Wedding Crasher

So I crashed a wedding on Saturday. My sister is getting married later this year and is scoping out bands for the reception (I've retired my iPod DJ headphones), so we (me, my sister, and her fiancee) went to a wedding where one of the bands she is considering was playing.

The wedding was at the Tremont Grand hotel in Baltimore, on N. Charles Street. We walked into the room (a nice, but fairly typical hotel ballroom) and surveyed the crowd. Approximately 220 people, with the demographics of your typical wedding crowd. We were hoping to arrive late enough that everyone there had already had 4-5 cocktails and I think that we just about nailed it. After surveying the crowd for a minute or so, we headed for the bar. Marisa's (the bride) selection is a chocolate martini and Mike's (the groom) selection is a Budweiser. Hello, Baltimore! I opt for a Jack and Coke. No Jack, says the bartender, only Wild Turkey. Yikes! Wild Turkey and Coke it is. After we grab drinks, we settle into the far corner of the room to try to watch the band as unobtrusively as possible. Within 3 minutes, a guy comes walking up to us and asks us who we know. "We're friends of friends" I reply. Who invites friends of friends to a wedding?!?! Luckily for me, this guy is a dope. He's English and claims to be an engineer on a private yacht in Ft. Lauderdale. After some small talk, we finally ditch Capt. Stubing. My sister and her financee decide to try to talk to the band leader (they just stopped for a break) and I head back for another Turkey and Coke!

While at the bar a girl introduces herself to me. Wedding crasher rookie mistake #1, I give her my real name. Her name is Ariel, and she's Marisa's first cousin. Uh-oh, I can see this ending badly. Who do I know, Mike or Marisa? "I'm a friend of a friend." Luckily for me, our late arrival works in my favor again. She is WAY too hammered to care what I'm saying and leaves to talk to some other people. 30 seconds later, I am looking around the room to find my sister and I hear, "Leland!...LELAND!" Oh no--it's my new friend, and she wants to introduce me to a group of people. I walk over and meet her drunk friends and her mom. Luckily for me, they are all as drunk as she is and very easily entertained. I end up talking to Ariel and her mom for 10-15 minutes and really get them laughing (O/U on combined cocktails between Ariel and her mom = 16.5--I realize that I'm really not this funny.) At this point in the conversation, the bride starts walking over. Holy shit! If I don't get out of here, I can just see this ending very badly. I quickly excuse myself and head for the exit. Whew! That was enough wedding crashing for my maiden voyage.

Until next weekend, that is...