For those who lean to the right

Eric, I am assuming this is already on your BlackBerry.

Lots of action

Love these short little posts everyone is going with. Feels like I'm twittering but a little more cumbersome. Almost like when email came about and you had that one friend that continued to send letters. Classic.

Anyway, had to complete 2 hours of Sexual Harassment training yesterday and they had skit that hit a little too close for home. They had this thing about blogging and the content that is posted and how that cane come back on you at work. Hmmm. Better be careful.

Fashion Question

So today, I see someone walking down our hallway in blue jeans....and a formal dark blue blazer.

Quick poll: Is this fashionable or douchy? I say douchy, but most of you know my taste in fashion lacks a lot.

I'm Torn...

I hate the Yankees, but I also hate the National League and all things Philadelphia (minus the cheesesteaks). So, short of the stadium collapsing, I'm not sure what to root for.

Clearly, Schillzilla has let his Yankee hatred make his pick for him. I think that that's an easier call when you're a Red Sawx fan, but it's not that cut and dried for me. I watched the game last night and figured that I would just naturally root for one team that would just be what it was. I found myself rooting against both teams, hating it when either was successful, unable to enjoy either team's success.

Can anyone help me make this decision? Or should I just start my Patriot league college hoops prep now and write off baseball all together?

Its good to have Pedro back

In the spirit of Pedro, I think I might be the most influential blogger on the Internet.

I hope Burnett craps all over himself tonight. Mwuhahahah!

What's worse?

Listening to people complain about bad beats in poker or people complaining about fantasy football.

Let's go Skins.

Wow the Skins are bad. And I know it was hammered into the ground tonight by the announcing crew, but these players stink. Not too sure if it is the play calling.

1. Had a big integration presentation at one of the new company's office location today. Had to talk for 90 minutes while this fat older lady in the front row sat with her legs semi open in a mini skirt right in front of me. Sort of distracting. And not in a "Hmmm, what do we have here" way, but in a "WTF, close your legs woman!!!" type of way.

2. I've been wondering what products Trader Joes sells that attracts an insane amount of attractive women compared to other grocery stores. The answer after many mornings and evenings of research? Greek Yogurt and 29 cent apples.

3. Carol and I were discussing what to do for Thanksgiving and my wonderful wife wants to go to Vegas. Done and done. 4-1 odds that Carol will have the baby on the floor of the Mirage. Even odds that I won't walk away from a hot craps table if she is having the baby on the floor of the Mirage.

A statement

At 2:45 this Sunday, I went outside and played football in the backyard with Freddie and Warren. It was a lot of fun - a nice, 65 degree day. Freddie is practicing punting - he loved to kick off to us - and then I would lateral to Warren and "hold" Freddie so Warren could run all the way across the yard.

Some of you think that this is a wonderful moment in the life of a father. And it is!

Some of you can also understand the hint of sadness as I write that.

NFL Week 7: Pampas

Many people say that the tournament at Augusta starts on Sunday on the 10th tee. I disagree. I think the 7th hole is where the pressure starts to mount and where the players are first fully tested. The 7th is where we start to figure out who is for real and who just got lucky for the first 6 holes.

Maybe it's because of the CBS TV coverage - where for many years, TV coverage on Saturday and Sunday was only limited to 3 hours - so the 7th was really the first hole that TV viewers got to see many golfers play.

It's a tight par 4 that now requires an accurate drive to thread the trees. What's left is a mid iron to a very narrow, sloped green that is well bunkered. A par is a good score - and it will punish any off line shots for those not on their games.

Think about it. You come out of commercial - and Jim Nantz tells you "Let's go to 7 - here is Justin Rose, making an early move...he's -3 thru the first 6. " And then whack - into the trees. He's done. You know it, Nantz knows in, Feherty knows it. The 7th is the first test for these pretenders. Rose is on his way to a 6, and you don't worry about him again.

It works the other way as well...."Here's Shingo Katayama with a delicate downhill putt.....and it's in! He's now 2 back!" Now you unconsciously consider him a contender.

The most appropriate equivalent hole for the 7th at Augusta is the 7th at Blue Ash. A medium length, tight hole - it requires a good drive. The 7th at Blue Ash has one fairway bunker - a bunker that I hit 6 straight times in 2006-07 that it is now known as the Zahn bunker.

(I made par from there 4 out of 6 times, however, much to the dismay of Don).

So - this is the week to separate the leaders from the possible contenders. Which teams at 4-2, 3-3, 3-2 will birdie and go up the leaderboard -and which will mess up here and not be heard from again on the telecast? This is a crucial week for Stephen Ames-like and Scott Verplank-like teams, such as Dallas, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Jets, Arizona, and Philly.

