Mystery Lyric #3

Congrats to those who got #2: "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" by Cher, I had no idea that Nirvana covered that song.

Here we go - Lyric #3:

We do the dive every time we dance
I'll give you love baby not romance
I'll make a move nothing left to chance
So don't you get fresh with me


Good luck!

Warning

Ariel and I wasted a good hour going through all of the video on this site

Nested here you will find some really good shit (along with a lot of junk). I'm sure you all have seen this already, but I can't get enough of Tom Cruise going crazy. Make sure you watch Dane Cook's impersonation of Tom on Kimmel. On the left hand side of this link I recommend the following as must see video:

• The worst sportscaster of all time
  
• The ultimate ownage video
  
• Too many guys
  
• Stewie vs. Shattner
  

I promise this won't disappoint. Just be prepared to waste massive amounts of time

This is what happens when no one else writes.....

As I prepare for my impeding move to the OC, I figured that I would do some spring-cleaning on my wardrobe. Since I’ve been single for about 3 years now, my collection of shitty clothes has grown to an almost uncontrollable level. Actually being single has nothing to do with it, since I have two full dresser drawers of tee shirts, most of which are from my college days. I have enough shirts, socks, and underwear to last about 90 days without doing laundry. I’m still amazed I was able to hold off multiple attacks from past girlfriends and my mother in throwing out some of the 62-logo tee shirts that I have. So last night, while watching the A’s and hopped up on Benadryl and Johnnie Walker, I decided to cut down the number of tee shirts to 30. I was able to get down to 36, with the below shirts not making the cut.

• 5 Gap tee shirts from 4 years ago that I bought when I was in shape and working out. Now these tee shirts don’t even fit over my stomach and the sleeves just barely cover my shoulders. What the fuck was I thinking?
  
• 2 Maryland Shirts: I can’t believe I still have these. These were the free white Tee shirts we got during our freshman year with the Toyota ad on the back.
  
• 4 Tee shirts from my brother: For some reason when Eric was traveling to Mississippi, he picked me up a Biloxi Grand Casino and Jim Bean tee shirt (with matching hat). I’m also tossing an ESPN shirt from Disney World and some weird golfing tee shirt with the saying “Its not the size of your shaft but how long you can drive it in her” or something like that.
  
• 3 Zurich Shirts with our company goals on it. Yeah, that’s something I’ll wear out.
  
• One shirt from my old apartment complex commemorating the 2002 Renovations.
  
• The one that I hate to get rid the most because it has been with me for the longest was the 1989 Jose Canseco tee. This is a 16-year-old tee shirt that has made it through college, 12 moves, and multiple attempts by many people to chuck it. It has two massive holes under the armpits, the collar is no longer there, and there are holes around the logo.
  
• There were another 10 tees from different parts of the country like Black Bear Tavern in Deep Creek, a bunch of San Diego shirts, New Orleans, and the Hard Rock in the Bahamas. The Detroit Tigers tee from their last season in the old Tiger stadium didn’t make the cut either.
  

Put it on the board.....Yes.

Only a few of you will enjoy this. This always reminds me of the Monte Carlo with Jay and I making each other laugh by putting "he gone" in every sentence while Eric is trying to pick his final game to put in his 10 game parlay.

http://www.heavethehawk.com/Hawkisms.html

There have been 19 QBs selected number 1 overall in the NFL Draft...

I usually despise all ESPN non sporting event programming like Baseball Tonight, NFL Primetime, Dreamjob, Tilt, and even Sportscenter, but after 1,000 tries at a game show, I think they found a winner in "Stump the Schwab". The questions are great and I've even done the "put a sheet of paper up over part of the TV so I can play along" move. Man, I need to get out of the house. Anyway, the only negative thing about the show is that I have to look at Stu Scott and his lazy eye for 30 minutes and endure the awkward fist poundage between Stu and the schwab at the end of the show. But other than that, it has now gone into my regular rotation along with Family Guy, West Wing, Blow Out, and Real World/Road Rules Challenge. But the lack of ads and press for this show along with it getting bumped to ESPN2 gives me the impression that they will be dumping it shortly. I hope they come out with a Stump the Schwab board game before they do.

