NFL Week 10

I'm gearing up for a huge game Sunday night - Browns trying to knock the Steelers off their perch, and maybe even squeeze back into the wild card race. Charlie Batch is the QB, no one is giving us a chance, our defense is playing surprisingly well...

Can the Browns win? Yes.

Will I predict it? Geez. My heart says yes - 20-17 Browns, but my head just doesn't see it. It will be close, given the fact the Pittsburgh will be limited a bit offensively, but I can't objectively say that our offense will solve Pittsburgh's, given our troubles in the red zone.

My 100% unbiased prediction: Pit 17, Cle 13. Argh.
My 100% biased prediction: Cle 20, Pit 17

On to the rest of the picks:

NYG 31, Min 14. The Giants are the quintessential home team. They will destroy mediocre competition at home.

Chi 23, SF 6. Why will the 9ers score more than 10 points?

Ari 24, Det 17. Just a feeling. Detroit is in a tailspin, and Arizona has enough talent to win a game like this on the road.

NE 27, Mia 16. I refuse to believe that the Pats will fall to 4-5 with a loss here.

Jax 20, Bal 10. Nope - don't see a win here for the Ravens.

KC 24, Buf 20. I can't believe Buffalo is favored. KC needs to win this game to keep pace in the west.

Ind 27, Hou 10. Indy will go back to its ball control ways.

Den 31, Oak 27. An old-fashioned Charlie Jones- Todd Christansen shoot out.

Car 24, NYJ 13. I was slightly impressed by the Jets' O last week; they will score some points in this game.

Sea 31, Stl 28. They always are involved in high-scoring games, aren't they?

Was 16, TB 10. Boy, Chris Simms is not the answer

Atl 27, GB 24. Green Bay will keep games close, but are one Brett Favre interception away from W's.

Phi 23, Dal 16. The Ewing theory?

Best bets: last week: 10-7-2; overall: 79-66-7
17 of them:

NYG -9.5
Chi -13.5
Az +4
NE -3
Jax -6.5
KC +2.5
Ind/Hou Under 45
Den/Oak Over 47
Stl +7
Sea/Stl Over 51
Was +1
Was/TB Under 33 1/2
GB +9.5
Atl/GB Over 42
Phi -3
2 college games:
Texas A&M +13
Wisconsin -2.5

Music

Is there any reliable place out there to get CDs? I usually use the Barnes and Noble internet site to order CDs, but when I want a CD now, I can never seem to find a place that has the selection that is acceptable to my standards, which isn't that high to begin with. I can only imagine what Jay, Curr, and Jon go through with Jon's obscure Dutch bands, Jay's old Blues and Rock bands, and Curr's need to own every U2 and Coldplay live album. I miss the days of CDepot back in college park where you could wander in and waste 45-60 minutes of your day looking through quality CDs, and always finding what you need. Now, I know what I want to buy, but I can't find it anywhere. Walmart and Target is a joke with Best Buy and Circuit City slightly ahead of the other two, but still severely lacking. Today it took me 4 stops to different stores to finally find the Keane album. Their song has been playing non-stop on XM, so I decided to give it a shot. Not too bad, but was it worth the two hours of traveling around to pick it up? Probably not.

Vegas

So Lee is harping me to guilt my brother and his friend into coming to Vegas during the first week of the NCAA tournament. Eric wants to join us, but his friend is worried about the crowds. Now I can't really argue that, since it is crowded, but when will it not be crowded in the spring in Vegas? Either you got March Madness or spring break going on and it is always a zoo. If everyone would just step up their game a little and play $10 craps and $25 blackjack, we wouldn't have this problem. But anyway here are the reasons why Eric and his friend needs to join us in Vegas;

• You promised. Two years ago, Lee and I were on the phone getting the confirmation from your wife that you could come out with us this year. You go back on that promise and I'll be forced to let some information slip the next time I talk to your wife.
  
• Golfing- We would possibly have the best group of gambling golfers put together in recent years.
  
