of-July parade. The police, firemen, ambulances, Cub Scouts, church groups, etc etc etc all parade through a neighborhood. The real highlight is that they threw out candy! When did the 4th become a summer Halloween? We've now got enough candy for the rest of the month.
- A lot of patriotic music was played, but the one that always gets me is Lee Greenwood's "I'm Proud To Be An American". This song always gives me the chills. Why? This song was always played in the old Cleveland Browns stadium at about 12:45, about 10 minutes before the national anthem. Being in the stadium at that time (usually in the Dawg Pound, or in the $19 seats that were three rows behind the first base dugout - unfortunately, this was a football game, and that meant we were at ground level about 40 yards behind the West goal post), hearing that song play gave us a blessed feeling of:
- anticipation (the game's about to begin)
- community spirit (fans old and young, sober and drunk, all singing at the top of their lungs)
- and, of course, patriotism (many, MANY veterans in the Dawg Pound and cheap seats in those days)
Whenever I hear that song, it takes me back to those games at the "House of Thrills". I loved that old stadium.
- And this afternoon, we will take a journey to the race track. Nothing screams "American" than taking your two preschools sons to a race track.
- Last night, a few of the neighborhood families got together and watched fireworks from a vacant lot in the neighborhood. The best thing is that the boys are old enough now to run around independently and play by themselves, leaving the adults alone to drink their liquor.
And the "oohs" and "aahs" from 5-year-olds as they see fireworks are priceless.
- Today we went to a township 4th-of-July parade. The police, firemen, ambulances, Cub Scouts, church groups, etc etc etc all parade through a neighborhood. The real highlight is that they threw out candy! When did the 4th become a summer Halloween? We've now got enough candy for the rest of the month.
- A lot of patriotic music was played, but the one that always gets me is Lee Greenwood's "I'm Proud To Be An American". This song always gives me the chills. Why? This song was always played in the old Cleveland Browns stadium at about 12:45, about 10 minutes before the national anthem. Being in the stadium at that time (usually in the Dawg Pound, or in the $19 seats that were three rows behind the first base dugout - unfortunately, this was a football game, and that meant we were at ground level about 40 yards behind the West goal post), hearing that song play gave us a blessed feeling of:
- anticipation (the game's about to begin)
- community spirit (fans old and young, sober and drunk, all singing at the top of their lungs)
- and, of course, patriotism (many, MANY veterans in the Dawg Pound and cheap seats in those days)
Whenever I hear that song, it takes me back to those games at the "House of Thrills". I loved that old stadium.
- And this afternoon, we will take a journey to the race track. Nothing screams "American" than taking your two preschools sons to a race track.
Jul 2, 2006
World Cup Standings
Well, we have a winner. Don Hershey and his 21 points in pool play have captured the first Zahn Brother's World Cup Draft Tournament. Congrats!!!! And I'm happy that Don won since it really seemed important to him. After the golf tournament two weeks ago in Ohio, Don was more excited about his WC teams going undefeated that afternoon than him actual golf score. Classic gambler and an excellent addition to the group.
But, there is an excellent battle for second place. Will post the final results next week.
Change of attitude
So for the second consecutive time when traveling, I have had some major travel issues. This time it was US Air/America West. I had to travel from LA to Boca Raton this weekend to help out Carol and her sister with their grandmother. I had taken a 1/2 day on Friday so I could get there around 10:00pm. Enough time to get in, get some food and drinks and still get a good night sleep.
So my connection from LA to Phoenix went very well, and everything seemed to be going well on my flight to Phoenix to Boca. But when the plane got out to the runway, we had to turn around. The pilot stated that he needed maintenance to come on board to check out something really small that concerned him. We taxi back to the gate and within 5 minutes they make us deboard the plane since the problem seemed bigger than expected. I start to hem and haw in my seat while they make this announcement and the older lady and the business man next to me start to talk to me about their past travel problems. I tell them that United sucks ass and since they cancelled my flight on New Years Eve from Baltimore to LA and that I had to spend the night in Chicago two weeks ago. The guy tells me a story that American screwed him 2 times in a row and that it took him close to 24 hours to get back to St. Louis from Frisco, and the lady tells me that she dumped Delta due to the same type of shit. We all start laughing since there really isn't a good option for air travel anymore since all the airlines are terrible right now. The only thing that we could agree on is that Southwest seems to be the only reliable option right now. But the problem now with Southwest is that they have jacked up their prices so much that they are more expensive that United, Delta, and American. And not just by a little, but in some cases they are twice as much. For example, I need to fly from LA to Baltimore in August and September. The cheapest Southwest flight (two stops) I can get is $565, while I can get on a non-stop United flight for $325. Hmmm, do I pay the extra $200 to make sure that my flight gets there on time? Do I reward a shitty airline once again? Nope. Not anymore. I'm done with that. I'll pay the extra money just so I know that I'll get there ontime.