Why is Iowa more advanced than ESPN?

Eric is playing in the Iowa Public Links Championship today not the US Open Qualifier as displayed in the poll. Go to the Iowa Golf Link on the side to get live updates. Doesn't seem like a lot of people. I remember the ones for Ohio had a large field. With the small field and his recent performances, I'm giving 10-1 odds on Eric winning this thing.

Anyway, let's wish him luck and hope he doesn't have that Cher song (answer to Lyric #2) stuck in his head, since its been in mine all night.

Corporate Hell

Question? Why is it when married men travel for business they always act like they are back in college on a road trip to New Orleans? If I see another middle age married man with two kids at home down 6 beers before dinner, then try to pick up the waitress, and then embarrass themselves by telling us stories about how they flirted with the front desk clerk at the Hampton Inn in Oklahoma City last week I’m going to throw up. And just because I’m single, that doesn’t mean that I’m an alcoholic and know where all the loose strippers dance. It also doesn’t mean that I’m desperate and need your help in meeting a girl. Jesus, you are definitely not my wing man so stop buying the 42 year old chain smoking red head at the end of the bar drinks. Karaoke? Hell no. Yeah I know marriage sucks and the kids are a pain and I should always stay single, but please stop begging and bitching that I stay out and have one last “nightcap”. It’s pathetic. On the bright side, I don't think I've paid for a single drink since these married boobs get too drunk and start picking up tabs left and right.

Mystery Lyric #2

If you get this, then we will really have to make it difficult.

Lyric:

Picked up a boy just south of mobile
Gave him a ride, filled him with a hot meal
I was sixteen, he was twenty-one
Rode with us to memphis
And papa woulda shot him if he knew what he’d done

Where are the Nationals?

Second day in a row that the A's-Nats game isn't on the MLB package. As I was cursing why the games aren't televised, I stumbled across this old Hardballtimes article discussing how badly the Nationals are going to get screwed by Angelos. Now it all makes sense on why Angelos didn't receive a large lump sum of money that everyone thought he would need to allow the move. This is just shocking that Selig would allow this, since it seems that it will permanently put the Nationals in the poor house for the next 50 years.

Lee, who is picking up the Nats games? Is it just on local TV?

Daily Picks: Making this quick since I'm swamped with work.
TX (Young vs. Tejada) -110- Mark my words. By the end of 2006, Young will be considered the next Johan Santana.
KC (Hernandez vs. Fassero) +120- How do the Giants have 24 wins with Rueter and Fassero in their rotation?
Dodgers (Weaver vs. Johnson) -105- No explanation for this one except that I truly love watching The Weave pitch.
Brewers (Capauno vs. Mussina) -Even- If they lose, I wouldn't be surprised if we hear more and more Torre being fired rumors.

Yesterday: 2-3 -123
YTD: 16-8 +840

baseball draft

The draft is underway and I just read a comment about how the A's used 3 out of their first 5 picks on high school pitchers and that Beane must be frustrated with "Moneyball" and coming back to using traditional baseball philosophy. Once again the media gets it wrong on what Moneyball is all about and what Beane has to do to be successful. It's not about OPS, College Pitchers, and Stats, but its about finding inefficiencies in the market to maximize wins per dollars spent. With the success he has had in the draft, there is now a tendency to overpay for college players and undervalue high school talent. So while everyone is paying good money for college pitchers, the A's once again go against the norm and steal some talented high school pitchers for dirt cheap. The hardest throwing right handed pitcher in the draft, Craig Italiano, goes in the third round to the A's and has already been signed.
Side note: Did you know that the MLB draft only allows for 30 seconds between picks? Other sports should follow this model.
A's Notes: If the A's weren't so far out of first place, and the Angels and Rangers heating up, I would really like our chances but I think we dug ourselves too big of a hole. We usually dominate our interleague competition (except for the Giants) so my goal is to see the A's at .500 by the end of June.
Daily Picks: I'm on fire.
Oakland (Zito vs Armas) -103- Zito doesn't pitch that well on the road, but our bullpen is rested and our offense is clicking.
Angels (Byrd vs Ramirez) +110- Byrd will throw strikes and Ramirez will get knocked out early against the free swinging Angels.
Cubs (Rusch vs. Towers) -140 - I'm riding the Rusch and Cubs bandwagon until the wheels fly off.
KC (Carasco vs. Rueter) +120- The only reason why I'm taking this one is due to the fact that I hate Rueter and I'm shocked that he still has a job.
Brewers (Sheets vs. Pavano) Even- No respect for the Brewers despite the Yanks going into a huge slide. Sheets doesn't seem to be completely healthy yet, but he only has to worry about Jeter, Sheff, and A-Rod.
Two days ago: 5-1 +458
YTD: 14-5 +963