NE 34, TB 13. Will Belicheck be comfortable enough to run up the score for the Brits in London? I say yes. They will see more points here than in a season of Aston Villa games.

(Ha! I kill me....)

Ind 34, StL 19. St Louis can move the ball - I predict a couple of garbage touchdowns here for the Rams in the 4th quarter.

Pit 26, Min 24. NFL secret #1 that I told you last week: Baltimore's pass defense isn't very good.

Secret #2: Pittsburgh's isn't much better.

SD 22, KC 21. Cracks are showing in the Chargers' armour! LT vs Norv! Offense vs Defense! Will the Broncos clich the division by week 10?

SF 27, Hou 20. Gore is back - the 49ers are on a bye - and the zig-zag theory says the Texans are due for a bad game. This game may not even be this close.

Cle 20, GB 17. If I'm the Packers, I am scared of this game. The Browns play better at home (well, let's be clear - Derek Anderson plays better at home). The Browns are not as bad as they are made out to be (I believe we are 34th in the power rankings) because of our schedule (4 of the last 5 on the road, we've played 5 playoff contenders (2 of them undefeated), and the Browns have not quit/abandoned the coach. Mangini is made out to be the devil because he installs discipline- yet Rex Ryan is now starting to make the Jets run laps in New York and he's regarded as a genius who is bringing tough love at the right time.

Cleveland, though void of talent, will not beat itself. The Packers have weaknesses, and may be looking forward to next week's home game vs. Favre.

NYJ 20, Oak 10. I truly believe that last week represents the best that Oakland can play - and they still only won by 4 over an Eagles team willing to give them the game.

Car 24, Buf 10. Likewise, Buffalo played about as good as they could last week - and won in overtime against a team that threw 6 interceptions. That's not happening again. (you do know that Jake Delhomme is still the QB in Carolina, right? -ed.)

NO 20, Mia 17. Don't you think that Miami's strategy against the Saints will be the same one that almost worked against the Colts?

Atl 23, Dal 17. In Dallas - there's no "there" there. What does Dallas do well? Quickly......

They have no wins of note. They struggle vs. good defenses. I don't see it.

Cin 30, Chi 20. I think Cincinnati is another "zig-zag" team. They will bounce back.

NYG 28, Az 20. No real idea on what will happen here.

Phi 19, Was 16. The last stand for Zorn and the Skins. They will make a game of this.

Best bets: 14 this week. (Last week: 9-6-1; overall: 39-36-1)
NE -15
Ind/StL over 45.5

Min +6

KC +5

SF +3

NYJ -6

Car -7

Mia +6

NO/Mia under 47.5

Atl +4.5

Atl/Dal under 48

Cin pk

Chi/Cin over 42.5

Was +7

What a racket

So - after months of using the gym for the treadmill, pool and hot tub (and the occasional pick-up basketball game), I got the courage to go to the personal training desk and ask for an initial consultation with a personal trainer. My goal was to see if I could get advice on exercises that I could do to get better in shape and improve my golf performance.


Wow - I really did not know what kind of shark-tank used-car salesman atmosphere I signed up for.


So, the initial meeting started off by me filling out a questionnaire. One of the first questions:

"How motivated are you to achieve your fitness goals?" (on a scale of 1-10)

Honestly? I mean, I could lie and put "10" - but I know that Sausage McMuffins with egg trumps that motivation every time. So I put "4". I think that's realistic.

"What do you eat for meals each day?" I mean, what kind of question is that? I don't eat the same thing for lunch or dinner. Breakfast? I was honest again and said "nothing, or a granola bar". Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's bad.

Snacks? Well, a cookie in the afternoon....

Then I did a series of tests. First was the upper body strength test. They gave me a bar (hooked up to a computer), and asked me to "curl" it like a bicep curl.

He said go - I pulled - and the bar did not move. After 2 seconds of panicing, he told me it was not supposed to move. Thanks for having me think I was as strong as a 10 year old girl.

Next was the flexibility test. I sat on the ground, feet straight out and against the wall, and my back at a 90 degree angle to the floor.

Then, I put my hands straight out. He then instructed me to bend forward and reach as far forward as I can.

I didn't miss a beat. I said "you mean, in addition to what I am doing now?" My arms went forward a good 3-4 inches more.

Next, the fat test. They were supposed to use that caliper thingy and pinch my fat to figure out a body percentage. I have no idea what that is supposed to do, or measure. They tried to get some skin in an area between my nipple and arm pit (would this be called the upper right chest area?)


