The only article you need to read...

...about the 2008 election.

If this article doesn't propel you to vote for McCain, then nothing - and I mean nothing - will.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1819898-1,00.html

Dammit, I wish I was one of McCain's aides....

Breaking news from P&G

I can't wait to see the comments on this blog about this story:

Gillette adds Derek Jeter to Champions Program

I'll start: If Derek Jeter is added, then we should add C.C. Sabathia as well. They've won the same number of rings since Sabathia came into the league in 2001.

And I can't wait until Brady Quinn is added to the program!

Ah, college girlfriends...

So we got our "Case Alumni" magazine in the mail the other day. As I was browsing through it, there was a page in there for alumni to write about memories they have of their favrorite professor. One student wrote about a physics professor that I knew but never had, and I didn't give it much attention - until the end.

At the bottom, there was a request from the magazine for people to submit stories about specific professors. One of them was a Systems Engineering professor - my major - that I did not like and that Janice hated with a passion. The best way to describe him would be - hmmmm....... Mort Goldman from "Family Guy" crossed with the Comic Book Guy from "The Simpsons". Yes, that scary - and he actually wore spandex to class a few times.

Anyway, I thought it'd be fun to show Janice the article and ask her to submit a letter about this Systems professor. She reads the request, laughs, and then rads the original article about the physics professor.

"Why did you show this to me? You know who wrote this article, right?"

No, I didn't check to see who wrote it. I look at it again - it was my first girlfriend from the dorm - a two week fling that should not have happened. She was a band enthusiast - I know, I know - from Pittsburgh, of all places. Ugh. And all my friends (and most others in the dorm) gave her the name of "ButtCut" since her hair was parted in the middle and feathered high on both sides.

Wow - 1989 hair styles.

It was a rebound relationship, after my high school girlfriend didn't talk to me for the 2-3 weeks before I left Sacramento for Cleveland. And something that all the people who knew me freshman year still make fun of me for.

Here we go again

The Cincinnati Met is tomorrow - 200+ golfers playing 36 holes over Monday and Tuesaday to get down to a final 64, where they are then seeded for Match Play.

For the first time this year, I think I actually have some clue where the ball may be going off the club. Three thoughts:

- stand closer to the ball

- compact backswing

- and swing through the ball

A tune from "Swing Out Sister" always helps me remember this swing thought - say, "Breakout":

Don't stop to ask

Now you've found a break to make at last

You've got to find a way

Say what you want to say

Breakout....

Anyway - the courses we are playing:

The Ridge Club - 6450 yds, par 70; Terrace Park, 6800 , par 72.

Don, myself and the Good Doctor (Dr. Todd) are all in the field as we start tomorrow. The early lines:

Don vs Eric:

Don -0.5

Eric

Over/under:

Eric: over/under 161.5

Don: over/under 161

Random notes and golf update

Well, tomorrow is the annual rite, the 36 hole US Publinx Qualifier. This year, Don and I are trying our luck in Middletown at the Weatherwax golf course. Don's tee time is 8:30; mine is at 9:00. Going with tradition, Don has secured a teenage boy for me to be my caddy. I wouldn't have it any other way!

I was reading some of the old posts and came across the summary of the 2006 qualifier here. Forgot about this post and the stories from Don/Kermit in the comments.

Lines for tomorrow:

36 hole total:
Eric
Don -2.5

Over/under
Eric:
over 161.5 -110
under 161.5 -110

Don:
over 158.5 -110
under 158.5 -110

Post your betting choices before we get back at 8 pm tomorrow.

Random notes:

- Why does Annika, Charles Howell, and Chi Chi get to drive a Lexus, but Raymond has someone to drive him?
- If someone filmed me running from the backside, I'm sure I'd look like Raymond in the commercial.
- Johnny Miller can not read greens. He misread the 18th green at least 4 separate times over the weekend during the telecast.

- How to make a craps table hot? Well, the hillbilly I played craps with on Friday night told me this simple rule. Place an $11 bet on the "Big 8" on the comeout! And sure enough, once he did that, the table got hot for 90 minutes. A couple of caveats:
First, the bet needs to be placed so that the chips are perfectly on the top circle of the "8". Also, if it is after midnight, then you move the Big 8 bet to the Big 6.

As Billy Dee Williams would say, "works every time!"

A Public Service Announcement

Regular blogging will resume shortly, like how a hillbilly taught me how to make a craps table become hot (hint - it involves putting money on the best that is, by far, the least popular).

But first, some pictures from the flooding in Iowa City/Coralville. Many of you know that I worked in Iowa City and lived in Coralville from 2004 to early 2006. These pictures are kind of amazing - and are only about 3 miles from our old house.