Episode I - The Best Decisions

Coming off last week, where it was obvious that David Ortizzle was the greatest Free Agent signing in the history of the Red Sox, it made me think - what are the other "Bests" in terms of player moves for the other teams I follow (lets limit this to NBA, MLB, NFL only - if you want to tell me about that great russian Krykiashisyckyzcvy that someone drafted in the NHL - save it). Here are the categories:

• Best Free Agent signing
• Best Draft choice
• Best Trade

Now, before everyone hijacks this post with John "Hot Plate" Williams talk, have no fear the space for that will appear later in the week in Episode II - Attack of the Bad GMs (for all of the worst moves). For now - clear your mind of the negativity, think happy thoughts and think about the good moves your teams have made. For the purpose of this discussion I think we should limit it to the past 25 years or so. I think it will be interesting to hear your thoughts on the A's, Browns, Skins, O's, NYY, Royals, etc...

• Red Sox
• Free Agent - Aforementioned David Ortiz. He has had a zillion clutch hits, was huge in the playoffs and you could make the argument that he is the most dangerous LH hitter in the league right now. Oh, and he was signed for around 1 million - thats ridiculous value.
• Draft Choice - Roger Clemens. Pretty much a nobrainer since the Red Sox haven't developed too many guys since him. Although I think he actually has something like 140 post Red Soxwins - thats amazing . Throw in back-to-back pitching Triple Crowns and 4 Cy Youngs AFTER his Red Sox career, it seems like his Red Sox days were eons ago, but it still counts.
• Trade - Pedro for Armas Jr and Pavano. You could argue Schilling for Fossum, Jorge De La Rosa, 6 baseballs and some chewing gum - but Pedro was so good for so long he gets the nod.
• Celtics
• Free Agent - It seems like since the advent of FA, and the cap the Celts have always been saddled with bad contracts, veterans or dead people still on their cap. So I will say David Wesley who I think they picked up during the Dark Ages as a street FA and he turned out to be a very servicable guard in his day. Of course, Pitino let him walk.
  
• Draft Choice - Bird. Duh. When they make a rule about who is draft eligible because of a selection - that says it all.
• Trade - Easily Kevin McHale and Parish for Joe Barry Carroll.
  
• Pats
• Free Agent - Adam Vinitieri OK, I'm cheating a *little* here, but he was an undrafted FA pickup by Parcells.
  
• Draft Choice - Brady. Duh.
• Trade - This is tough because so many football trades involve picks and you can't remember who actually was traded for what. I would say Corey Dillon, because I can't remember any impact trades they made that weren't just for draft choices. If you count "trading" a first round pick for Belichick, then that would be the obvious choice.
  

A link you have to read

James Lileks is a hell of a writer.

http://www.lileks.com/screedblog/index.html

Mystery Lyric

This is a game that Steve and I play sporadically - we both leave random lyrics from songs on each other's voice mail as a challenge. The purpose, of course, is for the recipient to name the song and the artist. Watch out! The artists span a wide range of styles, from Naughty By Nature to Barbra Streisand.

Lyric #1:

That's my story, and you see
I learned my lesson, and so did she
Now it's over, and I'm glad
I regret all that I said.....