• Craps Dream Team- We are missing Jay on this trip, but with Wiz, Lee, Kermit, you, and myself at the craps table, we could possibly own the entire gaming floor. Everyone would know us for that week due to my over tipping of dealers, your weird sayings that the pit bosses love, and Wiz/Lee handling the casino host. And Kermit would take care of the drink girls of course. And think of the statistical analysis you could do in seeing which is more profitable, place bets or the come line with two distinct think tanks (Lee/Wiz-place bets and you/I-come bets) coming together. I'm getting all excited just thinking about it. Ahhhhhhh!!!!
  
• Don't know if I will be able to make another trip out there. I'm going in two weeks. I'm then going back with Lee. Blondie is having his bachelor party in April. That's three trips. Not too sure if I can get back out there for a 4th trip.
  
• Sportsbook. Putting you and Wiz together, we could possibly set a record for most women's college basketball wagers. And if you two are doing this, I'm sure Lee and I would join in, resulting in the largest number of weird looks received by strangers as they are trying to figure out why we are all screaming during the end of the TCU-Utah St women's game.
• As stated before, it is crowded, but it is not a mob scene. If you increase your wages by just $5, the tables really do open up. And if we stay at the Mirage, you won't have all the college kids fucking up your blackjack shit.

So please come with Lee, Wiz, and I!!!!

Thanks to Laura for forwarding to me this morning. This article made my day!!!! In my prior posts I have complained about kids in Starbucks and the office running around, with the parents just ignoring them thinking that it is OK for them to behave like that. Well, cafe's, coffee houses, and others are now taking action. Good for them!!!!!

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/09/national/09bakery.html?8hpib

You have to register to read, but here are a couple of excerps from that column that made me smile:

• "Part of parenting skills is teaching kids they behave differently in a restaurant than they do on the playground,"
  
• Kim Cavitt recalled having coffee and a cookie one afternoon with her boisterous 2-year-old when "someone came over and said you just need to keep her quiet or you need to leave"
  
• "The looks I would get when I went in there made me so nervous that I would try to buy the food as fast as I could and get out," said Laura Brauer, 40, who has stopped visiting A Taste of Heaven with her two children. "I think that the mothers who allow their kids to run around and scream, that's wrong, but kids scream and there is nothing you can do about it. What are we supposed to do, not enjoy ourselves at a cafe?"
  

Um, exactly. You don't take your kids to other adult places because they can't act properly, but you think its OK to take them into a cafe which is catering to an adult crowd? You don't see adults reading books or working at a playground or at Chucky Cheese.

TO

Yesterday, after I wrote probably the best post of my life and then had my computer lock up and crash, I was crushed and not motivated to write anything for a while. But then late last night when I was watching Sportscenter and was blindsided by freaking Drew Rosenhaus acting like a guys best friend trying to persuade the ex-girlfriend to take his bud back after he got caught cheating on her. "Listen, he is a good guy, he apologized, and he is a good guy. I know he is a good guy and there are bunch of worse guys out there, and my guy is good." What the fuck was that all about??? First I thought it was another fake event like these Steve Phillips skits (which is possibly the worse thing I have ever seen on TV), but once I realized that it was real I was thinking that the Eagles will probably be stupid enough to take this as a sincere apology and welcome TO back. I really hope not. But then again, it is the Eagles who is like that guy at work who is so desparate that he will date any co-worker despite how crazy these girls might be. And Lee, its not me. For example, a year ago, there was a hot blonde in the office who started to show interest in one of my friends. We then began to find out some really weird shit about her, that I won't go into, but lets just say that she has a couple of notches on her belt for Managers that she has gotten fired due to failed relationships. Well when having the discussion with my friend, he was contemplating going out on a date with her and I said, "Dude, the best case scenario is that you get married to her. There is no middle ground with this girl. If anything goes wrong, it will cost you your job and probably your tires on your car. You know she will go apeshit if you go out with her once, sleep with her, and then stop calling her. SHE IS CRAZY-STAY AWAY!!!" And his response to this all the time was "Well, she is hot", and its very tough to argue against that. And this is just like the Eagles-TO relationship. Everyone knew that TO was crazy, everyone knew what might happen, but the Eagles took a chance hoping to win the Superbowl, but instead lost their job and got their tires slashed. And if you think that no other team will take a chance on a beautiful crazy girl that might take them to the promise land, you are stupid. This is why Farmers has a very large HR group and why NFL teams have large PR groups.

