Vegas 2016, Part 3

Friday, March 11

I think I was able to sleep in till about 5 or so this morning. The body was starting to hurt. Nevertheless, headed down to the tables for my customary Baileys and coffee and an empty UTH table - and a nice winning session to start the day.

Wiz set up another round of golf - today was TPC Summerlin, a course we had not played before. We were going to leave around 8:30 in order to get there for our 10:00 am tee time. While we were packing up - the sports news of the year broke! The Browns had finally cut Johnny Manziel! The timing was no real surprise - since Wednesday March 9 was the first day teams could cut people and not have them impact the salary cap for 2016. We all expected the cut as we arrived on Wednesday - which meant we may have had a chance to see a drunk Johnny in the Mirage over the weekend - but it was not to be.

We got to the course around 9:15 or so.....at the course, we were warming up (and it was clear my swing stayed at the Mirage...); the coffee kicked in and I had to go to the restroom. Ah, what better time to check with some of the early scores? Yes, some games have tipped off already.....

oh crap.....oh no......

I don't think many of you knew what was going on. As you know, I love complex, under the radar sports pools. Anyone can participate in an NCAA tournament pool, but it takes a special kind of degenerate to play in (and lead) an NIT pool. That's one example. Another example is thefabulous suicide pool that Wiz got me in this year. I lasted until the Friday of the Sweet 16. Not bad!

Well, I was in a 10 day conference tournament pool this year. (I think this was the second year that I was in it.). I found it from some one I followed on twitter. Starting on the Friday before the Vegas trip, you have to pick 1) conference tourney winners and then 2) winners for each game each day. It was $100 entry and there were about 120 people in it. Not bad!

I got off to a good start in this pool - for instance, I picked UNC-Wilmington to win the Colonial before it started; that's multiple bonus points. I put my picks in early Thursday morning - and I was in around 15th place. Not bad.

And as I sat on the toilet at TPC Summerlin, I realized - I forgot to put in my picks for the Friday games in this pool.

What's the big deal? Oh, just that Friday is the day with the 2nd most amount of games. The deadline was 11:40 eastern - 8:40 pacific - and we were 30 minutes past that. I would get a 0 for the day.

Well, that's $100 wasted. I wonder what place I was in after Thursday? I checked....that was a mistake. Somehow, I was in 2nd place in the pool going into today. And I forgot my picks.

That's when I started to feel nauseous. How did you forget? That's like $2000-3000 you had a chance at...you idiot. I emerged from the bathroom with an ashen face, and I think it seriously took me 3-4 holes (and a Rum and OJ, thanks to Gavin) to snap me out of it.

Would I have won the pool? I didn't do the math on it...I don't think I hit any of the conference tournament winners on the weekend (I had Miami for the ACC, Purdue for the Big 10, etc), so I probably would not have won. But......

Anyway - back to the golf. The golf was horrible. I had no swing - and people know what game I have when I have no swing. (Answer - none). I made a tremendous par from one hole by hitting it so far left I was talking to the landscapers from a neighboring house. We saw Sheldon Anderson's mansion - it was huge.

The round took some time; I think we played in over 5 hours. I sent Layup (again, he stayed back for work reasons) a text about the state of my game: "Help! Send golf balls".

Layup immediately responded with his situation: "Help! Send Markers!".

(Oh - sports betting out there? I had Cincinnati over UConn in the AAC quarters; Cinci hit a 3 with 00.8 seconds left in triple OT to win by 3! Right? Wasn't that the final score? )

 We didn't get back to the Mirage until 4:30 or so....( I can't believe we ended up being gone that long). Along the way - Layup sent some more cryptic texts about some strange happenings in the craps pit - along with a picture of a cheeseburger playing craps....(yes, you read that right). Upon arrival back at the Mirage, we had to check this out.

There was something strange going on at the craps pit. All the tables were open - which was strange for a Friday afternoon - but half of them were reserved. There was a big whiteboard by one of the tables titled "Tour De Craps XIV", with several names on it -like a big scoreboard. The felt on the tables were even changed; the three reserved tables had a "Tour De Craps XIV" logo on it.