Well, after 5 attempts at doing this, they couldn't "grab" a good enough sample, so they just took some measurements and said that was good enough. I wasn't sure if I should feel embarrased or thankful.

Finally, there was the heart rate/VO2 test....whatever VO2 stands for. I ran for five minutes on a treadmill without passing out.

The results came back. He reviewed them with me:

- Upper body strength came back as "average". I'm as shocked as anyone about this. I can't believe I am considered as high as average. Well, that's good!

- Flexibility was off the charts bad. Well, I shouldn't say off the charts. On the bar chart that showed where I stood in relation to people in my age group, I saw a slight sliver of the bar on the left. So I guess there is one or two 37 year olds in America that is less flexible than me.

- Body fat? Hoo boy. Let's just say my body fat percentage equals a good 9-hole golf score for me. Is this really right?

- I have average-to-above-average cardio performance.

I mean, you think about the above results - it's like I am four different people. How can I have that high body fat and yet run 6 miles a day?

Now came the hard sell.

"What's your target weight loss?" he asked. Wel, most of you can guess within 10 pounds or so on my weight. I said I would like to lose 20 pounds.

"Well, I think - in 10 months - we can get to you a target weight of 158 pounds".

I just laughed at him.

Next, he stressed the importance of understanding my heart rate and how it affects my workout. "Here are monitors that can give you that infomration during your workout" - starting from $200 to $400. I said no, I'll pass for now.

Now, the final sell.

"As far as a training plan, I can work with you 2 or 3 times a week, where we work on different areas to get you in shape.Maybe even have you run a mini-marathon!"

How much is each session, I wondered?

"Each session with me is $69. So that's a cost of..... $550-$800 dollars per month."

I was literally speechless for 30 seconds as I tried to process that information.

Am I expecting too much if my expectations are:
- to meet with a trainer once a month (or so)
- get some ideas for exercises from teh trainer
- I go off on my own and do them (let's be honest - maybe 8 times a month)
- check in with him every month to review progress
?

Is this not an option in their world?

Ian Poulter's Closet

A little video:

Ian Poulter's Closet

Now, I know you guys probably hate him cause he's a Euro but this is crazy. 26 pairs of shoes. Quote of video "I'm gonna have to be feeling confident to go on the course..." referring to a pair of red and pink golf shoes. I wouldn't have thought he had a problem with confidence and his attire.

NFL Week 6: Juniper

The 6th at Augusta is a relatively short par 3, downhill to a large but tricky green. The scenery is beautiful - it is next to the 16th and you have to hit over a hill filled with blooming flowers - but the hole itself is unremarkable, except for the green.

You must position yourself on the correct portion of the green to guarantee a par - if you are on the wrong tier, it's death - and you can't 2 putt. The tee shot is not the issue - the problems arise on the green.

As I was going through the games, the picking seemed fairly striaghtforward this week until the later games - then it became difficult. The 1:00 games seemed easy to pick winners - but the 4:00 and onward presented challenges. Az-Sea? Chi-Atl? Den-SD? A good day picking can be for nought if you don't finish properly.

As I was racking my brain for 6th holes that are a par 3 that fit this description, the only one that came to mind was the 6th at Grand Victoria. A short par 3 (140 yards) over water puts you on a green that is severely sloped. A certain Phillies fan on the blog putted off the green last time we played. However, it's easy to lose concentration on a casino golf course - if you get off to a bad start, all you want to do is leave after 9 and go roll the dice. They should hold all Amateur tournaments at Casino golf courses to additionally test the mental states of golfers.

But then I came upon anohter par-3 6th hole, one that is probably the highlight of my golfing career. It was at Kirtland CC in Cleveland, and I was playing in the 2003 US Open Sectional. If I win, I go on to play with Tiger, im Furyk and all at Olympia Fields (in, honestly, one of the more forgettable US Opens in memory).

After chipping in for birdie on #1 (why didn't the USGA replace the 36-hole round with a sudden death playoff?), I was even coming to #6. I hit the green, and faced a very delicate 25 footer down the hill.

There were about 40 people around the green - half were part of the Youngstown Mafia* following my playing partner (we were in twosomes), and half were there to see Chad Campbell playing 4 groups behind. The 6th green was near the clubhouse, so it was a logical point for spectators to gather watching players go by.