Later this week I'll relate my impending career change to Brittany Spears marriage and the government spending problem with the history of "The Real World"

It's Monday, November 7

and Pittsburgh still sucks....

A reminder of what happened the last time the Browns and Steelers hooked up on a Sunday night game in Pittsburgh:

NFL Picks, Week 9

I was going to do a statistical analysis of the new table game, Texas Hold Em Bonus Poker, butthe equations quickly turned ugly. I'd rather do Sudoku puzzles than solve second-order bivariate equations.

Anyway, here we go with week 9:

Min 20, Det 13. Yes, put me down in the "Detroit Doubter" club. And Brad Johnson will do well - he better; I picked him up as an emergency starter in one of myleagues.

SD 20, NYJ 10. Just can't see the Jets scoring a lot of points in this one.

Cle 23, Ten 13. I have a good feeling about this game... no, really! I mean it!

KC 31, Oak 17. Can Oakland really put 3 good games otgether in a row? I say no - it's Norv Turner!

Chi 20, NO 3. If NO could only score 6 last week vs. Mia, what will they do against a team that leads a division and needs every win it can get?

Cin 17, Bal 10. I just don't get any vibe on a Ravens victory here.

Car 24, TB 13. How is TB going to score points? They only put up 10 against the 9ers! (I know, it was on the road, but still -it's SF)

Jax 23, Hou 6. Carr and the Texans come back to Earth...

Mia 27, Atl 20. Upset of the week. Atlanta is not that good. They are one-dimensional on offense, and do not play well on defense.

NYG 24, SF 10. I don't see a repeat of the Redskins blowout here.

Sea 31, Az 17. Why is Green going back to Warner?

GB 23, Pit 20. Farve will find a way. Can't explain this one logically.

Was 20, Phi 13. This one now scares me with the news of Owens' suspension. The team may rally around each other without TO and pull off an upset.

NE 34, Ind 31. Never bet against home underdogs on Monday night - ESPECIALLY if the home underdog is the 2 time defending Super Bowl champion.

Good week last week: 12-6 on best bets: overall: 69-59-5
19 best bets this week:

Min -1
SD/NYJ under 41
KC -4
Chi -3
Chi/NO Under 34
Cin -3
Cin/Bal Under 36 1/2
Car -1.5
Jax -13.5
Jax/Hou Under 37
Mia +3
Atl/mia Over 40
NYG/SF Under 42
Sea -4
GB +4
Was -3
Was/Phi Under 40
NE +3.5
NE/Ind Over 49 1/2

Random thoughts

The next post will be heavy on the statistics, so here is some light fare for Friday night:

1) Everyone from my generation (born, oh 1968-1976) considers Extreme's "More Than Words" to be one of the top 10 awful songs from our school days.

So why in the hell does this character named "Frankie J" feel the need to remake it? That's like Christina Aguilera remaking Maria Muldour's "Midnight at the Oasis" or something like that...

(and yes, I still have the "Pornograffiti" cassette).

2) I heard the sports news on the radio yeterday, and they played a clip from the Pacers' radio network- the clip was a dunk by Jermaine O'Neal... the announcer referred to him as "J.O."

Um........
That's like if Penn State running back Curtis Enis had a brother named Paul, some announcer would nickname him P-Enis.

I guess there are no more good nicknames anymore.

3) I see that Michael Schiavo has entered the political spotlight and publically announced his support for Tim Kaine. Why does this matter? Is he even a resident of Virginia? And will this turn the election over to Kilgore?

4) Why doesn't anyone like "57 Channels" by Bruce Springsteen?

5) The Grand Victoria casino played - back to back on their soundsystem - "Eternal Flame" by the Bangles, followed by "Knock Three Times" by Tony Orlando & Dawn. I was in heaven. Don Hershey, who was with me, quickly jumped three seats away from me.