The first picture above is an aerial shot of the main intersection in Coralville. You can see the tree lined strees intersecting right about in the middle of the picture. The circles you see just below and to the right of that intersection is the University of Iowa softball fields - the actual circles you see are the outfield fences. You can barely make out a water tower in the upper left part of the picture - our house was about 1 mile from that tower.

At the bottom left, you can also see the #13 green(s) of the University golf course. This is where I lost my 2005 Ryder Cup match, 6 and 5 - but the Iowa City team won the overall matches, 14 1/2 to 13 1/2. Those are not supposed to be island greens.

The second picture is a close up of the main intersection. Sorry, no Hardee's burgers for a while.

The last picture is one of the buildings affected - where I got my hair cut consistently for 2 years. Dave was a typical barber - 60 years old, and full of stories - and actually gave Freddie a pocket coin holder with a Hawkeye logo when he came in. He still has it.

The flooding, obviously, will take a while to recover from. If you see any appeals for donations for flood relief in the area, I ask that you consider donating to the relief effort.

US Open

Please....please Mr. Ogilvy. I beg you. Please don't let us down this weekend. After last Sunday with the evil fucking Tim Clark triple boging the first hole and then going on to shot a 76 and totalling screwing us I.....sorry, where was I. Oh, so we are in 8th place and need to move up and make sure that the mean ole Wiz doesn't catch us. He's an asshole that constantly tries to put the reverse gooch on my brother and I. If you can win or even come in second after Tiger, I would be forever grateful. Thank you.

Is that you corky?

So I was talking with Dick the other day and he was out in Vegas. He was staying at the Golden Nugget and after his afternoon meetings, he decided to go and play some BJ. He said that he found a $10 table with one lady sitting at third base. Dick sat down at 1st base, exchanged 200 and was immediately dealt Black Jack. As Dick collected his money, he noticed that the dealer was explaining to the lady on what to do. "OK, so you don't want to hit since you have 17 and I have a 4 showing." Dick didn't think anything was wrong with this until he looked up at the lady and realized that there was something different about her. The women had down- syndrome, or as Dick said, a mongoloid. Dick was in shock. He first asked the dealer if it was legal, and the dealer didn't understand what Dick's problem was. Then Dick asked to color up and left the table.

I have to agree with Dick. How is this legal? Basically the dealer is having to play the ladies hand for her since she has no idea what is going on? Any thoughts on this?

Finals

Seriously, would anyone like to wager against Bennet Salvatore or Joey Crawford or Leon Wood officiating tonights game 3 in LA???? Vegas wouldn't even offer a line on that.

I freely admit that the Celts got buckets of home cooking in the last game. Leon Powe turned into Karl Malone in his prime and was drawing fouls at an incredible rate. Meanwhile some guy named Kobe drove the lane multiple times and didn't get anything. There were also a couple of plays were Garnett could have been called for fouls contesting shots inside, but they let it go. Overall, I thought game 1 was the best officiated game I have seen in the playoffs. Unfortunately, game 2 was more what we come to expect in the NBA.

I bet three Celtic starters will be on the bench with two fouls by the 8:00 in the 2nd Quarter. Kobe will go to the line at least 16 times and the Lakers will win big. Still I say Celtics in 6.

Saturday Ramblings

Wow what a day.

