I'm mad as hell....

And I'm not going to take it anymore!

Quick update from Round 1 at Apple Valley: I hit 13 greens & fringes. 13! Thirteen.

I shot 79. Sickening. 13 greens should be at worst a 76.

38 putts - 4 three-putts - will do that to you. I left myself too many 50 footers on the large greens.....and I paid for it. I need to shoot 77 tomorrow (at worst).

Z is for Victory!

Our local public course - Crooked Tree in Mason - had the club championship this weekend. Long story short - I shot 76 the first day, highlighted by a bogey on 16 and a double on 17 (nice finish!). I ended up 2 strokes clear of the field.

Started today - doubled an easy par 5 to start to lose the lead....... and by the time we made the turn, I was up by 8. I ended up shooting 37 on the front (made a few nice putts) while every one else in my group shot no better than 42. I don't understand it.

Bogeyed 15, 16 and 18 - 18 is a par 5, and I played it with the following clubs:
5 wood
left-handed wedge
wedge
7 iron
9 iron
15' sidehill putt in!

I shot 76 (again) today and ended up winning by 7. I was thinking what Jim Nantz would say coming up 18 - and the best I could get would be the title of this post.

It's a pure target golf course - I hit driver on 3 holes - and big numbers are everywhere. I made 3 doubles - which sounds bad but consider that there were three 9's in the group between my opponents today. It sets up nicely for a thinking man's golfer.

Played with a started yesterday and he told me that the head pro's son (who is about 19 or 20) is in the group in front of us. The conversation went like this:

Starter: "He's a good golfer! Hits the ball a mile"
EZ: "Really? Does he play college golf?"
Starter: "Oh yes! He's that good! He plays for Ohio State...."
a bit of a pause there...I'm thinking , that's weird - if he played for Ohio St, I would have heard of him or seen him up in Springfield for the states....
Starter: "Newark."
EZ: "Um...what? Ohio St - Newark?"
Starter: "Yes! He's on the golf team there!"

OK - when I was at Case, where it took an average of, oh, 91, to make the team, we played these satellite campuses (like Ohio St - Lima, Penn St- Behrend, and Akron-Wayne) in our tournments. And let's be honest, no one was any good. Winners shot like 78 or so.
(Although the weather was always crappy - it was always 50 and 20 mph winds for spring tournaments in Ohio. Kermit wore short sleeves and shorts in that weather).

So people's perspective are a bit skewed. It was nice kicking his ass today (he shot 84 to my 76).

Anyway- that win gets me into the Greater Cincinnati Tournament of Champions, and an automatic entry in the Crooked Tree Ryder Cup team in October. It's a sad state if I have to carry that team. I'll try to recruit Don, Craig and Mike for the team.

Off to Apple Valley tomorrow.....

Who needs caffeine?

Scene: Eric's family room

Eric stumbles downstairs at approximately 6 am, still half asleep. He finds the remote, and after about 3 minutes of channel surfing, he lands on MSNBC......

First voice he hears is Chris Hansen's from Dateline NBC...

Chris Hansen: "Sir, do you want to explain yourself? You are naked, walking around chasing a cat and you have a bowl of whipped cream..."

Wait, what?

OK - now I am awake for the day. Thanks for that eye-opening visual.

Weekend Comments

1. Say what you want about the Sportsguy's article, but his podcasts are starting to get better. I was very hesitant to download those but since he wasn't writing every week, I started to check it out. I thought the Adam Corolla one was terrible, but to see how far he has come with the most recent one, Michael Wilborn, it is amazing. For you DC boys, download the Wilborn podcast and you will not be disappointed. Very good. I am now hooked. Good job Sportsguy!!! And Eric, you are starting to sound like Dad. "Podcasts? I don't know how it works. I can't get it to work. I'm going to put my head in the sand and ignore it."

2. Two things. First, I can't believe that Family Feud is still on. Second, when did Louie Anderson stop hosting it? The guy from Seinfeld, Mr. Petterson, is the host. And why haven't we gotten a team to on that?

3. Wiz, I'm extremely jealous of your World Series of Mini Golf tournament. I'm still waiting for my invitation. I would absolutely fly across country to play in that.

4. 240 muscle bound softball girl (Godzilla) vs. very short and stocky goth girl (ramo). Which one do you find more attractive. I was thinking about this the other day when I watched two groups of high school girls cross the street. One was a bunch of goth girls and the other was the softball team. And boy, this is a tough one. Some more information for you, the goth girl was wearing a tiny skirt and a belly shirt. Her legs were the size of tree trunks. Very disgusting. And no, I wasn't camping out at the local high school. This was on my way home from work.

5. Bronx is Burning- I like it. Not too bad. I'm a fan.

Next week activities

Tomorrow starts "Golf Week" for me - a possible 7 rounds in 7 days. This weekend is the Crooked Tree club championship - the local course where we have our church league on Mondays. Greens are slow.....

And then Monday begins my annual pilgrimage to Apple Valley for the Ohio Public Golfer's Tournament. Monday afternoon is the practice round - with Dad, Steve and Kermit. Last year going home, Steve totaled his car in Apple Valley getting sideswiped by the Mt Vernon golf coach's daughter....... at least it resulted in the Bucha family getting a new Saab.

The tourney starts Tuesday, with over 230 people teeing off. The top 120 make it to Thursday, and the top 60 to Friday. Dad usually drives the cart (and if I'm not pissed at him, I'll ride along with him...). He indicated that he should be ok "to walk a round or two and carry the bag".....uh, I'm not sure about that.

I thought my game was coming around until last night at the range - the good news is that I was hitting consistent drives! The bad news is that I topped 3 3-woods in a row. That's a nice, confident feeling.