Pet Peeves

Is it just me or does everyone else find it totally appalling to see grown working professionals dress up for Halloween at work? How can you have a meeting with someone wearing a cowboy outfit? I actually yelled at Little Bo Peep yesterday for falling behind on the project plan. I can't deal with this anymore. And I was already in a bad mood since some asshole pissed all over the seat of the designated "Number 2" stall in my office. And it wasn't just a little, it was like the guy was doing pull ups while pissing all over the entire stall and then thinking that this was normal and just leaving!!!!! There will be a full fledged investigation with indictments later on this week.

Other items that just totally makes me go nuts at work:

• Kids- If another person, brings in their 4 year old in at 1:00pm and then ignores them and lets them run all over the place to terrorize everyone trying to get shit done, I'm going to drop kick them into the parking lot. Now I don't mind infants and new borns, since they don't have the power to snag you stapler and drill it into your knee, or spill your water all over your keyboard, but lets make it as quick as possible and get them out of office. I remember one time back in Baltimore I went in on a Saturday and my clerical supervisor brought in her 6 kids (oldest being 12) while she worked. It was total pandemonium, and it took me almost half the morning on Monday to find all of my stuff.
  
• Lunch plans- I need to unwind at lunch, so I either have lunch with Austin, or I go by myself and read the paper. So if I have made it known that I don't want you to associate with me on several different occasions or have chewed you out in a meeting because you can't get something done, please stop asking me if I want to go out to lunch so I don't have to come up with some bullshit excuse.
  
• Middle Aged Women (non-management)- Jesus Christ, these women are brutal!!! Not only are they mean to women they don't like in the office, but even to their own friends. They are liars, gossip mongers, and are just plain depressing. If they aren't backstabbing one of their friends, then they are complaining about their husbands or how bad their kids are at home. Heaven forbid if they aren't married or don't have any kids and someone in the office that they don't like is either engaged or pregnant, its turns into depression alley and nobody gets any work done. The only good thing about this is that their anger is always against other women and not the men in the office. Oh and they always bring me in food.
  

Thoughts from the Weekend...

Some thoughts from the weekend:

-I have never been a huge supporter of Trader Joes over the years. I think I have been there once over the past 10 years. I was never really interested in all the stuff they had in there since it had a "organic hippy type food" reputation. But two weeks ago I stopped in one that is right next to my house and I absolutely love the place. The produce sucks, their cookies tastes like cardboard, and they do have a lot of crap in there that I'm afraid to even try, but I have found some great things.

• Marinades- I'm tired of spending $6 for sauces that are just loaded with sugar and basically taste the same. The variety of sauces here are second to none and are outstanding.
  
• Wine- I'm a borderline "wine snob", but I love trying small and obscure Cabs, Syrahs, and Pinots that are moderately priced. I have found some gems since I have moved out here that cost only $10 a bottle and rival the $40-$50 bottles, but since moving down to Orange County I have had some trouble finding these types of deals. Trader Joes has a large wine section with nothing but $10 bottles from small CA wineries. I spent close to 30 minutes yesterday trying to pick out 6 bottles to try out.
  
• Cheeses- Since I'm struggling to fit into my size 38 pants, despite running 30-45 minutes a day, I have finally decided to cut back my intake of cheese. This is big for me. I think that is the main reason why I've been in a bad mood for the past several months. But then I found this Yogurt Cheese that is not that bad for you and actually tastes like cheese, unlike those other low fat cheeses. This alone will make me go back to the store each time.
  
• Milk- For some reason milk is so expensive out here. Actually all diary products are expensive compared to back east. I usually pay $2.99 for one of those small 1/4 gallon containers, but Trader Joes has it for $1.49. Wow, I'm getting old when I'm actually excited about milk prices.
  
• The Help- Everyone is so nice there. Its amazing. A young girl actually took the time to help me decide on which cookies and bread to buy. Unlike the unionized check out people at your normal stores, I've actually had some really nice conversations with the check out people. Who would of thought that hippies were so nice.
  

