Last night, my "FWB" texts me and wants a favor. I'm watching the Masters and don't particularly want to leave the house. After much pointless texting, it becomes apparent that she wants "benefits". "Sure, come over," I text. Now, she can be a little annoying. Actually, really annoying. The last time we talked, I got irritated and told her to "Shut the fuck up". So, I hadn't heard from her in 2 months. She arrives at the house a couple hours later...with her dog. Her dog is a medium sized dog and usually sleeps with us. I've been single for 4 years now and I'm starting to find my little pug and dickhead cat annoying in bed with me. But, what's the harm? I get some "benefits" at the cost of little sleep.
Fast forward to the middle of the night. Her dog keeps drinking out of the toilet...like 10 or 15 times and I'm thinking this dog is going to piss in my house. If only, that was the case. 6:30 AM, I wake up and am like "What is that smell?" I look up and the dog has shit on the carpet. And it reeks. My "WTF is that" wakes the "FWB" up. I explain and she starts cleaning up after her dog. Now, I go downstairs looking for the piss that I'm sure to find. Nothing. But, the smell is even worse down here. I get the flashlight out and begin searching. And there it is, in my dining room, the biggest pile of green dog shit I've ever seen. Just thinking of the smell, is causing me to dry heave as I type.
Apparently, the "FWB" had had a Sunday Funday brunch at her house. And, her lovely friends had been feeding this poor dog people food all day long and I became the benefactor of that. I guess this is why the dog was so thirsty. On the bright side, no piss was found...just steaming piles of shit.
So goes, the single life of a 47 year old...