I somehow rolled in the 25 footer to go 1 under, and with the crowd gently clapping (which included Kermit, who managed to get out of bed at get to the course by 9:30 am!) - I gave them my patented pompous, arrogant wave. It's the smug one-handed subtle wave that I used to piss Steve off with in 1990 - and I kept it ever since.

Anyway, with that trip down memory lane over, let's see if the Browns will allow me to give that arrogant wave to my Steelers neighbor this week. On to the picks:

KC 20, Was 17. Gees, most of you probably think I'm a Chiefs fan - by the way I pick them every week.

TB 17, Car 16. I think Carolina is awful and can lose on the road to anyone.

Pit 20, Cle 13. I don't think people realize that the Browns defense has actaully been playing solid the last few games.

NO 27, NYG 20. I base this solely on the fact that the Giants haven't beaten anyone of note.

Bal 31, Min 24. I'm interested to see how Baltimore stops Jared Allen - like we did in week 1. And also the fact that Minnesota strgguled to win against the only decent team they played (San Fran). And I don't think the Ravens will lose 3 in a row. You could say that I'm trying to buy a Ravens loss here. If they win , well, I win money. If they lose, I'm happy.

The perfect score here is Min 25, Bal 24.

Jax 23, StL 13. Ugh. And someone actually was thinking of taking the Jags in the suicide pool?

GB 31, Det 17. No defense for Detroit will allow Rodgers to take advantage and score early and often.

Hou 24, Cin 23. Based on the zig-zag theory, it's time to pick the Texans; and the Bengals are due for another letdown. They had the big win vs. the Steelers, then laid an egg against the Browns; they had a big win against the Ravens last week. I don't think the Bengals are good enough to bring their A game week in and week out, consistently.

Sea 23, Az 17. I have no idea on the NFC West. Really.

Phi 27, Oak 7. You have to go against Oakland every week until 1) they cover, or 2) the line is 20 or more. Right?

NYJ 27, Buf 10. I want to say so many things here about the trade, the Bills, the Jets..........but I'm afraid I will gooch the Browns with my thoughts. Yes, the thoughts all relate to the Browns.

Let's just say that I enjoyed seeing a win again for the Browns, and am happy they are playing fundamental football. Playing mistake-free football will allow you to win games that the opponents hand to you. That's what Buffalo did. Excelling in the fundamentals will give you 4-5 wins a year, no matter what the talent level - because the coaching on other teams is so bad.

NE 33, Ten 17. CMON, CMON Brady - break out here. I need you.

Atl 26, Chi 23, OT. No real good gut feeling on this game.

SD 24, Den 17. I do believe in the power of being desperate - and SD, off a bye, is desperate.

Best bets of the week: 16 of them. Last week: 7-7; overall: 37-37.

KC +6

TB +3

Car/TB under 39

NO -3.5

Bal +3

Bal/Min over 44.5

StL/Jax under 43

Hou +5

Sea -3

Az/Sea under 46.5

Phi -14

Phi/Oak under 40.5

NYJ -9.5

NE -9

Ten/NE over 42.5

SD -3.5

* - I don't believe I am lying about the Mafia thing. There were some truly shady characters in our gallery all day. Steve - thoughts?

4 days, 40 miles, 1 pair of socks

For those who don't know, Derek and I just finished running a trip based on this article in the June issue of Runner's World. Below is my attempt to recount the run in some amount of detail.

Day 1
The trip is finally here! We leave the hotel on Sunday morning around 7:30am and head over to the trailhead. We're cutting a few miles off the beginning of the run, we're planning to do about 7 instead of the 10 that the article calls for. Why push it the first day? Let's see how we do and we can add miles back in later if we feel good. But something tells me that we're not going to feel good at the end of this trip.

The run is pretty intense, so I'm glad we cut off some of the miles. There are basically three big hills-- a 900 foot climb, a 500 foot climb and a 400 foot climb. Almost as bad as the inclines are the declines. While the uphills tend to be switchbacks, the downhills are basically straight shots down the hill and they are tough on the quads, ankles, and feet. The views are amazing--running up the hills and through the valleys and then back up the hills until we finally run down a final hill to Muir Beach. We run across the beach (not nearly as fun as it sounds) and billygoat it up a STEEP incline to the road. After a consultation with the map, we run about a half mile down the road and end up at the Pelican Inn--the termination of Day 1.

Unfortunately for us, it's about 10:30AM and the Pelican Inn won't let us check in until 3pm. Seems that there was a wedding here the night before and most of the rooms are still occupied. We're pretty sweaty and stinky, so we change in the bathroom off of the main hallway and head out to Sausalito for lunch. Sausalito is nice, but overrated. After lunch we head to the grocery store to pick up a few things and head back to the Pelican Inn to finally check in.