There were about 4-5 players on the tables; some were normally dressed, but one was dressed in the Mayor McCheese outfit. (I never saw him actually roll, so not sure how he could physically roll with his face being a 3' long hamburger). One person - I think - was dressed up as Captain Morgan. There was one regular guy with a huge notebook taking notes and recording the rolls - seemed like a "statistician".

It was clear this was a private gathering. The tables were roped off and no one else could play; they had the tables in the back (that were against the wall near the cashier) so there was very little foot traffic in that area. But I was fascinated. What kind of play did they need to have to do this? And their own special felt? I glanced at the table at the amounts that were being wagered - there were greens and blacks, but nothing out of the ordinary.

(I did a quick google search to see if I could get any more information on this - this is the only thing I could find - a video from Tour de Craps IV. I do recognize the "King" hat, so this has to be the group.)

Dinner was at BLT that night - lot of talk about who would be the worst team in baseball this year - the Padres or the A's. Also, there was disagreement on whether the Orioles would be for real this year again or slink back to mediocrity .....I can't remember who was arguing what, or what the wagers were.....hope someone wrote those down).

Gambling that night was low-key; I did lose a side bet to Layup when betting my favorite coach - Jim Larranaga - vs. Virginia. Jim let me down this year , failing to cover vs. Va Tech earlier in the trip. I do note that Leland hit an "all small" for me during the night - my first one of the trip; I think he hit the 2 as the last low number for me to win the 35-1 side bet. Thanks!   I also have a 3 hour Pai Gow session - don't think it was with our friend John the dealer - and I lost a total of $25 for that session. Not bad for a Friday night.

The night ended with all of us exhausted and at -where else? - the UTH table. I think Ruth was the dealer. Only 3 of us were playing and the other 3-4 people were leaning on the back of the chairs watching. I got to the table late and sat down with Wiz and Layup; they were talking about a lady that was sitting their earlier. She must have made a bad impression, critiquing Wiz and Layup and (I think) was a chain smoker. Layup summed this players attitude succinctly:
"Not only does she play bad, she's a bad person as well".

That was an apt end for the night, as we all crashed around 12 - 1.

Vegas 2016, Part 2

Thursday, March 10

Got up - without the alarm, of course - at 3:30 am. Already had a couple of picks come in for the parlays on the phone overnight. First stop in the morning, of course, is UTH. There's not much better than 3rd shift gambling at a table by yourself, drinking Bailey's and coffee with OJ on the side. I think I was there for a good 90 minutes along from 4-5:30 gambling before anyone came down.

(by the way - around 5:30 there were reports that Don broke his glasses at the UTH table. it may have been from the night before, or early in the morning. A clear second place (to Micah) on household accidents that occur at the tables while gambling....)

Around 6:00, Layup came down (and others) and talked me into a baccarat session. Now, for a bit of honesty......Baccarat in the Salon is nice, leisurely, and fun....if you have the stakes to play. The $100 minimum in the salon for baccarat is steep; however, when I was an ex-pat, I had the bankroll to be able to have a few of those session. Now that I'm back in the US and having all sorts of expenses.....well, the Vegas budget dipped a little and I'm not sure how many of those Baccarat sessions I can afford. So I was a more hesitant than normal in the salon sessions.

Layup and I played for about 30 minutes (tops); I think maybe Mike A or Don or Wiz joined us for a bit. I had fun with my gyrations and playing each hand in about 1 minute, 30 seconds. The key hand came as the cards were going back and forth from banker to player; I usually bet banker but will zig zag when I have the feeling. Anyway, it was going back and forth and the banker just won the last hand....I picked banker on that hand and as the winner, made the choice for the next hand....I switched to player.

As Julia Roberts said: "Mistake. Big Mistake. Huge!" Banker went on a run of 6 winners in a row and - seeing all those profits go up in smoke - I couldn't stand it anymore and we left.

After breakfast at the buffet - it was Southern Highlands day! Best course in Nevada, bar none. (I know I say that every year). Everyone joined except for Layup - who got stuck with a work call and had to stay back. ( I think we can use the Julia image for that choice, too).