Trivia answer from last week:
John Lucas
Keith Smart
Randy Wittman

Soccer

It's family night tonight!

Freddie scored his first goal tonight in a 8-1 win. His goal included pushing down members of his own team so he could score. Ah, we've created a monster.

Sunday School Lessons - Eric Z style

So I'm sitting with Freddie in the preschool Sunday School class. The teacher is going over the story of Noah's Ark. Bad people, God tells Noah to build Ark, 2 by 2, etc. etc.

Then - did you know this? - before Noah sent the doves, he sent a raven out. I'll have to check my Bible on that.

The lady asked all of the kids..."Now why did Noah send the raven out of the Ark?"

My first response (unfortunately, not audible):

"Because Mrs. Noah caught him selling cocaine to the giraffes?"

Other answers welcome below.

Where are they now?

You can stop the email campaign, Mario Lucas has been spotted. He is currently a blackjack dealer on a riverboat in Mississippi. He reportedly is working as a blackjack dealer for a little extra cash from a full-time real estate job, but the legitimacy of those real estate claims has not yet been validated. Road trip anyone?

Shaq

If the Heat don't win tonight, does that diminish Shaq's legacy/reputation? Isn't this the reason that they got him? To have a legit arguement for league MVP, don't you have to be the MVP of your own team? Is he the MVP of the Heat? Or is it proving to be Wade? Shouldn't you be able to carry your team for a game when it counts? The playoffs are when legacies are made, and in my opinion Shaq needs to come up big tonight. Anything short of being an unstoppable force tarnishes his reputation to me--injury or no injury. How many did Jordan score when he had the flu in the playoffs and had to be helped (almost carried) off the court? Big players show up in big situations and this is a big situation.

bitch bitch bitch

Yesterday evening I went to play some poker at Hollywood Park, which is one of my favorite places to go, and Eric wanted me to write about it. But as an old school poker player, I hate reading and talking about poker sessions. What is an old school player?

• Purchased Supersystem when it was out of print and only available in hardback for $100.
  
• Was playing back when Hold em was called World Series of Poker.
  
• When going to a casino, it was a 50/50 split on Stud and Hold em tables. Most casinos now, you can't even find a Stud game.
  
• Only had two choices to play poker on the strip in Vegas; Monte Carlo and Mirage.
  
• You were the youngest person at the table by at least 30 years.
  
• You could not find clay poker chips at Walmart. When you ordered clay chips they were $1 per chip.
  
• It took months to plan and get enough people for a 16 person tournament.
  
  

There is nothing more annoying to me than some guy telling me about a hand that he lost, or how his pocket Aces didn't hold up. The thing that pisses me off is that it is usually due to improper betting (trying to slowplay a hand or not knowing when to raise) or that the player doesn't realize that he will eventually capitalize on people who try to draw a flush or straight on everyhand. That is why I don't talk to a lot of people at the table when I play, especially at Hollywood Park, because all it turns into is a bitch fest on how people are drawing out on good hands. That's all it seems to be now at the tables, a bunch of men almost in tears, complaining on hands they lost. What the fuck? If you want to complain, which I do at times, take a second to step away from the table, call your brother, and make it quick. When strangers complain to me, I usually make some stupid comments that offend them and it ends very awkwardly, so that is why I just sit there and either read or pick random horses. My method for picking horses has now changed to a junk hand that I have on the button. So if I get a 5-8 on the button, I'll fold and then find a race that has a 5-8 racing and do an exacta box.

I'm at a point in my poker playing life that I have probably lost and won on more strange hands that nothing surprises me so I don't care to much to read, write, or talk about it. So for you poker players that have only been playing for 1-2 years, there is nothing more annoying than listening to you on how you lost on 2 pair to a flush when it was clear that you lost because you bet improperly. There is nothing more annoying that watching you bitch and complain like a little girl when you lose. Shut up, suck it up, and learn from your mistakes. Take a second from your bitching and understand why that guy was able to pull something on the river from you. If you are smart enough, you will either realize that you did something wrong or that the other guy is a bad poker player and it will take a small amount of time to get your money back. Poker used to be played by a group of real men who would take you out back if you complained about losing, and now its played by a bunch of men who find reasons to complain so they can bond with their fellow complainers.