The Pelican Inn is a very authentic English-style bed and breakfast inn, just off of Muir Beach. The lady at the front desk was a complete C when we arrived at 11, but she couldn't be nicer now. She shows us to our rooms, gives us a quick tour of the place and we make reservations for dinner downstairs at 6. After a shower (finally!), unpacking a few things, and generally putzing around for a couple of hours, we head down to dinner. Dinner is surprisingly good and we're in bed by 8.

Day 2
We've learned our lesson from Day 1, so we're starting Day 2 at 10:30--aiming to get to the next hotel around 1. Today's run is about 7 miles, with plenty of up and down. We start at sea level and will end up at 960 feet. We'll run up a hill, down into Muir Woods and then back up Mt. Tam to our next hotel, the Mountain Home Inn.

We start out running along the road for a half mile or so and then up and along a ridge. The ridge is 1300 feet up, that's that a bit of a feat in and of itself. The descent puts us into Muir Woods as we careen over rocks and roots amongst the 300 foot tall redwoods. Once at the bottom, we head back up, to finally end at The Mountain Home Inn. 7 miles, 2440 feet in elevation gain, 1995 feet of elevation loss.

Once at the MHI, I can't wait to get in the shower. The shower is great--it's big, the water's HOT, and it has a huge tub. While taking my shower, all I want to do is sit down--so I decide to take a bath. After about 15 minutes of soaking in a steaming hot bath, I decide it's not time for a cold shower. You know, because I haven't bathed quite enough in the previous shower and bath.

Laugh at my bathing extravaganza if you will, but while I'm sore, I'm not as bad as I would have thought. My quads and calves are ok, knees, ankles, ass and hips are pretty sore. Knees and ankles are sore from the downhills, the ass and hips from the uphills. My body is telling me in no uncertain terms that I haven't done nearly enough hill work to be ready for something like this.

We spend a little time at one of the tables in the bar area looking a tomorrow's map and decide on a route and distance. We'll be running a fairly flat 11 miles along the Bolinas Ridge, but here's the kicker--it's going to be raining all day with 35-40 mph winds, gusting up to 60mph! Let's hope that it's behind us!

Day 3
Oh mommy.

The challenge of day 3 is that there are torrential downpours and sustained winds of 35-40 mph. That, along with a smooth 11 mile agenda should make for a treat of a run. We get out of the Mountain Home Inn around 11:15am and after stopping for gas, we finally get to the trailhead around 1pm. We get out of the car and there's no time for niceties—it’s damn cold. Or should I say, cold, windy, and rainy.

We head off into the trail starting at about 1500 feet of elevation and are scheduled to run slightly downhill the whole way into Olema. We start amongst the redwoods of Muir Woods and Mt. Tam State Park and we quickly realize that any hopes that we had of keeping any part of us dry is lost. It hasn't rained here in 7-8 months and the current monsoon is just dumping rain down on us (rainfall total for the day was about 3 inches). As a result, the trails are completely washed out and have streams of water running down and across them. At low points, there are huge puddles--generally 8-12 feet long, 3-4 inches deep, and as wide as the trail. Our early success rate in clearing the puddles is about 50% and as a result, our shoes are completely soaked. We continue on the trail, and on through the redwoods. The sights are amazing, the trees are 200-300 feet tall and supposedly germinated around the time of William the Conqueror. With the wind and the rain, it makes for quite a sight--something straight out of Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. We stop briefly to take it all in, but quickly move on. We were warned that the redwoods tend to drop a lot of branches and other debris in high winds, so we are careful not to linger too long. Debris falling from 300 feet could make for a pretty bad day--you know, because running 11 miles in the pouring rain wasn't already bad enough.

After about 5 miles, we make our way through the redwoods and the trail opens up into rolling meadows. At least that's what it looks like for the 200 or so feet that I can see. The wrinkle that the meadow throws at us is that we are now completely exposed to the wind and the rain is pelting us at 35 mph. Luckily for us, the wind is generally at our backs, so it makes the run a little easier. That, plus the gentle decline of the trail and we are making pretty good time. We pass miles and miles of pastures and see a couple of dozen cows. But the sight of the hills is tough to describe--they were almost too perfect. Rolling hills that reminded me of something that you would see on a milk carton or a cheese commercial. It was just that perfect. Expect for that pesky wind and rain.