We had a team game; I think it was Mike A, Mike D and I vs Wiz, Don and Leland in a 2 best ball net match. (Is this correct???) Golf for me was mediocre; the low point was losing 3 balls on #3 and posting an X; I posted a Y on #6. I found the swing after that and played decent the rest of the way...somehow we won the front (thanks, Mikes) but lost the back and total.

Of course, during the game, the early games for the parlays were going on; Southern Highland has been the location of many b-ball gambling moments in past trips, such as the Syracuse- NC Asheville 1-16 near upset and the Charlotte/Davidson "4 techs in the last 10 seconds" for a miracle cover.  Nothing too dramatic this year, I had the early pick and had a lock. UAB - the #1 seed in C-USA - was playing the tourney at home and had a first round game against #8 seed Western Kentucky. The line was only 8! It's a lock! When is the last time the host team lost a first round game in a conference tournament?

I'm sure you can guess the result. 

Thank God Butler lost their game on Thursday - or else dinner would have been on me.

However, won one side bet with Wiz on another game - forcing him to sign my book - so that helped the gambling mood a bit.

Checking in with Layup, we heard various reports. Back at the Mirage, when he was supposedly working, Layup was:
1. playing roulette (always a bad sign)
2. playing blackjack on the main floor (which is a sign of insanity for him)
3. Playing craps with a down's syndrome kid.

Wait, what?

As we got back and gambled before dinner, Layup tried to explain to us that there is a Down's syndrome savant in the Mirage playing craps. He is a fierce,concentrated roller and is intense in yelling at the dice as they are rolled, He has a partner that assists in the actual placing of the bets across the table. Layup said that this kid was "hot", hit 3 or 4 points while Layup was there and made all sorts of money for the table. We weren't sure whether to believe him or not, but we had our eyes peeled.

Dinner that night was at Wiz's Italian place at Paris; apart from the fact that it was pitch black in there, the food was actually kind of good. (Jim Larranaga let me down in side bets with Layup, Wiz and Leland). We headed back to the Mirage, all headed our separate ways for a bit to get ready for the night session. I came downstairs first and....there he was! At the craps table! The Down's kid!

I alerted everyone in the group. "He is here! Repeat....He is here!"

Soon, the table was filled; Mike D and I were together at one end of the table with the Down's kid at the other end; Wiz and Layup were on the other end on the rail. Soon, other characters joined the action, even though it was a cold table.

A couple joined Wiz and Layup - can't remember the guy; the lady was about 25, wearing all black and weighed no more than 95 pounds and was about 4'11". The first word that came to my mind about her was "malnourished". He tried to teach her the basics of the game, but she just looked so utterly lost.

One explanation - believed by some in our group- was that she was one of those girls that escaped from the basement in that Cleveland house and is experiencing outside life for the first time. This is the first time she may have seen natural lighting in years! Does she need help? Should we call the police? " If you need help, roll a hard 6" was the text of the night.

Separately, a granola-like girl came up between Mike D and I; she probably had Birkenstocks on. We were setting lines on her native state (Vermont? Oregon? connecticut?) but she left before we were able to ask her.

Of course, while all this was going on, we lost track of that fact that no one on the damn table could roll - not even the Down's syndrome patient - and we all got our asses handed to us.

Many of us took a timeout to play Pai Gow; a few hours later, Leland and I found ourselves at a craps table (on opposite sides of the table, our customary location), and the table started to heat up. Points left and right; Leland rolled extremely well and was a "2" away from the all small; I hit some points, even though an idiot next to Leland kept reaching in late and I hit him twice in the arm with the dice.

While I was rolling, Mike D came up and was asking how things were going; I promptly gave him a two-handed shove that sent him backward 5 feet. He got the message. (I apologized later).

One more UTH session was in store - was that with Ruth? - and it was a winner..I think the day ended around 1:30 or 2:00.......when we went to bed at that moment, Johnny Manziel was still a member of the Cleveland Browns and Mayor McCheese was simply a fictional character from McDonald's commercials......

