For this week's reality show that we are profiling, we look at staple of Daytime TV - Maury!
Show: Maury
Network: Local Stations (WSTR-Channel 64 in Cincinnati, WJZ-Channel 13 in Baltimore, WUAB-Channel 43 in Cleveland, KFMB-Channel 8 in San Diego. Other cities on request! Who needs to know where this is on in Washington, DC?)
When: Check your local listings. 3 pm here in Cincinnati
Main Characters: Maury, of course!
Well, who doesn't know the basis of the Maury show? It's like your mother's meatloaf - you may not always be in the mood for it- but if you are feeling depressed and need a pick me up - it's always there for you to lift your spirits.
We will get into the show in a moment - but first, the background on Maury Povich! The son of a broadcaster, he was in broadcasting himself in the 60s and 70s, and broke through nationally on a show called "A Current Affair" in 1986. Remember that? This was semi- tabloid journalism, and Wikipedia said critics praised it as a show that delivered information "like a good afternoon newspaper". Boy, how outdated a reference is that? Afternoon newspapers?
(Note: actually, I am old enough to remember that the Baltimore Sun used to publish a morning and evening edition. Your paper box at the end of the driveway was marked with a big Sharpie - "M" for the morning edition, "E" for evening, and "S" for Sunday. Do they even have those "SUNPAPERS" boxes any more in Maryland???)
In 1991, as the talk show boom was just starting, Maury got his own show -The Maury Povich Show. So Maury has been with us nationally now for over 25 years. The first several years focused on family topics - abuse, bullying, family drama, makeovers, etc. Then, around 2005, the show found its niche and hasn't budged since - focusing almost 100% on paternity questions.
You know how this goes - so let me outline a typical episode from memory:
Title: "Shocking DNA Results!"
Plot: Our guest comes in, usually a 20-ish woman, trying to establish who the father is for her child. The child is usually about 6-24 months. She thinks she knows who the daddy is; actually, she is usually about 500% certain. A picture of the baby with the suspected baby daddy is shown; the resemblance is "obvious" to the guest.
The suspected baby daddy comes in to boos from the audience (why?); he is 3,000% certain he is NOT the father for whatever reason. Maury asks him if the test determines he is father, will he support the baby? The answer is always yes.
Then the teaser - we have the DNA testing results! THE RESULTS ARE IN!
Commercial, usually for a divorce lawyer
We're back; Maury has a big legal-size envelope with the results; the ending for this segment can go one of two ways:
1. Maury rips open the envelope and says: "In the matter of this later, the paternity test determines that....(dramatic pause)...you ARE the father!" The lady jumps up and down and gets in the guy's face (not sure how that helps); huge cheers from the audience and the guy usually is subdued and agrees to start paying child support.
2. Maury rips open the envelope and says: "In the matter of this later, the paternity test determines that....(dramatic pause)...you ARE NOT the father!" The guy immediately jumps up and down and runs off screen in celebration; the lady starts crying and runs backstage in a complete breakdown. We see Maury go back, comfort her and say "we can help you find the real father. Let us know if you have other guys you want us to test"
And....scene! Another guest comes in after the break!(How did I do?)
(another side note: a rapper published an album named "You are the Father" with Maury on his cover. May need to buy this CD just for giggles....)
Maury is on at 3 pm here in Cincinnati - that has been prime nap time for me, so this is not appointment TV; however, it's great for background noise if I'm around the house, or if I'm feeling depressed and want to feel better about myself. It's always there for me when I need it. That's the comfort food of the Maury show.
Why am I bringing up Maury this week? Well, as a Browns fan, I feel like I have been a recurring guest on this program for 19 years. Ever since 1999, I imagine Maury has a annual episode every fall with Browns fans....
September episode: Eric is our special guest today on Maury! Eric has been here a few times...15, to be exact....looking for his franchise quarterback...
Eric: I'm sure we have a franchise quarterback! I'm sure that this guy- Tim Couch, Kelly Holcomb, Luke McCown, Charlie Frye, Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson, Brandon Weeden, Colt McCoy, Robert Griffin, DeShone Kizer ----- I'm sure that he is our franchise quarterback.
(two months go by)
November: Maury says to me "THE RESULTS ARE IN !"
"In the matter of being the Browns franchise quarterback, (insert QB name here) - you ARE NOT the franchise QB for the Browns!"
I then go running off stage into the arms of Layup asking "How did this happen? Why can't I find a franchise quarterback???" Layup just rolls his eyes for the 15th time and thinks: "Oh boy. Here we go again...."
Now - for the 2018 version of the Maury Browns show - will Maury tell me good results? Do we finally have a franchise quarterback in Baker Mayfield? I hope so. I don't want to be sobbing backstage again in November....
On to the games:
Atl 30, NO 27. Can't trust either team in this game. Not sure that the Falcons O is completely back, and I see a lot of issues in the Saints. 3 point home team win.
Bal 27, Den 17. Case Keenum beat the Raiders and Seahawks at home. Really? I'm supposed to be impressed by that? I don't think he can take advantage of a weak Ravens secondary.
Cin 23, Car 16. I still don't believe in the Panthers. I think the Bengals front 7 will shut down McCaffrey and the Panthers don't have the passing game to overcome that.
Hou 23, NYG 13. Hou has a good run D- and that's all you really need against the Giants O right now. Watson will play better in his first home game for 2018.
Jax 20, Ten 17. Classic let down game. Jax was all amped up for the Patriots last week - it was clear watching each play - they wanted to beat NE so bad. And they did! A letdown is inevitable.
KC 34, SF 30. Have to pencil in the Chiefs for 30+ points until further notice. And the Niners pass D is not great - they almost let the Lions come back and win last week.
Mia 27, Oak 24. Still not sure about either of these teams. I don't think the defenses for either team is all that good; Oakland is starting to move the ball and this should be high scoring.
Min 27, Buf 13. No real motivation for the Vikings here. This seems like a lazy pick - and it is!
Phi 20, Ind 16. Boy, I'm worried about the Eagles. Does Wentz have any rust on him for this week? Who's he throwing to? Who's running? Reich knows the playbook, too...
GB 23, Was 21. This will be a close game, and I think Rodgers will find a way at the end to pull it out. Interesting to watch the Was run game vs. the weak GB defense.
LAR 30, LAC 24. I think the Chargers will score enough points to stay in this game. Too many weapons on the Chargers' side.
Chi 19, Az 16. This will be a close game; the letdown factor is big here, too, for the Bears. And I know how 0-2 teams come back with a good performance in week 3. Seen it 10x times with the Browns.
Sea 27, Dal 17. First home game for Seattle is big. Dallas will force Wilson out of the pocket - but, unlike Eli, he likes that! Wilson will move the ball.
NE 28, Det 27. Spent a lot of time this week asking myself: "how good are the Patriots, really?" They beat Houston by 7 - at home - and we now know Houston has issues. I see a back door cover here.
Pit 27, TB 24. I hope I am so, so wrong on this pick. I want nothing more that to see another Pittsburgh loss. Maybe Bud Light should start putting beer coolers in Pittsburgh....
Best bets: 13 of them. Last week: 7-7; overall: 14-17-1
Bal -5.5
Cin +3
Hou -6
NYG/Hou under 43.5
Ten +TBA
SF/KC over 54.5
Oak/Mia over 44.5
Ind +7
Ind/Phi under 46
LAC/LAR over 48.5
Az +6
Sea -1.5
Det +7
Supercontest picks: Last week: 2-3; overall: 5-4-1
Bal -5.5
Cin +3
Ten +9.5
Az +5.5
Sea -2
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