-Is this the first year where it is harder to pick the worse 5 teams instead of the top 5 teams? I mean who is worse; Baltimore, Cleveland, Minnesota, GB, Houston, Detroit, AZ, Jets, New Orleans, Miami, or San Fran. And you could even throw in Chicago despite them having a winning record. Who has Chicago beaten this year? Detroit twice, Baltimore, and Minnesota. Ugh.

-Bought a nice pair of Johnstone and Murphys about a month ago and they are tearing up my feet. Any ideas on how to soften a shoe so I don't bleed?

-So I really like the new Rev Run show on MTV. I was thinking about why I liked it so much and it dawned on me that reality TV is gone so far overboard, it is actually refreshing and unique to have a reality show about a family that is normal and has some sort of family structure. The Hulk Hogan show is like this and now we have Rev Run.

-Laguna Beach Update: So Jason cheats on LC during the next episode. Hmmm, didn't see this one coming. The highlight of my week has now become the conversations with my mom about the show. Nothing like hearing the words player and slut coming from your mom's mouth.

-The business is taking a beating this year. Ugh. The older clientele is killing us this year. I need to find more 20-25 year old kids that think that they know everything about football.

-Eric is thinking about buying the NBA package since Cleveland might be solid this year. I'm still at a loss for words. This is coming from a guy who couldn't even name two players on the Cavs three years ago to now spending $150 dollars to watch all the games. Why is he buying the NBA package and not the MLB package? Is it marketing? Is it preseason hype? Someone needs to look into this.

-Driving cross country in about a month. Going from Louisville to San Diego. Any ideas on where to stop? Vegas is a given.

NFL Picks, Week 8

Shake it off - let's just shake off the bad performance of last week.....

Predictions for week 8:

Dal 31, Ariz 16: McCown on the road against a fired-up Dallas D? No. Lots of turnovers and points.

Cin 31, GB 17: GB has no defense. If Cle can score 26, Cinci will score at least 31.

Oak 24, Ten 13. Is this the week the Riaders turn the corner? Always wary about picking the Raiders on the road.

NYG 24, Was 13: The Giants play great at home. Eli will play well, and the D is strong enough to hold washington down.

Cle 20, Hou 13: Please, for the love of God....

Chi 20, Det 10: This talk about Jeff Garcia being the savior kills me. Did anyone watch that game last week? I did. The Browns gave them that game. Garcia was not a spark - the turnovers were. The Bears' D will kill the depleted Detroit offense.

Car 27, Min 13: This pick is easy... too easy, if you ask me. Still, there is no reason why the Panthers shouldn't win by 10 or more.

Stl 24, Jax 21: I like what I saw in Martin at the end of last week's game. St Louis will find a way to win this at home.

NO 27, Mia 16: I just feel like NO is ready to take all their frustrations out sometime.. return home to Louisiana seems like as good a time as any.

SD 31, KC 24: A good old AFC West Shootout. The Chargers will win, I'm not sure of the margin.

Den 27, Phi 17: Somehow, I have Plummer and Bell starting on my fantasy team this week. I think Philly is vulnerable here - and Den should romp.

TB 19, SF 10: What a complete guess at Tampa's total for the game. It could be 13, or 41.

NE 24, Buf 13: Lots of running plays and time-eating possessions. I think NE will be able to punch it in for a TD in the red zone more often than Buffalo.

Pit 27, Bal 10. If this turns into a 31-0 Pit blowout, I'll still watch with a smile on my face.

Best bets: (Last week: 6-11-2; overall: 57-53-5):
Dal -8.5
Dal/Az over 40
Cin -8 *
Oak PK
Oak/Ten Under 46
NYG -2.5
Nyg/Was under 42
Chi +3
Car -7.5
Car/Min Under 45
StL +3
NO -2
Den -3.5
TB/SF Under 36.5
Buf/NE Under 44
Pit -10
and 2 college games:
Ind +18
Iowa St +11.5

Derek's picks are in the comments.

Let the good times roll....