• So this morning I recommend to Eric that we need to get involved in the opening rounds of the Euro Cup, and when I say "get involved" I mean wagering. So Eric and I take the Czech Republic against the Swiss and I end up watching the entire match. First off, I love the announcers. Nothing in particular other than their accents. Secondly, I could really get into wagering on these games. It was so intense for most of the game. When the Czechs scored late in the second half I ran around my living room and kitchen just yelling "GOOOOOOAAAL" with Carol watching in shock. Then I was in the fetal position on the couch till the end as there were two missed hand ball calls in the penalty box for the Swiss that was not called. The bad part of it all was the text I got just minutes ago from Eric "How about the over in the Austria-Croatia match and a draw in the Germany Poland match." Ladies and Gentleman, I think we have found the missing link in sports gambling to hold us over until the NFL.
• Second gambling comment- PGA Golf pools. Greatest...THING...EVER!!!! So Wiz got Eric and I involved in a PGA Golf pool where we have to pick a single golfer to win each event and you can't use the same guy twice. At the beginning I wasn't too into it, but it has been building week by week and now it has taken over my life. So on Monday-Wednesday, Eric and I discuss what golfer to take in detail and then Thursday-Sunday I'm watching as much golf as possible. I either watched or followed 100% Tim Clarks rounds this week.
• Who would of thought that the Dodgers-Czech Republic-Tim Clark-Da'Tara parlay would of been the lock. And oh yeah I would of done it if I could have.
• Speaking of Da'Tara, please call Eric to give him a hard time in talking me out of wagering on Da'Tara to win. We ended up wagering him to show so it wasn't a total loss, but it could of been better.
• And finally Tim Clark and Steven Ames. Thank you for your hardwork today. Let's hope it pays off. Oh, and F you Wiz. Nice try on the reverse gooch.
• It was a very nice gambling day today.
• Note to the readers- Eating a fish burrito at 9:0pm the night before and backing it up with two bowls of Fiber One (55% of your fiber intake per serving) the next morning is not recommended. I read most of my magazines and then had to dip into Carol's Us Weekly, an old People, and even a Women's Fitness to cover the amount of downtime I had to take in the bathroom this morning. And Women's Fitness was very interesting. They did a shampoo ranking and P&G shit didn't make the list. I'll post it if anyone wants to see what it said.
• Went and looked at houses in Long Beach today. Nothing like $700 per square foot for homes in shitty neighborhoods. The housing market is hitting California pretty bad but not near LA. We viewed a 1400 square foot home that was built in the 1930's that only had the kitchen redone and it was just reduced to $1 million. What a bargain.
• Just want to say that I'm a little sad that Greg on the Real World has been sent home. He is now on the level of Spencer for the biggest dick on TV that I actually like. And by the way, this Real World has been amazing. If any of you liked the Real World before and stopped watching it because you were getting too old, please watch this season. Just amazing.

Hubie Brown picks the VPs

Editor's note: Hubie Brown will be our guest columnist for tonight, as he gives advice to both parties on who the Vice Presidential choice should be.

OK, You're Barack Obama. You've got a rift with the Clintons, with women and with blue collar Democrats. You've got 3 choices that make sense for you.

Third on the list for you is a governor of a key state that was a key supporter of Clinton's frm way back. You can't win without this state. This guy has the blue collar persona that you need to win the Reagan Democrat vote. This guy probably was a Reagan Democrat before joining the Clinton team in 1992. Ed Rendell (Governor of PA) would be an excellent choice.

But you could do even one better. The 6th Congressional district in Ohio is true Appalachia. When this person represented the district, the 6th ran from the Eastern Cincinnati suburbs all the way up the Ohio river, past Chillicothe, Portsmouth, Athens and up to the west side of Wheeling. This district, 97% white and a very low income, was won by this person in 1992, lost in 1994 in the Gingrich revolution, but then won the district back in 1996 and continued for four more terms. This person has effectively won these white blue-collar voters, the voters that go for Hillary at an 80% rate and voters you have to carry to win Ohio and, in effect, win the Presidency.

Barack,where is this guy now? He's only the newly elected governor of Ohio. Ted Strickland, the former 6th district congressman, is now the governor and ran Hillary's campaign in Ohio. He could possibly swing Ohio for you.

But Barack, those two candidates don't have the foreign policy experience that you are lacking. The perfect candidate would have governmental experience - maybe be in Washington for 20 or so years - and share your anti-war values. You also have some ground to make up with women. You have GOT to get them back in your good graces after the divisive primary.

You may be asking - if I need a woman on my ticket with plenty of experience, and it's not Hillary, then who could it be? Well, there is such a woman. This woman could bring additional passion and fire to your campaign. Also, she's represented most of the readers on this blog over the last 20 years.

If you truly want to get the feminists back in your tent, and also add experience to your ticket, you should nominate Barbara Mikulski (Senator, MD) as your VP.

Now, you're John McCain. First thing you have to realize is that the current Republican brand is crap. You cannot pick someone that has associations to the current version of the Republican party. So people currently associated with Bush or are seen as establishment Republicans are off limits.

You also realize that diversity is key. You see the split in the Democrats and see an opening - is there a way to capture some of the female vote? There is a senator that can do just that - a Senator with a moderate, bipartisan voting record that shares your enviornmentalist concerns. Picking Olympia Snowe (Sen, ME) would show you are serious about your bipartisan plans.

One problem is that Olympia is currently in Congress, and can easily be tied to Bush. You realize that you also need to carry the conservatives, your base, in order to have any hope of winning. You need to realize that the most popular Republican out there right now among the base is not Bush, Cheney, or any one currently in office - but Newt Gingrich. He had the ideas and the vision in the 90s and epitomized what the conservative movement stood for. Now, you think that a McCain-Gingrich ticket may not work - and I think you are right. But you need to pick someone from that era that has not been sullied by the unpopulairty of the Bush administration.

