Sunday: The few, the proud...

Sunday, 7:45 am

Wake up after about 3 hours of sleep. Don and Mike leave for the airport...leaving just Wiz, Leland, Layup, Micah and myself.

I head down to the casino to see who could possibly be there. I find Micah at a Pai Gow table. Micah looks depressed, beaten....yet somehow has a stack of $100 chips in front of him.

"Micah, how is it going?"
"Uhnhnh......"
"Have you been down here since I left?"
"Yes....."

OK then. I surmise it's going well and head over to the Mirage to place ladies' bets. Layup joins me. We find a craps table and do ok for a while - and then two magical things happen:

1) Leland comes by and joins us, and
2) Good, singable music comes on!

First there was an Erasure song (which I can't remember - and no, it wasn't "Chains of Love" or "A Little Respect"). Then Diana came on!

The point was 8 - Layup and Leland were on the hard 8 - and then I started singing:

If I've got to be strong
Don't you know I need to have tonight when you're gone?
till you go I need to......

hold you
until the time

Your hands reach out and

(the roll comes, and I hug Leland, next to me)

Touch me in the morning....

"8! Hard 8!" was the call! Winners all around!

Why no, I don't live in West Hollywood. Why do you ask?


Then Layup and I went over to the Ultimate Texas Hold Em Poker table game. Great game - I'll explain more about it later. It was just Layup and I and the dealer - a 60-ish year old man who could be compared to Wilford Brimley. (Layup likes Cliff Clavin, but I say no.)

We start talking basketball - he loved Western Kentucky - and we found out that he used to referree high school basketball in Michigan. Well, some of you know that I reffed JV ball in Ohio when I got out of school, so the dealer and I hit it off immediately. Layup, however, was not finding the conversation to his liking.

It got so bad that it got in the way of his dealing. He would be holding the cards, ready to give us our 2nd card - but get engrossed in his stories (one of them was his recollection of reffing Derek Jeter in a high school game.) He held the cards for a good 45-60 seconds while talking - and not dealing. Oh, this was driving Layup crazy. I enjoyed watching him get more and more irritated.

Anyway, we went back, I checked out. But we still had the rest of the day to gamble. At this time, it was me (on 3 hours of sleep), Wiz (on about 4), Leland (who "napped" from 11 pm - 2 am the night before and was still up), and Layup, feeling fine after his bout the night before.

Where was Micah? "Oh, he's passed out on the bed. No one is moving him."
Anything wrong? "Well, he lost his wedding ring."

Now, Pai Gow has got to be the most sedentary of all the casino game. NOTHING HAPPENS. The pace of the game is best suited for Estelle Getty. And yet, somehow, between 4-7 am at a Pai Gow table, Micah's ring went missing.

But at least he had the stacks of black chips to keep him company.

The four of us head back over to the Mirage and get something to eat. Leland disappears, and then the three of us head to the Pai Gow table. There was a table with 5 seats, 4 of them being open; I sat down at first base, Wiz was next to me and Layup was opposite me at 3rd base.

There was one seat open - so we were able to play the dragon hand! I forgot the joy of the dragon - the dealer gives someone the option of playing two different hands. Wiz took the dragon about 85% of the time, but still.

After about 30 minutes, a middle aged couple comes up. The man, weighing about 275 pounds, joins us in the empty seat next to Wiz. His wife hovers behind him. The wife is a svelte, petite woman of about 255 pounds or so.

She immediately asks Wiz: "Do you mind if I stand here? I always bring the table good luck." Sure enough, the next hand, Wiz was dealt J-10-8-6-5-3-2 pai gow.

She then compares the Mirage's version of Pai Gow to other Pai Gow tables she has seen - like at extravangant casinos such as the Luxor or Excalibur. "The other casinos have the Fortune bonus. They don't have it here! I am disappointed. I like to play that. It's only $1 and you can win up to $5000! Why don't more casinos offer that game..." and on and on and on.

Wiz is about to slug the lady, I am half cracking up and what's happening to him but half irritiated with her, too, since I can hear her - and Layup is flaling off his chair in laughter. At one point, Layup sees a hot 20 year old walking our way; he signals to Wiz that a hottie is coming - Wiz turns to look and is face to face with the fat lady's crotch standing right next to Wiz, blocking the view. Classic.

After about 10 minutes, Wiz gives up and goes to the Blackjack table right next to us to play $100 hands. Layup joins him. Now that means there is an empty seat between me and the man who sat down to begin this nightmare........... and the wife starts leaning in, covering the space between him and me with her arms and shoulders. She leans on the table in the 2nd position - effectively trapping me - and then starts to make conversation with me.

"Wow - your friend is playing $100 blackjack! I would be very nervous with those stakes. Are you supposed to hit 3 vs a 3? (I swear, that was an actual quote)"

I couldn't take it any more and left. I cashed out, Wiz and Layup had problems with their dealer at their BJ table, so we all went to the cashier - and found her, again, following us.

"How did you guys do? Did you make money?"

Go the fuck away.

We then find an open Ultimate Texas Hold Em table, and eventually decide to play a hand blind. The rules of the game:
1) you are trying to beat the dealer; and you have a $10 ante and a $10 blind;
2) You are dealt your two cards; you can decide to bet 3x or 4x your minimum bet now, or wait;
3) you see the flop; you can decide to bet 2x the minimum bet , or wait;
4) you see all 5 cards, and can decide to bet another $10 or fold.

Well, we decided to bet 4x the ante ($40) without looking at our hole card. So we've got $60 riding on a hand that we haven't looked at.

The board: A-J-8-6-3 , rainbow.

The dealer turns over his cards: Q-6. Damn. A pair.

Wiz's cards are turned: 7-A ! Winner!
My cards are turned: 9.......9! Winner!
Layup's cards are turned: K.....4. Sorry for your luck.

There was a final craps session that I'll blog later about. I can't do it justice right now. I was laughing so hard (while losing money) that the boxman had to tell me "No crying at the Craps table". And it is all Wiz's fault.