Ever hear a song that totally triggers a memory that is totally unrelated to the lyrics, and it sends you into a weird trance for as long as you are not disturbed? Today I was driving and NIN- Closer came on XM, and I instantly pictured Richie and his old Prelude parked in Keith's front yard doing "what he does best" while we were all waiting for him to grab a bat and go hit. Then I started to think about how I missed playing and how pitiful I was during our last couple of games, and how sore I was afterwards, but that didn't compare to how sore I used to get playing football. Then it went into playing tackle football back in the day and how great that was with the "chump of the week", Maroon Brad, the double snap to me for our lone completion which was a touchdown to Keith against those Hereford guys who were a couple of years older than us, and how good those guys were, but that didn't compare to playing in college against Dave Fields and the Wu brothers, and how Jay used to play in docksiders and black socks but had the greatest TD dances, and how Blondie and Rico would sell me out on every other play by providing the "Hey..watch out" blocking scheme against that monster black guy that I could actually hear breathing behind me as I tried to get away. Anyway, this went on for about 20 minutes, and I didn't snap out of it until my cell phone rang. This has happened to me on a couple of my drives recently which is very strange. Other songs that triggered these lapses over the past week:

Black Crowes- She talks to Angels- This song made me burst out laughing whenever I hear it since it reminds me of Clucky and the word "juniper". This went into several great memories like the "Philly Sucks" Song, Century Club, Prodigy Internet Service, Basketball Fantasy League, 5 team parlays, and Parks Rum.

Enigma-Sadeness- Ahhhh Laura Lebowitz aka Whora..... This went into a catelog of college romances that sometimes I wish I could forget. I actually hit my steering wheel in anger a couple of times remembering some of the "mistakes" from college.

Pixies-Broken Face- I actually heard this song on Jackass and it triggered all of the stupid shit we all used to do back in day and how much money we all would of made if someone had a video camera. Chris Smith and I in a shopping cart, Richie Keith and I with those fireworks, and Jon and I beating the living shit out of each other which would of put Bam Magera and his Dad to shame.

Random thoughts

Random thoughts, as I run around here at home with a sick kid:

1) You know the "cuckoo" noise on the $25,000 Pyramid (the OLD show - I refuse to watch the Donny Osmond version) - when a contestant says the word he's trying to get his/her partner to say? Wouldn't that be a great noise to have in some hand-held device (like the Taboo buzzer)?

So when Janice and I get into a fight - and she says something illogical, I can just press the button and out comes the "cuckoo" noise from Pyramid. Boy, it would be worth the 7 nights on the couch for that one moment.

2) I'm not home during the day that often - I'd say once every two months or so - but whenever I am, the Maury episode is ALWAYS one about DNA paternity tests. Is this all he runs, or am I just blessed?

3) I'm still bummed about the Browns loss on Sunday. That one hurt. Derek said to me that I should be upset over last week's loss at Baltimore, but this one hurt even more -at home, to a team with many injury problems and a defense that no one has starting on their fantasy team.
This loss has forced me to re-look at all parts of the team, and readjust my thoughts. And that's painful.

And we have Houston coming up. Oh God, if we lose....

4) What a great day for conservatives - and, more importantly, for populists - with the Miers nomination being withdrawn. It's nice to see that regular folks can rise up and make a difference. I believe that's what happened here. The backlash from the voters who voted for Bush (not all voters, but those who supported Bush) put enough pressure in the right places to make this happen.

Let's make sure we can affect policy in other ways, too, like the porkbusters activity with Sen. Coburn (R-OK) taking the lead.

For the love of God, we have Republican congressmen saying "there's no pork in the budget" (DeLay) and "Critics of the bridge funding can kiss my ear" (Young, referencing the bridge to nowhere).

The populist republicans must revolt now to get the message across before disaster awaits in 2006. Democrats failed (or refused) to see the tidal wave in 1993; some of us see it now and are trying to change course quickly.

Wow

Is it just me or is everyone else as excited about this "Trading Spouses" episode next Wednesday that I keep seeing during the World Series. Thank God I have Tivo.