One bold pick would be J.C. Watts (ex-Republican representative from Oklahoma). He was in a ledership position in Newt's congress before he retired from public office in 2002. He would instantly show that you are serious about your conservative principles while emphasizing diversity.

However, you wonder how that would translate to votes in the fall - you probably can't peel any African-American votes away from Obama. What you are looking for, bluntly, is a woman that is associated with the 90's Republican Revolution but does not have ties to the current brand of Republicanism, and hopefully has some moderate viewpoints to appease Democrats and (most importantly) the media. Does this person exist? You bet she does. Christie Todd Whitman (the ex-Governor of New Jersey) was Governor in a blue state throughout the 1990's, and shares a passion for environmental concerns. She was Bush's EPA director from 2001-2003, but resigned after "having several public conflicts with the Bush administration". Another plus!

There you go. Obama-Mikulski vs. McCain-Whitman. That would be wonderful to see.

Travelers and golf

Sorry to all the insurance people out there, but I do like the new Travelers ad...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF3CXJZwGBw

How's the golf game, you ask? Well, I think I'm the short circus ringleader in the ad. So substitute "boat" for swing, have Layup be Mr. Travelers, and it sums up the state of my game right now.

Layup: "Where's your swing?"
Me: "There's no swing!"
Layup: "No swing?"
Me: "It will be back....(muttering)....es un disastro!"
Layup: "Well, maybe you can fade the ball again?"
Me: "Fade it?"

To salvage the 2008 season, I need that God damn Red Umbrella IMMEDIATELY.

I better step on the tee no later than June 15th, hit the ball, and exclaim (like Mr. Circus in the ad): "There it is!"

(PS - so who is the ugly, shirtless circus sidekick in the ad? Is that Don? Or Kermit?)

Hello there!

It's has been a long while since I blogged - so here we go with some ramblings:

1) Had a great time on vacation this month at Disney and then the gulf coast (near Tampa / St. Pete). I know I will offend somebody here, but anyone who goes to Disney World with a 2 year old child or less is insane. Why? Our kids are 7 and 4, and I think the minimum age for a family to enjoy Disney is 4 - or maybe 3. Any younger than that - why go? The kid won't remember it, the kid will complain 80% of the day, and it's too hot/boring/tiring for them. We were there at 9:30 one morning - and saw one family (with a 1 and a 2 year old) just break down. The mother was yelling at her kids: "if you don't behave better, we'll go back to the hotel..." At 9:30! Must have been a long day.

2) At a Pizzeria UNO in Orlando, saw a man at a bar wearing a Browns hat and a Courtney Brown jersey. I was proud.

3) When in Tampa/St. Pete, we had a chance to go to a Devil Rays game. On a Friday night. I gotta tell you, it was weird.
First of all, maybe 15,000 were in attendance. We bought outfield seats but pretty much had 3 rows in a lower section between 1st and the right field foul pole all to ourselves. We got free parking - it was $10 for cars but if you had 4 people in the car, it was free! The stadium is in a terrible neighborhood in St Pete. Nothing but some industry and lower middle-class housing around there. It's like putting a stadium in Fairfield, OH, Euclid, OH, or Essex, MD. (and for those of you wondering, it was somewhat similar, but much less romantic, than the old Memorial Staidum neighborhood in Baltimore.)

I've never seen so many single men (aged 40-60) at a baseball game. It felt - honestly - like a horse track. Tons of middle aged men - divorcees? widowers? - taking in the game by themselves. Half had their scorebook keeping score.

The inside of the dome had no chemistry - it was like watching a game inside a Sam's Club. However, it was $1 hot dog night (and the Zahn family had 11) and it was the closest I have been to a no hitter yet. James Shields let up a hit in the 4th - and that was it. It was 0-0 going to the 9th, when the Rays hit a walkoff 2 run HR.

Leaving the game, I was impressed with the knowledge of those male fans. They were talking about pitch counts, at-bat strategies of the hitters, etc. (this drove Janice crazy - "we just saw the game! Why do they have to talk about it again??" - but I appreciated it.

Just - a weird but oddly fulfilling experience. It took us 20 minutes to get out of the parking lot - I can't imagine how it would be if they actually sold out.

4) I didn't realize how far Tampa and St Pete were from each other. Maybe that explained the lack of attendance. The Bucs and the Lightning play in Tampa - which is a good 30 minutes away from St Pete, where the Rays play. St Pete - from what we saw - is a depressing town. Tampa seemed much more....busier and livelier. That may explain many of the attendance problems for the Rays.