Now, back to US Air. So they take only 30 minutes to find another plane and then another 45 minutes to load the luggage and passengers. Not too bad I think, and now I'll get into Boca around midnight. For some reason I decide to double check my math (leave at 5:20 and its a 4 hour flight to Boca plus the 3 hour time change) and I ask the ticket agent what time we will be getting in. He responds that we will be getting in at 2:00am. Um...what? I stand there for maybe 5 seconds before I respond with a "What? That doesn't make sense." He responds that the plane will make a stop in Dallas for gas. Do we not have gas in Phoenix? Some people overhear this and it spreads like wildfire and everyone breaks out into a near riot. People are pissed. I mean extremely pissed. I'm now in a weird state where I'm not pissed because its all too common, and I find this happy medium where I've decided to not get pissed or angry on items that are out of my control. I go call Lee and have a beer, while he trys to get me riled up, but it really doesn't work. I'm beginning to like this new attitude.
And finally to top it off, after a 14 hour commute to Boca, Carol is still sleeping in the hotel room since she forgot to wake up to pick me up. I finally get back to the room and in bed around 3:30am. Nice. I'm done with traveling after this. Seriously. I'm making my two trips back to Baltimore and canceling all other trips except for the ones that Ben and I drive out to Vegas.
So my connection from LA to Phoenix went very well, and everything seemed to be going well on my flight to Phoenix to Boca. But when the plane got out to the runway, we had to turn around. The pilot stated that he needed maintenance to come on board to check out something really small that concerned him. We taxi back to the gate and within 5 minutes they make us deboard the plane since the problem seemed bigger than expected. I start to hem and haw in my seat while they make this announcement and the older lady and the business man next to me start to talk to me about their past travel problems. I tell them that United sucks ass and since they cancelled my flight on New Years Eve from Baltimore to LA and that I had to spend the night in Chicago two weeks ago. The guy tells me a story that American screwed him 2 times in a row and that it took him close to 24 hours to get back to St. Louis from Frisco, and the lady tells me that she dumped Delta due to the same type of shit. We all start laughing since there really isn't a good option for air travel anymore since all the airlines are terrible right now. The only thing that we could agree on is that Southwest seems to be the only reliable option right now. But the problem now with Southwest is that they have jacked up their prices so much that they are more expensive that United, Delta, and American. And not just by a little, but in some cases they are twice as much. For example, I need to fly from LA to Baltimore in August and September. The cheapest Southwest flight (two stops) I can get is $565, while I can get on a non-stop United flight for $325. Hmmm, do I pay the extra $200 to make sure that my flight gets there on time? Do I reward a shitty airline once again? Nope. Not anymore. I'm done with that. I'll pay the extra money just so I know that I'll get there ontime.
Now, back to US Air. So they take only 30 minutes to find another plane and then another 45 minutes to load the luggage and passengers. Not too bad I think, and now I'll get into Boca around midnight. For some reason I decide to double check my math (leave at 5:20 and its a 4 hour flight to Boca plus the 3 hour time change) and I ask the ticket agent what time we will be getting in. He responds that we will be getting in at 2:00am. Um...what? I stand there for maybe 5 seconds before I respond with a "What? That doesn't make sense." He responds that the plane will make a stop in Dallas for gas. Do we not have gas in Phoenix? Some people overhear this and it spreads like wildfire and everyone breaks out into a near riot. People are pissed. I mean extremely pissed. I'm now in a weird state where I'm not pissed because its all too common, and I find this happy medium where I've decided to not get pissed or angry on items that are out of my control. I go call Lee and have a beer, while he trys to get me riled up, but it really doesn't work. I'm beginning to like this new attitude.
And finally to top it off, after a 14 hour commute to Boca, Carol is still sleeping in the hotel room since she forgot to wake up to pick me up. I finally get back to the room and in bed around 3:30am. Nice. I'm done with traveling after this. Seriously. I'm making my two trips back to Baltimore and canceling all other trips except for the ones that Ben and I drive out to Vegas.
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