As the miles crank by, the declines become tougher. Derek has a quad that has been bothering him for most of the run and my right knee starts aching around mile 6. Both ailments only seem to bother us on the downhills and we look ridiculous coming down even the mildest of slopes. At mile 11.37, our trail ends and we hit the road and begin the final descent to tonight's hotel, the Point Reyes Seashore Lodge. We are both soaked to the bone, tired, sore and looking forward to the end of the day. A forgettable meal at the bar next to the hotel and we're back in the rooms to try to dry our clothes and prep for the next day.Up next: a 1300 foot climb up Mt. Wittenburg and a 1000 foot climb up Mt. Vision before a final mile-long descent into Inverness. It's scheduled to be about 11 miles and sounds like a final kick in the pants to me.

Day 4
Day 4 starts with me checking my shoes. They are still pretty wet from the previous day’s romp, despite having them in front of the fireplace for 3 hours and in front of the open window all night. After breakfast, we get hairdryers from the front desk and get to work drying out our shoes.

Today’s agenda is a fairly ambitious one, 11 miles and two 1000+ foot climbs. Neither of us feels great, but all things considered, we don’t feel all that bad either. The weather seems to be generally cooperative—it’s foggy and about 60 degrees—not bad running weather. We get to the trailhead and head on an initial climb. Mt. Wittenburg is first up and the climb is about 1400 feet in two miles. We basically hike this climb due to the incline of the hill—there are almost no switchbacks, just a straight shot up the hill.

Once at the top, we are left to imagine how great the view must be—we can’t see more than about 50 feet due to the fog. That’s too bad, because I could really use an excuse to catch my breath. We continue on, stopping every mile or so to check the map and make sure that we’re on the right trail.

Around mile 7, we reach Mt. Vision. Our knees are really barking now, just in time for another 1000 foot climb. The uphills aren’t so bad on the knee, it’s the downhill that I’m now dreading. It’s a mile or two up and a mile or two down, but I’m comforted by the thought that it’s only a couple of more miles until the pain will stop. I quicken my pace until we reach the final descent. According to the article, it’s supposed to be a beautiful run down Mt. Vision into Inverness, overlooking Tomales Bay. Instead, it’s a comical vision of two gimps, each dragging a leg behind them, peg-leg style.

No matter how ignominious the ending, we’ve done it! The final mileage is 37.11 (6.94, 6.68, 12.16, and 11.33 miles). We’re tired and sore, but already talking about where the next trip should be.

Anyone want in?

Day 3

So Lee and I have been on our 40 mile run through Muir Park in San Fran and its been brutal. 1000 ft climbs are easy compared to the 1000 ft drops. And when there is multiple climbs like this in one run, it really is demoralizing. Going into the third day, my quads are done. Hard as a rock and no power left. Thank god we have a nice flat 11 mile run today on top of Mt. Tam's ridge. Would be nice if we didn't have to deal with this all day. No ipod or any electronics on this run. Just the friendly conversation of Lee, the wind, and the falling redwoods. Wish us luck.

NFL Week 5: Magnolia

Have you even been to Augusta? This hole may be the least visited hole out there. It is located at the upper right portion of the course grounds - the dogleg in the fairway is probably the most remote location on the course, save for the 11th tee.


If you are a spectator, you usually follow your favorite golfer through 1, 2 and 3 - and then see the tee shot on the par 4 4th; then you say to your group: "Geesh, I'm not walking all the way out there. Let's catch them when they get back on the 6th or the 7th.". And then you eat your 5 pimento and cheese sandwich and move away.


When you watch on TV, this is a hole that they probably draw straws to see who covers in the early part of the telecast. Oh, who am I kidding. They just send Peter Kostis out there to cover the bland hole - he's a bland annoucner.


How bland and forgetful is it? In the 2009 Masters, there were only 7 doubles on this hole in whole tournament - and no triples or higher. What other hole out there is that boring where triple is not even an option?


That's week 5. A forgetful week that most spectators will just skip and wait for a better week next week. Have you seen these games? Yikes! Tampa at Philly. Dallas at KC. Cleveland at Buffalo. Washington at Carolina. Oakland at the Giants. Yes, let's grab our $1.50 burger and head to the hill next to the 6th hole.


Min 23, StL 16. Classic let down game for the Vikings. Just like the Browns last week, if you think a team really has hit rock bottom, they will (by definition) bounce.


Phi 27, TB 7. Now, if you dont' think a team has hit rock bottom yet..... Philly, on two week's rest, against Josh Johnson? Please.


NYG 28, Oak 10. Giants will get up big and then rest Eli.


Dal 24, KC 20. I can hear Layup shaking his head from here. But Dallas has no pass defense. None. That's the only thing KC can do.