5) We're starting to get prepared for the new arrival .... went into the new IKEA here in West Chester to look at bunk beds. IKEAs are just....overwhelming. Wow.

6) Last weekend Don, Craig, Mike and I went up to Purdue to play the Kampen Course (a Pete Dye design) right before the NCAA Div I championship. Wow. What an experience.
Well, the experience was "enhanced" by plenty of drinking the night before at a favroite college bar of Don and Mike's......hoo boy, Long island Ice Teas have a lot of alcohol.

The course itself was a brutal 7450 yards, with a heavy penalty of missing the fairway (5 inches of rough, forcing a 9 iron or worse). With my driver not cooperating, and my head spinning as I kneeled down to read putts (and spinning again as I rose out of my crouch), I shot a respectable (?) 95. But it was a 44 on the back nine!

A few more quick thoughts:

7) What would the 1995 Indians' record be if they had this pitching? 130-14? My God, we are wasting our starting five's performances.

8) I have yet to find a flavor of Vitamin Water than I like. It's gross.

9) Freddie's baseball is going well - he's hitting the machine pretty good, and got a clean one-bouncer to the outfield yesterday. On Tuesday, it was too muddy for the machines so the coaches had to pitch - and our coach got him right on the wrist. Hoo boy. Someone on theblog immediately gave him teh nickname of Don Baylor.

10) Layup and I are taking suggestions for who to pick for the US Open in our golf pool. Can we depend on Tiger - or save him for later? We already picked Phil for the Colonial (in a master stroke of genius). Any other ideas? Harrington? Cink?

11) Don has reserved a Ryder Cup ticket for Saturday, Sept 20 down in Louisville. That is 8 days after our baby is expected to arrive. What are the odds that I will be attending the Ryder Cup? Early line is 50-1 against....

Vegas

I asked Carol a couple of months ago what she wanted for her birthday, and she said a trip to Vegas. So this past weekend we headed to Vegas. We headed out early on Satuday to beat the traffic. I love heading out Saturday morning instead of Friday night. Friday night you have to battle weekend traffic to get out of LA, arrive late that evening after an exhausting 6 hour drive, and then have to battle the long check in line. Ugh. Instead I leave at 7:00am on Saturday morning and get there around 11:00am, energized and ready to go for the entire day.

Stayed at the Mirage. I had some coupons to cover the room that weekend so decided to go back and check out the newly renovated rooms. Huge flat screen TV but still very small. I guess you can't really change the size of the rooms. Perfect for Carol and I, but a little too small for 4 guys. I guess I'm spoiled now after staying at the Palazzo in March.

Highlights from Saturday:
1. Sportsbook: Went 4-0 on sports wagering. Too bad the wagers were pretty small. Figures.
2. Palazzo: Went over to the Palazzo to play some craps. Um...wow. That's all I can say. The place was packed and the table limits were crazy high. Remember that this was on a Saturday afternoon, and there was one $15 craps table and the rest were $25 and $50. We could only find one $25 BJ table, the rest were $50-$500. All roulette tables were $25. What the heck happened since March? I was crushed.
3. Palazzo continued: So we went back to the Mirage to gamble and then returned to the Palazzo to have dinner. While at dinner we were amazed at how many women were walking by that were dressed like grade A prostitues. So after dinner, we went down to the 40-40 club just to people watch. We were camped out in the little sportsbook just outside of the 40-40 entrance and saw a gaggle of asian sluts walking our way. To my delight they stopped and asked Carol if she would take a picture for them, and for the first time ever I saw Carol with a totally pissed off and disgusted look on her face state "No, but maybe he will" as she pointed my way. Now, the one girl was only wearing a leopard print teddy, while one of the other girls wore jeans that were so low that her ass was sticking out of the top of the jeans and you could almost see the goods from the front side. Oh and that one was wearing a bra as a top. Crazy! Beyond words!!!
4. Oakland A's: On Saturday, I wore an A's shirt for the entire day. Just your basic A's shirt. And for some reason I got heckled multiple times. This was a first. Usually the only comments are "Hey you an A's fan"? This time I had a fat old lady eye ball me and say "Oakland? ugh" by which I had no response. Carol had a great response, but just a second too late. Then while walking from the Mirage over to Cesears, I was bum rushed by 5 white trash twenty five year olds who were obviously drunk. I thought I was going to get knifed. No joke. I almost yelled at Carol to run, that's how scared I was for 5 seconds as they were all running towards us. When they approached they were happy I was an A's fan and wanted to take my picture. So the six of us take a picture together. I was so confused. Note to self, don't go outside.
5. Rain: I always thought the worst smell ever was the stream of water running down Borbon Street during Mardi Graw. Nope. By far the worse smell ever was the steady stream of raw sewage running down Las Vegas Blvd after it rained for about 2 hours. The smell made my eyes water. Note to self, don't ever go outside.
6. Ultimate World Series of Poker: Is it a pre-requsite that you have to be a blabber mouth if you want to be a dealer of this game? GOD, everyone just shut up and deal the cards. I don't care about what your neighbors' kids did to their bikes in front of you house the other day. I just want you to flip over you hold cards. PLEASE!!! I know that you are 75 years old and have no one to talk to, but please just deal. And no, this was not the same dealer that Eric and I had back in March. More on him in a second.
7. Crowds- It seemed very packed on Saturday, but talking to one of the BJ pit bosses, he said that it is very slow at the tables. It looks like a lot of people, but no one is gambling. So much so that the Mirage's table limits stayed in the $10-$15 range. Pai Gow was at $25 in the evening, but whenever Carol and I wanted to play blackjack, there was an open $15 table. And they weren't the shuffle machines.
8. Crowds continued: The pit boss continued to state that they are getting a very large influx of Europeans and Asians now that the dollar is weak. They are also seeing a constant flow of 20 year olds, which makes many of the dealers upset because they tend to be drunk, but the pit boss stated that if it was specifically for the California 20 year olds, then the casinos would be dead right now. Then we talked for a while about how do these kids have $1000 to spend in the clubs. Very interesting conversation.
9. Pete Rose was signing autographs at Caesars. Hmmm, is that really a good idea?
10. Carol is the cooler when it comes to the wheel. Poor girl didn't get one spin the entire weekend. I kept on putting in money in the machine after she would play I almost always got a spin right after. It was pretty classic.