Anyway, I really wanted to talk how the demise of the married man can be blamed on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but that will have to wait.

A's Notes: Another solid performance by the A's offense, even with Kotsay out with back spasms. Chavez's OPS has been over 1.000 and he fielding 100% better than a couple of weeks ago. Blanton must of seen the writing on the wall after Macha's comments the other day. Too bad its about 3 weeks too late though.

Other Notes: Jay, the top of the 9th of the Sox game might of been one of the ugliest half innings I've seen in sometime.

Picks: Big day today. I like a bunch of games so I will probably go 1-5.

Pittsburgh (Perez vs. Greisinger) +118 - Perez as a underdog at home?
Dodgers (Penny vs. Obermueller) -165 -NyQuil doesn't even have the sleeping power over the combination of Scully and a 2-1 Brewers/Dodgers game.
Cubs (Zambrano vs. Williams) +128 I-'m asking for it here with the Cubs going for a sweep against a very good Padres team. Heard Ron Cey on the radio the other day stating that this Cubs team matches up perfect with the Padres. Whatever, but I'll go with it.
Minnesota (Silva vs. Brown) +122 - In a must win game yesterday the Yanks just barely squeak out a win. I'm just so disappointed with this team.
A's (Haren vs. Gaudin) -138- Hot Hot Hot!!!!!
Indians Under 8 (-110) - I'm really hoping this Indians slide doesn't continue.

Yesterday :3-1 +200

YTD: 9-4 +505

Iowa State Cyclones - Fo' Real

Two days ago all I had to respond to was Neil's desperate grasp for yankee bashing, his mind now fully seized with madness by the faint images of a 2nd string catcher from Kentucky simultaneously tip toeing out of the batters box and drop kicking the braves into a decade of hanging NL East, feel the pride, championship banners (and his transition to the dark side complete), but now the bar has been raised.

Zahn the elder's rumination on MTV's Next makes statistics sing like it hasn't since Abraham de Moivre dropped The Doctrine of Chance back in 1718. http://www.unisanet.unisa.edu.au/10920/statist.htm
I'm looking forward to Easy Z using Gauss' work in differential geometry to explain how Felix Fermin was robbed of the 1988 AL Player of the Month Award for May.

In honor of the blog's founding freres and for no good reason at all I will briefly recount my recent trip to that haven of incentivized guesswork, the tantalizing clank of tokens falling into somebody's grandma's plastic cup, and the ever tasteful, north of the thong tatoo of something meaningful in chinese that is sure to stoke the ardor of your new abusive boyfriend who will remark upon it favorably while you guys hook up in the bathroom cuz like whatever we were fucking drunk, or as you know it, Atlantic City.

I guess there are three possible outcomes for the non-gambling, non drinking, possessing an ever shrinking comfort zone visitor to AC. There is 1) try a bit of gambling and lose (bad), 2) get stuck in a lame theme bar buying 4 dollar sodas (worse), and 3) paying $50 to watch Bruce Smirnoff at the Comedy Stop in the Tropicana (having your legs cut off by your jedi master and slowly drifting into lava). Luckily I only had to endure 2 and 3. Understand this, Smirnoff means well. He lives in Miami, and he's tried internet dating and viagra. He knows his name is a brand of vodka. He thinks the world is just crazy sometimes; he just doesn't have any idea as to how convey these facts with any hint of jocularity or irony. Think about it this way, the Smirnoff formula for F (funny) =H (linguistic ability) + U (universality of human expression) X P (perceptiveness) divided by S (the amount of Smirnoffs in the room -1). In any case it's over now. Is there any way we can add ms paint artwork to the blog, or it verboten?

Tornado Warning

Sirens have now gone off.... great. There is a tornado warning just announced for our county until 11:00. A little scary when you realize those sirens are not drills, especially at 10:20 at night.

Eric Z.