Pit 31, Det 13. Lot of turnovers going the Steelers' way here.


Car 23, Was 9. The Panthers are a desperate team. I just can't see the Skins winning here.


Cle 24, Buf 20. So you're Don Criqui - the radio voice of the Notre Dame Irish. You used to be the #2 play by play man in the NFL (on NBC) for years in the 1980s. Now, for whatever reason, you are doing college radio play by play, but CBS has you hired as the 8th (that's right, the 8th) play by play team for those rare weeks when CBS is covering 8 games.


(Since Fox has the baseball playoffs, I thnk CBS will get most of the games for this week and the next).


So how did this phone call go 2 weeks ago?


Don: Hello?
CBS Flunkie: Hi Don! Hey, we need you to fill in and do a game on Oct 11th for us.
Don: Let me check my schedule.....(stalling, since schedule is wide open)....ok, I am available.
CBS Flunkie: Great! We'll put you down.
Don: Uh, what game is it?
CBS Flunkie: It's an NFL Game on Sunday! We'll snd you the itinerary.
Don: Where am I going??
CBS Flunkie: You're doing the Cleveland/Buffalo game.


Don: Oh wait, I forgot, I'm getting the swine flu that day.....

Bal 27, Cin 24. I don't think Baltimore's defense is all that good. And Cincy will bounce back after the awful showing vs. us last week.


SF 20, Atl 16. I have no idea what to expect from the Niners since Gore is out.

Sea 24, Jax 17. Hasselback is back, and I don't trust the Jags on the road. Didn't I say this 2 weeks ago?

NE 27, Den 20. I fail to see how New England lets this game fall through.

Arz 31, Hou 20. Layup and I have been discussin WNBA betting, and he's been fairly successful using the "Zig-Zag" theory. When one team wins and covers, bet against them the next game. It's worked awfully well in the WNBA playoffs. I think the Zig Zag theory worked for the Texans for weeks 1-4, and it's time to go against them in week 5.

Ind 27, Ten 16. I smell a trap here........but, as you know, I am a sucker.



Mia 21, NYJ 13. I think the Saints set a good example for many teams on how to get to Sanchez.

Best bets: 14 of them. Last week: 9-6. Overall: 30-30.



StL +10.5
Phi -15
Tb/Phi under 42
KC +7.5
Pit -10.5
Car -4
Cin +8.5
Cin/Bal over 42.5
Sea -1
NE -3
NE/Den over 41
Az -5.5
Ind -3.5
Mia +1.5

C.B. Buckner

You are a pile of shit.

Sincerely,

- The Baseball Viewing Public

Yesterday, I made a little mistake in marinating some chicken. On the weekend I had picked up a bag of assorted peppers at the West Side Market for a $1. Included, was one innocent looking pepper which I believe was a Hungarian wax pepper. Well, I figured I'd cut it up and add it to the chicken. So, I wash it, take the seeds out, cut it into rings. Now, I'm treating this pepper like it's just an ordinary green pepper or something. I mean really, it's not like it's a habanero or something. Not even a jalepeno. Well, there's my mistake. After, putting the marinating chicken in the fridge, I start getting ready for bed. You know, the usual. Go to the bathroom, take my contacts out...and as soon as I touch my eye, I'm in immediate pain. And yes I've washed my hands a couple times already. I feel like I'm in a 3 Stooges skit and I've been poked in the eye. My eye is instantly red, tears are flowing and I can't open them because it hurts so much. At the same time, I'm laughing hysterically because of my stupidity. I'm flushing my eyes with cold water but I'm also determined to get my contacts out. I abandon the right eye and proceed to the left. Now, it's red and the tears are flowing. After multiple tries and more water in the eyes, I get the left out. What about the right? Screw it. I'll get it in the morning. Try to brush my teeth and can't keep my eyes open long enough to see me put toothpaste on the brush. Get them brushed and go to bed.

Amanda's like "What is wrong with you?". I tell her the story and start to relax. But wait, something's happening down below. Yes, you guessed it, my penis is on fire. I lie there for a second and it's not getting any better. Needless to say I'm scrubbing my penis in the shower at 1:30 am. Come back to bed and ask if she'd like to have a little fun and for the first time she said "sorry for your luck".

Never did find the contact in my right eye. I think the pepper dissolved it in my eye.

15 years ago...

On this date, 15 years ago today, I started my first real full time job - for a military contractor in Dayton. I still remember the walk into the front door. I made $35,000 a year - $35,000! Wow!

No point - it seems so far away and yet I remember it clearly.