Sunday highlights
1. Mirage Craps- Woke up early to play some craps by myself. As usually the dealers sucked ass and I lost. Other than craps and the fact that there really isn't any place to grab a quick bit to eat, I really warming up to the Mirage again. Great sportsbook, great dealers, and the Beatles event is great for people watching.
2. Meza Grill: Went to Meza Grill for Brunch. No too bad. I think we need to try it out next year. We then went for a nice walk up the strip. Below are some comments on the casinos that we stopped in.
3. Caesars: So they now have a new pit called the Pussy Cat Club pit. They have about 10 BJ tables and some other games. Each dealer is a hot girl wearing a bikini. There are two stripper cages in the pit that have girls dancing. Very interesting. Table limits were $25-$50 and not a seat or a women player to be found. Very smart move!
4. Monte Carlo: I really like playing $5 craps at the Monte. The dealers are solid and the lighting is great. Carol and I had a great roll there, but then got killed at BJ. We had King Gooch as our BJ dealer. I wanted to punch him. This asshole kept on saying "there is no way that there still a ten" and then he flips a ten to give himself 21. He did this almost every hand and he won. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. New York New York- Wiz, what the hell is happening there? Half the casino is under major construction. We ended up just leaving and going to the Mandalay.
6. Mandalay Bay- Got pooped on by a bird, so had to get a new shirt. Great. Fuck this place. No gambling.
7. Shark Reef: Carol and I ended up taking a break and checking this place out. Sucked. Couldn't of been more disappointed.
8. Luxor- This place has totally changed since I was last there. Too dark and blue. And not blue as in sad, but blue as in the color. Very strange. No gambling here.
9. Is there a scarier place in Vegas than the area between the MGM and Planet Hollywood? We saw a large M&M standing outside getting his picture taken with two security guards by his side. Really? Is it that dangerous that the poor yellow M&M needs security? After Smith and Wolenskys it felt like I was in East LA. Wow.
10. Planet Hollywood- They have this BJ pit called "The Pleasure Pit" with strippers dancing behind the tables and girls in bikinis dealing. Once again it was all men and it was packed. So the question becomes, how hard is it to get 20 hot girls that are willing to dress in bikinis and are smart enough to deal BJ? Do they get paid more than the other dealers? Some get HR on the line.
11. Saw Jaws from the Bond Movies. I can't remember his name, but he was signing autographs in the mall section of Planet Hollywood. Sort of felt bad for him.
12. Ended up going back to the Mirage, canceling dinner over at the Venetian and playing Ultimate Poker right outside of the Revolutions club. It was just Carol, a guy from Encino, and myself and we had an amazing time. Carol started to get drunk and we were all just watching the sluts coming and going to the club. At certain points it was us three, plus the dealer, plus the pit boss, and the floor supervisor just laughing and making comments on the women standing outside of the club. Then out of nowhere, Shaq shows up. Now this is the second time I've seen Shaq and he is always smiling and waving and giving high fives. This guy absolutely loves his life. He was just walking around with a bunch of security, a couple of groupies, and some of his entourage. I got a wave and a head nod out of him. Then he vanished. Just like that....
13. Pai Gow- So Carol and I played a lot of Pai Gow at the Mirage. Once again we had a great table. We were playing with a 40 year old Korean brother and sister combo who had lots of money. Once they realized that Carol was a newbie, the brother kept on doing side bets on her hand. Carol made us and them a lot of money.
14. Pai Gow continued- Carol finds it funny that I talk to the cards...one by one. "OK ten, find your match. Where are you....AHHHH there you are." I think I annoy everyone else at the table since I really do just look at one card at a time and I'm always the last person to put my cards down. But that's how I like it so everyone else can F off.
15. Sportsbook- 5-0 again and I hit a parlay. So for the trip I ended up 9-0.
16. All in all a great evening. We were down to our last $100 and worked all the way back up to even!!!