Vegas 2016, Part 1

Wednesday, March 9

The alarm went off at around 3:15 am in Cincinnati for the official start of the 2016 Vegas trip. Actually, the official trip started the night before, with Wiz and Layup getting there Tuesday night - they tried unsuccessfully to get any of us to join them on Tuesday. I picked up Don at the ungodly hour of 4:15 and made our way to the airport; 8 hours later we landed in Las Vegas. That's when we met up with the taxi driver from hell.

First round of golf in Vegas was just Don and I at an old favorite, Royal Links. Had the course to ourselves, and played in about 3 1/2. Of course, had a breakfast burrito which helped me shoot a cool 78 and beat Don outright. (It included back to back birdies on the front). That was the highlight of golf for the trip. The sports betting highlight also occurred that day; one of my big picks was Utah St in the 8-9 MWC first round against a fading Wyoming team. The Aggies were giving 2; 10 minutes into the game, it was 40-11 Utah St. Never a doubt as we got the first winner of the trip.

More taxi problems getting back; none of us had Uber, so we had the course call for a taxi - BIG mistake. 45 minute wait for the taxi, and we had plenty of traffic problems getting to the strip. I wanted to be back gambling by 3, but it turned out to be around 5 when I was finally checked in and ready to play.

First gambling? Of course - UTH! The UTH table is the first thing you see as you enter the casino from the atrium at the Mirage; Wiz, Layup and Dan the pit boss were there to greet us as we entered. The first UTH session was a bad one as we waited for the other 4 to arrive. I have it documented that we went over to the craps table as well before dinner - and that went horribly; we all got smoked and I didn't even get a chance to roll before getting wiped out.

By about 6, all of us had arrived; Mike D and Mike A from Cincinnati, and Leland from DC. First dinner of the trip is at Heritage as we all sit at the bar. Of course, we (Wiz, Layup and I) desperately search for something to wager on during dinner; we have the final ACC first round game between Va Tech and Florida State. Over under line is like 160; the under is a lock! These teams can't shoot!

The end result? I was in perfect midseason form with that pick. 

After dinner, all of us found an open UTH table and thus the trip fully began. The one issue with this trip; there are only 6 seats at UTH but 7 of us. Not sure who sat out for this first round. I went upstairs quickly after dinner and came back to UTH - maybe I was the one who was late and had to sit out- and I already found Layup and Wiz rolling their eyes.

Why? I guess there was a rookie pit boss who rarely handled markers. Soon after I got there, the pit boss came with the clipboard and had Layup sign the marker - and I heard grumbling like "did you get it right this time?" I looked down and all I can see are all sorts of crossed off names and numbers. This was the third time Layup had to sign something for a single marker.

Even after that, they did NOT get it right this time as the pit boss came back a fourth time for one last cleanup of the documents for the single marker.

The session - for me- went well; hit quad 3's on one hand that floated me for the night. After UTH, some of us (not sure who) played more craps; I was forced to be in a spot on the rail (I hate the rail) and promptly got shellacked. It was 11 pm Vegas time - I've been up for almost 24 hours; it was time for bed.

Two changes for this trip that were in effect on Wednesday:

1. The Mirage isn't giving out Fiji to just anyone anymore! Apparently, you have to have the platinum card in order to get the Fiji bottle water. If you have just gold - too bad! House water for you! This rule was certainly put in place to make snobs like Layup and Wiz feel superior...... I just with the house water would be in bigger bottles; the give out the house water now in 4 oz bottles that you can drink in a single gulp.

2. Parlay changes! Since some of the group loves money line picks for games, we went to a two tiered system for the daily parlay for the group. The original pick with the line is still there, with the cost reduced to $10 a man; we set up a second parlay with just money line picks (up to -300) for $20 each. Theoretically, the second one should be easier to hit and we would have more people being stuck with dinner bills as parlay tickets for the money line picks would go 6-1. Not sure if the group liked the change; mostly it worked well getting everyone bets in on time.

Hi! Welcome to Vegas 2016!

Hi! How are you guys doing? Hop in the taxi. Where can I take you? Royal Links? Sure, I know where that is.