NFL Week 4: Flowering Crabapple

Week 4 is when things starts to toughen up in the NFL. There are some great games this week to really test the good teams - are you really as good as you think you are?

Hole #4 accomplishes the same task at Augusta. The first three holes at Augusta are not the toughest - well, #1 is tough, but a good golfer should sleepwalk with pars on 2 and 3.

Now the fun begins. Are you up to the challenge? #4 - Flowering Crabapple (even the name sounds brute) is a long par 3 of 240 yards, downhill onto a treacherous green. Oh yeah - don't go over by 10 yards or you are out of bounds.

Many courses have this kind of a hole - a long, hard hole in the middle of the front nine to wake you up out of your sleep. It is the first real tough hole on the course that makes you pay attention. If you are playing well, this will be the hole that you get your first bogey on; if you are not plaing well, then you don't look forward to this hole - because you aren't getting one back here.

Granville #4 is very much like Augusta #4 - chances are hole #2 caught you are you are 1 over on the tee. Are you going to wake up and paly better - or are you going to have a sloppy double? Grandview #5 is another great example. I love playing this hole when I am down against Steve, since there isn't room on this hole to hit a right-to-left shot, and Steve's ball flight is a 30 yard right-to-left spatula. Yankee Trace #4, while a par 4, also fits in the same category.

So will the Jets and Ravens remain at even after 4? Will the Steelers right the ship after 2 bogies on their first 3 holes? Will Cleveland post another double and be 7 over after 4? On to the picks:

Was 20, TB 7. I know the Redskins are bad, but Josh Johnson is the QB for Tampa.

NE 28, Bal 26. I think the Ravens are vulnerable to the short pass if a deep threat exists on the team. I look for a high scoring game.

NYG 23, KC 17. My consistent belief that the Chiefs will be close one of these Sundays is irrational.

Ten 24, Jax 20. Nothing comes easy with the Titans.

Ind 33, Sea 17. Boy, Indy looks unstoppable, don't they? They can socre at will. Pierre Garcon was still available in both my fantasy leagues, by the way.

Hou 20, Oak 16. I have no faith in the Texans giving consistent effort 2 weeks in a row.

Cin 21, Cle 20. When the whole world picks against the Browns - including Mike Greenberg of Mike and Mike.....

Chi 23, Det 16. Yes, I think the Lions are headed toward respectability. The Bears are overrated, and they will win here, but it will be close. Matt Forte, please wake up anytime now...

NO 31, NYJ 20. The Saints have an average defense - and that wil be enough here.

Mia 16, Buf 14. Ugh. Glad I won't watch this game.

SF 23, StL 10. Bot sure about this game after the 9ers lost Frank Gore.

Den 27, Dal 23. I have a feeling the Cowboys have a bad Monday night hangover after that game vs. Carolina. They are an average team.

Pit 27, SD 17. I hate to say it, but the Steelers are out for blood.

Min 24, GB 23. Favre! Favre! Green Bay! Favre! Favre! Wrangler Jeans!

Best bets: 15 of them (last week : 8-6, overall: 21-24)

Was -7.5

TB/Was under 37

Bal/NE over 45

KC +9

Ind -10

Sea/Ind over 44

Oak +8.5

Oak/Hou under 42.5

Det +10

NO -7

Buf/Mia under 37

SF -10

Den +3

Dal/Den over 42

Pit -6

Are you kidding me?

So, this morning, OK it was actually closer to noon, I open the garage door and notice 2 things: my garbage can lying on its side and a man trying to fix his broken umbrella. I don't exactly live in the hood but I am a city dweller. So, I tend to avoid eye contact with some of the locals. I open the trunk of my car and start getting my gym bag ready in case on the off chance I go to the gym after work tonight. Now, I've backed in so I'm basically hidden behind the car. After, I finish in the trunk, no longer than a minute, I look up and see that both the man and my can are gone. WTF? A little irritated, I drive around the area for 10 minutes and they are no where to be found.

Unrelated, I'm driving to work this morning (again closer to noon) and I notice that I have a huge hole in the crotch of my pants. Now, I don't remember the last time I wore pants. I even went to a wedding this summer in shorts, well, it was in Vegas. Actually, come to think of it, I wore pants that day 'cause we had VIP entry to the 101 club on top the Palms and I couldn't get in. So, I had to go back to Caesars and put pants on. But, I digress. So, the question is, do I drive home and change or say screw it?

BTW, I could have posted a picture of the hole in my crotch or of what Amanda wore to the wedding. I think I made the right choice.