Monday Highlights
1. Ugh. While waiting for Carol to get out of the bathroom in the casino I lost a quick $200 at Ultimate Poker. And this is when the idiot dealer that Eric loves was there. He made so many mistakes that the pit boss just stood over his shoulder for the remainder of his session. He cleared cards three different times on the guy next to me when he should of paid. He paid me once when it should of been a loss. The guys upstairs must of been going crazy.
2. Ugh. Lost another $200 at Pai Gow.
3. Ugh. Lost another $400 at Ultimate Poker. Carol got destroyed. She lost two monster hands that took the wind out of our sails.
4. It took 6 hours to get home. Brutal. The traffic was so bad we stopped at Primm outlets and casino. The Primm casino is the home of the highest wheel payout ever at $10 million. Also they have a rule of

Overall, an excellent trip. We need to come up with an alternative place to stay next year since the Palazzo was crazy expensive.

It's Golf Update Time

Yes, it's time for boring posts on the blog updating all of you readers about the tournament season. We've got 8 tournaments planned this year, starting next Tuesday.

The quick rundown:
1. Ohio Amateur Qualifier (Tuesday): Incredibly, I am paired up again with everyone's favorite Cincinnati Red, Chris Sabo. Will Sabo and his goggles bring our hero luck and a spot in the 103rd Ohio Amateur?
2. US Publinx Qualifier (June 18): 36 holes in one day at a course I don't particularly like.
3. Cincinnati Met (June 23-24): Can I please play well for 2 days in this event for once?
4. Vineyard Classic (June 28-29): Defending Champion of the 1st Flight!
5. Crooked Tree Club Championship (Late July): Defending my title.
6. Ohio Public Golfers Champ (Aug 4-8): A fun tournament, but this year at an actual challenging course - Cook's Creek.
7. Cinci Mid-Am (late August)
8. EAGL Cup (October), team event pitting courses against each other.

I've got no expectations this year. None. I still feel fairly rusty even though it's almost late May. The fact that we have had miserable weather that has limited my practice/playing time, combined with my vacation in early May (where I didn't touch clubs for 15 days) and the fact that I haven't broken 80 yet this year....well, I won't be surprised if I shoot 89 on Tuesday.

I've got a good warm up coming this weekend, as Don, Mike, Craig and I are playing a course called Purgatory in Indianapolis (from the back: 7700 yards, including a 741 yard par 5) and then on to the Purdue campus course on Saturday. Why Purdue? Well, next week it will be hosting the NCAA Division I tournament, and they have a limited amount of tee times for the course this Saturday - the last day for public play before practice rounds begin.

So we will be playing two extremely difficult courses this weekend with my game nowhere near where it needs to be.

However, if one wants to be extremely optimistic, there may be some parallels. 5 years ago I had little confidence going into the tournament season. I played a round in Green Bay a week before my first tournament and shot 87 or something at a track called Brown Deer. I played with my boss and a guy from the plant who played on the OL for the Badgers in college - he actually played in a Rose Bowl. Anyway, this ex-football player beat me on a few holes.

I hit balls after that debacle twice; I played a round that weekend as a warmup and shot 75.

Two days later, on May 19, 2003, I went out and did the unthinkable - shot a 69 in the US Open Local Qualifier to advance to the second round of qualifiying.
I still remember that round vividly - especially the last 6-7 holes.