Nothing else to comment about since the World Series is pretty boring, I've been working non stop, and the only thing I've done in my free time is catch up on season 6 of West Wing. 16 straigh hours of West Wing and I feel like a politcal operative that could get Eric elected to the Cedar Rapids City Council next week. All I need is Donna, that deaf chick to do my polling, and a sit room.

Hardball Times

Two great articles this morning over at HardballTimes.com dealing with last nights game and Gold Gloves.

Aaron Gleeman takes a closer look at last nights game between the Sox and Astros and breaks down all of the coaching issues on both ends. Really interesting.
http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/article/playing-in-the-rain/

David Glasko uses his "Range" formula to decipher who should win this years Gold Gloves. Jeter once again is slammed by the stat guys for being overrated at SS, and ARod was trashed as well. A couple of great comments on several bad players, and is worth a read.
http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/article/2005-gold-gloves/

Walk Offs

Quick question. Who is the biggest pussy to hit a walk off homer in the World Series? Chad Curtis or Scott Podsednik?

World Series of Poker

Has anyone watched the main event over the weekend? I'm sure that I'm watching a repeat since the tournament was like 5 months ago, but they have this guy that plays with his feet. He only has one arm and it is cripple, so he has learned to look at his cards with he freaking feet. What the F????? It was so disturbing that I had to fast forward it everytime he was on. And on a side note I'm beginning to love Phil Hellmuth. Too bad that I'm just about fed up with both playing and watching poker.

Winter is here!?!?

I checked weather.com today and saw this on our radar this morning. What is that white stuff out in the west??

It's a refreshing 32 degrees at 7 am. I'm serious! It's great!

Sports-related

Just to try to balance my long rambling baby entry, here's a quick sports rant:

I fucking HATE the dumb-ass diamond cam that Fox is using. It's a completely worthless view that adds absolutely nothing. I hate it more than I hate Tim McCarver (no small statement), but less than I hate Tony Siragusa. Tony Siragusa actually makes me dumber by listening to him.

Baby Timeline

Since it's Saturday night and I have nothing better to do, I thought that I'd give you guys the recap of us having our kid. Not that you care, but you've been bitching about no one else contributing, so watch out what you ask for.

3:30 AM - Katie wakes me up telling me that she is having contractions. Tells me that her water broke at 2:30AM and she's been timing the contractions for the last hour. Bless her for letting me sleep, but I could not be more confused at this point. The doctors tell you that you have to be having contractions for a while and they have to be coming pretty frequently before you call them. I guess that they get a lot of people coming in and actually send a lot of them home, because they could be in labor for hours before it really gets to the point where they need to act. From 3:30 AM to about 4:00AM I am get up, get dressed, get my contacts in, and try to figure out just what the fuck is going on.

4:15 AM - We call the OB/GYN and let her know the deal and they we are headed to the hospital. She confirms everything and OKs us to head to the hospital.

4:30 AM - Leave for the hospital. It's not really as hectic as the movies would make you believe, but contractions sound to me like Katie is getting stabbed every 10 minutes. Doubling over in pain--not screaming--but it really looks like it hurts. The nice thing about going into labor at 4:30AM is that there really isn't much traffic on the roads. Which is a real bonus if you know anything about the DC area rush hour. I'm debating in my head how fast I can drive without Katie noticing that we are speeding excessively. Turns out that you can go just about as fast as you want when you wife is in labor, but I settle in at about 90 mph.

5:00 AM - We're checked into the hospital and in the labor and delivery room. The nurse checks Katie out and says that she's 5 cm dilated. You gotta get to 10 cm to deliver the kid, so we're actually doing pretty well. BTW, you don't want to know how they check to see how dilated you are.

6:00 AM - Contractions are coming pretty fast and furious, so they call for the epidural. Probably about 6 cm at this point.

6:30 AM - 7 cm and moving fast at this point. Guy comes in for the epidural and has somewhat of a hard time with it. An epidural is when they inject the painkiller via a big-ass needle directly into the spine in the small of your back--just above where the slut tattoo would be. I get queasy around needles, so this guy repeatedly sticking a big needle into my wife's back is not good times for the home team. He gets it to go just in the nick of time, for me and Katie. He promises that it will take effect within 15 minutes, and damn if he isn't right on.