Where are you guys from? Ohio, huh? I'm from the Midwest. Chicago. Well, actually, I was  born there. Been out here now for 22 years. Taxi driver for all of them. Love my job! It's so interesting, and I get to meet a wide variety of people.

Do you want to hear some stories? Great! People ask me what was one of the weirdest rides I had. Hoo boy! That's a tough one! So many good ones. There was this one time when I was at - oh, where was it? The Riviera? Sands? Anyway, a older gentleman got in the car - real nice guy, turns out he was an executive for a company you have heard of. You know tires? Yeah! This guy was the chairman of Dunlop Tires! He was eccentric. Talked a lot - we had a great time! - and during the trip, he asked to pull into a liquor store. Now, here's a 60 year old guy! What does he want in a liquor store?

Then he asked ME what I like! Well heck, I wasn't going to ask for just beer...I told him I like to imbibe in a little vodka now and then....well, he goes into the store and comes out with two plastic bags full of bottles.

He gives a whole bag to me! And there were good bottles in there- like Smirnoff! I said to him, "well, what is this for?" He enjoyed my company so much, he wanted to share this with me !
Well, golly, I had to call my wife right then!. "Honey, you won't believe this, but we are going drinking tonight! No, we aren't going out! That's the craziest thing! We're drinking in!" The executive got on the phone and talked to my wife as well - that was one crazy ride. I think he died 5 years ago or something.

Celebrities? You're asking about what famous celebrities I got to drive? Well, I'll tell you - this was in the 90s, One of the big heartthrobs from that day - Tom Selleck!  Oh my, he is my wife's favorite television star. Well, guess what! I was at the MGM one day, and guess who walks into my cab. Mr. Tom Selleck! I was cool, "hello, Mr. Selleck", but halfway through the route I had to ask him a favor.

"Mr. Selleck - can you call my wife and say hi? She loves you and this will make her week!"

And guess what? He did! He got on the phone - "Hi - is this Laura?" Laura didnt know what the heck was going on - but when Tom introdcued himself - hoo boy! Even I could hear the shrieks! Tom was on the phone with her for about 2 minutes - what a great sport! He hung up and he said to me - "I think I'll send you the bill for the hearing aid - your wife's cream may have caused me to lose hearing!" Ha ha, what a kidder, that Tom! He left and left a nice tip.

Oh! You may be wondering if there are celebrities that don't tip well. Glad you asked! I made a run this one time - I think from Mandalay - and had to pick up that guy from The Best Damn Sports Show. Have you  seen it? It was on Fox for a while ...oh yeah! John Salley! This big black guy, 6'9", gets into my cab, and introduced himself. Nice guy ! He just wanted a ride to the Caesars. We made a little small talk....we got there rather quickly, The bill was $8 - and he gives me a $10. Now, what am I supposed to do with that? I had to say something. "Hey Mr. Salley....we make our living on tips, you know!" He smiled and said keep the change. He's John Salley! I expected something more than a $2 tip!

One more story - oh, I should have brought this up earlier. I usually work the day shift - get in at 6, leave at 2 - what a great time of day to drive the cab. Not a lot of crazies then! But some mornings, you get some people coming in from the night before, you know what I mean? I start one day off at 6 in the  morning - bright sunshine - and then these 3 girls get in the cab. They can't be more than 25 years old!

Well, they may have had too much to drink, I tihnk - and then they start getting chummy with me. Do you like the way we look, stuff like that. I had to tell them I'm married!

But then all of a sudden one of them asks me if she should get a boob job. A boob job! Now, my eyes are on the road, so I can't - you know - study the assets! Ha! But then she - right there in the cab! - opens her shirt and shows me her breast. "Do you think I need a boob job?"

Now, I'm so embarassed I can't speak! I tell her I don't think so - it looks good to me! We all have a good laugh at that one. They tipped nicely, and boy, did I have a good story to tell the wife when I got home that day!

Well, here we are at Royal Links. You two have fun golfing! I hope to have you in my cab sometime soon on this trip!



And that, my friends, is how the Vegas 2016 trip got started for Don and myself.  I knew we were in for a peculiar trip after that opening cab ride.....