Where's the Charmin????!???

So what do people use when they run out of toilet paper? Never had that problem? Hmmm, so I guess I'm just that lazy. Last night I ran out of TP, but magically found a roll of Bounty underneath the sink. Inspected it, thought it was soft enough and felt like it would get the job done. Well, never use Bounty!!! NEVER!!! Bounty caused the mother of all toilet backups. I guess the Bounty is too thick for the plumbing, so I had a massive overflow. And Bounty is so compact and made not to dissolve in water (thought about that after the fact), that you have to use the plunger like 2,000 times before anything even starts to drain. I actually had to remove the Bounty from the toilet, since it just wouldn't drain. And after I cleaned up everything and took a 40 minute shower, I had to take a quick piss. Flushed the toilet and realized that some of the Bounty was still in there and it was blocked up again. Plunged again, this time only for about 2 mintues, removed the Bounty and took another shower. I almost passed out in the shower due to all the cleaning products that I poured on the floor. Good times. Almost as good as minding your own business, then having one of your friends take your picture in a hotel lobby, only for it to look like your taking a dump.

This had me thinking about a couple of things this morning on the way to work:
1. Would it of made a difference if I used cheap papertowels?
2. Should of I used something different, like a warm wet towel or something like that?
3. Is there anything better than Charmin Ultra?