6:45 AM - Sitting pretty. Epidural has kicked in, and we're at about 8 cm. The thing about the epidural is that it slows down the contractions, so the OB/GYN stops in around this time and checks everything out. She predicts that we'll have the kid by noon.

7:00 AM - Calls go out to family members, contractions slow and the pain is minimal. Better living through chemistry.

9:00 AM - Katie's mom shows up. Katie stops reading US Weekly long enough to talk to her mom and they discuss how hard she had it when she had Katie. Blah, blah, blah. I'm tuning out and wondering if there are any hot nurses in this place.

10:00 AM - OB/GYN (Dr. Anderson) comes in and tells us that she's got a hysterectomy (sp?) and she'll be back by 11 AM to deliver the kid. Still sticking to the noon prediction.

11:30 AM - She shows back up and we start to push. The only way I can describe it is that it's like trying to take a dump if you were really constipated. Imagine trying to take a 6-8 pound dump. (Might be easier for some of us to imagine than others--Derek, I'm looking in your direction.)

12:00 PM - No baby, but we're making progress. Looks like we'll have something within the hour. OB/GYN (Dr. Anderson) leaves and another doc from her practice tags in. I've heard about the "hot doctor" and here she is. Dr. Manaavi is probably 40-43 years old, 5' 8", 125 lbs, and blonde. She's not stopping traffic, but she definitely is hot.

1:00 PM - No baby, and we're starting to wonder what is going on. The baby's head gets right to the end when Katie pushes and then, when she stops, the baby goes back a couple of inches. We do this back and forth for the next couple of hours.

2:30 PM - They tell us that we've been pushing for about 3 hours and they usually don't let people push more than 2 hours. We're getting to the point where we need to make a C-section decision. It's something that we wanted to avoid, but it looks like it's increasingly likely.

3:00 PM - We've tried just about everything and we can't figure out what's going on. It seems like something is holding her back and the doctor guesses that the cord may be wrapped around her arm or something and may not be letting her out. We schedule for a C-section and they wheel her to the OR.

3:30 PM - Katie's in the OR getting prepped and I'm in the hallway pulling the paper scrubs over my clothes and waiting for the nurse to let me into the OR. They let me in and I try not to look at the incision. There are 2-3 nurses around Katie plus the doctor, with nurses walking around doing all kinds of other things. Add in an anathesologist (sp?) and we're talking about approx. 8 people in the room doing all kinds of things. I walk in and Katie is gulping for air like a fish out of water. The anathesologist assures me that she is OK, but it looks like she's had the wind knocked out of her. Scary as shit. Turns out the epidural wore off and they had to give her what they call a "spinal", which is another shot directly into the spine. The catch is that they put it up around the area between the shoulder blades and it means that you can't feel yourself breath. Scary, but she's getting enough oxygen and the feeling will wear off in a minute or so.

3:38 PM - Sydney is born! The doctor pull her out and holy shit, it's a bloody mess. We didn't find out the sex, so the doc hold her up and asks me if it's a boy or girl. First of all, newborns are this weird purple color until they breathe a couple of times to get oxygen and pink up. Second, they are covered in blood and this weird white-ish crap that protects their skin while they are in the womb. Third, she's got the cord draped between her legs and into Katie's gut. With all of this, I'm supposed to tell you if it's a boy or a girl?!?!? "It's a...girl?" I say/ask timidly. Correct answer! As I stand up to follow her to the clean-up area, I sneak a peek into the incision. Wow. I won't go into it here, but it's amazing to see the insides of another person.

BTW, it turns out that the cord was wrapped around her neck twice and that's what was holding her up. Yikes.

4:30 PM - Katie is out and in the recovery area and they leave us with the baby. Just weird and surreal. They really are just leaving us here with this kid? One of us just had major surgery, and the other one barely knows which end of the baby to hold up. This is already looking like it might end in disaster.

7:00 PM - We are checked into our recovery room--what an experience. And it's just begun.

So that's what I've been doing for the last three weeks or so...