Par 434 544 543 - 36 443 455 443 - 36 - 72
EZ 324 545 442 - 33 443 545 443 - 36 - 69

I remember the goose bumps on the 14th, where I had a 20 foot eagle putt to go to 4 under. I read the putt as a downhiller that would break about 6 inches to the right. I saw a spot about 5 feet from the hole on that line - and it would be a good starting point for the ball.
Steve was my caddy - he read it, and then we talked:
"I got the line for you....see that spot about 5 feet from the hole? That's it. It's downhill - all you gotta do is to hit the line".

I got chills right there - we agree on the line; I've been putting well all day......I'm going to eagle and then shit my pants.

I hit the putt......right after it left my putter, I knew it was in.

It hit the spot we both picked out....

and the ball did not move. It missed the hole by a good 5-6 inches. (Moral: again, when Eric and someone wholeheartedly agree on something, it must be wrong).

Two holes later, on an easy 370 yard par 4, I topped my drive and hit a 7 wood to 80 feet - and somehow 2 putted.

On 17 - I got to the green in 2 and left myself a 30 foot birdie putt - and had to ask Steve (twice?) where I was at in relation to par, since I wasn't sure whether to charge or lag the putt. I left the putt 3 feet short but somehow made the next one.

And then 18. Having an uphill 60 footer for birdie is not the ideal way to end the round, but I somehow 2 putted that, too.

That was 5 years ago this week. It seems like 20....

ESPN vs BSG

I know I'm a little late on this, but still an interesting article. And it looks as if he is starting up his own website. With that being said, his layout looks a little worse than the Hereford Nine site.

Now, I've become a huge fan of his podcasts so I hope he doesn't stop that, but I'm becoming less reliant on his articles on Page 2.

Easy Curves

While watching MTV this morning (Sunday at 10:00am) a commercial comes on advertising this wonderful product. First, what the F???? Secondly, what excellent ad placement.

Time-waster

For any of you out there mildly interested in politics, here is a link that will waste 10-15 minutes of your day.

Every presidential candidate's logo from 1960-2008.

Wow. I mean, who wasn't breathlessly anticipating the Bruce Babbitt-Pete DuPont showdown in 1988?

I still have my Perot '92 campaign button somewhere. I'll bring it to Vegas one of these years....

Election Thoughts

Back from vacation, and I've got a lot to blog about....but two quick things about last night's election:

1) Forget West Virginia. In a special congressional election in Mississippi (MS-01), the Republicans lost a seat to the Democrats. The incumbent Republican was appointed to fill Trent Lott's seat.

This district voted 60% for Bush in 2004 and reelected the Republican incumbent with over 60% in the last 4 congressional elections. And the Democrats won it last night.

2) This shocking exit poll result from West Virginia:

Obama only wins 53% of WV DEM PRIMARY VOTERS in a matchup with McCain.

This indicates major problems in the key appalachian states (Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia) that Obama must win.

It is not hard to imagine a scenario where:
- McCain is elected President on the strength of winning Florida, Ohio, PA, and the south (including TX), and
- McCain would have negative coattails - for instance, the Democrats gaining 40-50 seats in the House and 5-7 seats in the Senate.

These sort of special elections that occur 6-9 months before a Novmeber election usually do mean things. There were signs in 1994 (when the Republican revolution occurred) and 2006 (when the D's retook Congress). This loss in Mississippi does not bode well at all for the Republicans. The brand is shot - for many reasons. I will ponitificate on that in a future post.

Decisions

Fitting that this is the first post in over a week.

The other day I headed off to work at around 6:00am. I stopped at Starbucks to pick up a cup of coffee and then it hits me...The four pound burrito from last night is knocking at the door to leave for the day. So I postpone the order of coffee and go straight to the restroom. Now I typically have very nice things to say about Starbucks, but their restroom setup sucks. Without fail, someone always knocks on the door right as I go in, since they only have one bathroom. This causes me to rush and either I pee over myself or I don't fully enjoy my private time. And yes, I do understand that it is a public restroom, but that is usually the time I can catch up on my text messages and internet. Man I sound like a twelve year old.

So I go into the restroom and prepare the toilet for my adventure. I sit down and realize that there is a newspaper sitting next to the toilet. I thought for a solid 15 seconds on if I should pick it up and read it or just let it be. Below are the thoughts that ran through my head:

• Well it is the Sports page and from what I can see they have an interesting article about one of my fantasy baseball guys, Billsingley
• How dirty could the newspaper be?
• Can I catch the HIV by touching that?
• Doesn't look like there is any pee on it.

So I end up picking it up and reading it. I felt so dirty afterwards, but I feel like I made the right decision.