On a related note, my brother-in-law's wife (is that my sister in law? This is Janice's brother's wife - is she a sister in law oifficially? I have no idea how that works) is leaving this weekend for a week trip......to meditate. For 9 days she will be at a meditation retreat. No phones, TV, computers, etc. And - at the retreat - no talking. 9 days of silence.

I'm not sure I could go 3 hours at a place like that. And I could sneak my pager in - that's silent. Every 5 minutes I could excuse myself to go to the restroom and pull the pager out of my pants...... what?

Sports Odds and Ends

It's a slow day here at work today - it is an official annual "Clean out Files" day - so I will be "busy" cleaning out hard & soft files. I guess that means the images I have saved for posting on F&J need to be thrown out....

Some quick sports tidbits:

- Sad news to hear about Skip Prosser. I don't think there is another coach that has links to all the readers of this blog:
1) He has Maryland ties with his coaching stint at Loyola (MD);
2) He has Ohio/Cincinnati ties with his stint at Xavier; and
3) Of course, he has the ACC ties with WF.

People in Cincinnati still love him.

- The Browns have signed Joe Thomas (#3 overall) AND Eric Wright (CB from UNLV, 2nd round)! Two huge signings....and Mr. Elf (John Clayton) can go blow it out his ass as he preidcted "a long and drawn-out holdout from Joe Thomas".
Those are two key cogs that are needed right away for the Browns - especially Wright.

I know a bunch of you are asking "Well, what about Quinn??" I'm not so worried about him. He's not starting day 1 (unlike Thomas and Wright), and Quinn is more of a long term investment.
So if he's not here for the opening, I'm ok with that. Quinn is not as critical for 2007 as the others....he's more important for 2008 and beyond.

- I feel like I'm on the golf course in the middle of summer, and all of a sudden there is a rumbling in the distance....a storm is on the horizon. I'm the Tribe and that storm, of course, is the Yankees. Will I get to the clubhouse in time to beat the storm? Will the storm fizzle out before it gets to me? Will I make it to a shelter and boot the Tigers out?

Ok, bad analogy. But this week is the first week I am starting to watch the Yanks a little more nervously.

Who's NOW, ESPN?

Remember the NBA playoffs where San Antonio and Phoenix met in the second round? There were plenty of outcries for the NBA to effectively stop the playoffs, since the SA-Phx series was the de facto final. (and they were probably right).

Well, ESPN should just stop this idiotic Who's NOW? series and just go right to the finals. Who is more NOW than these two people:

Tim Donagey
and
Michael Vick

Forget anything else. These two will be leading SportsCenter for the next, oh, 6 weeks. I don't think you can get anymore NOW than that.

By the way, Wilbon - I hope those checks ESPN is giving you for this are good. You've lost a lot of credibility with this crap.

Manolo, shoot that piece of shit

I defend you in the blog and this is what you do to me? Fuck you Bear.

Come on down!

I think this is an excellent choice.... and not just because he is a Cleveland fan!

Weekdays at 11 am will be just fine for the next 10 years under his leadership.

Strange Dream

Crazy Nicoderm dream last night. I'm still trying to figure out what it meant, but here is the story.

Carol dies. Don't know how, but she dies. Next thing I know I'm with the Benson family since Chad also died. Very strange since nobody was crying or anything like that, just standing around chatting. Then Amy (Brad's sister, not my ex) stands up and tells us that Chad and Carol's last wishes were to make sure that all of their friends go by new nicknames and she hands out an envelope with people's new nicknames in it. The only one I remember was for Mark Larson, who needs to be called "The Professor".

I couldn't go back to sleep after this, and now I have this very bad feeling that someone is going to die. So everyone please be careful, watch your back, and don't fly down to South America.

The Track

Jesus, this Open is wonderful. Since Eric is behind right now, and I'm sure he is checking online, I'm not going to ruin anything for him, but WOW. Also, I'm actually liking a lot of the previews of the fall lineup on ABC.

Anyway, yesterday was absolutely wonderful at Del Mar, except for getting destroyed and only hitting one large wager.

• Started the day off with a wonderful breakfast in Solana Beach with one of my supervisors and his girlfriend and Carol. This place had the BEST bloody marys I've ever had. Two in me, and I'm ready for the track.
• Got there around 1 hour before post time and the place is packed. They are expecting 40,000 people today. They had 42,000 on Wednesday when the season opened. A Saturday or Sunday here at Del Mar is really like the Derby or the Stakes. About 50% of the people are dressed up, the crowd is very energized, and it is more like a party than your normal atmosphere at a regular track.
• First time I purchased actual seats. Usually I will either just putz around on the first level or go into the infield where you can spread out a blanket and watch the races inside. If I'm going by myself or just with Carol, I will do the later, but with a group of 9, these seats were perfect. Plus the lines for everything were so much smaller. Rarely a wait to make a wager, order a beer, or hit the bathroom. Also, since the track is on the beach, the sun can really be a bitch, so having our seats covered was a bonus.
• I started off 0-3 in the first three races. I almost broke down in tears when I realized that I misread my handwriting from my morning analyses and beat on horse 7 instead of 1. 1 came in and I would of won $220.
• One of my CRs, Emily, was on fire. I decided to jump on her bandwagon and made somewhat of a comeback. With breakfast, tickets, beer, food, and gambling for Carol and I, I was down $240. After the third race I was down about $400, so it was a nice strong comeback in the afternoon.
• One of the races, the superfecta paid $69,000 and the trifecta paid $7000. A 60-1 odd horse won which Carol had in the trifecta.

Movie Time Food

On Friday, Carol and I were at the movies and I wondered if anyone has ever tried to pull off a dinner/movie date by actually having dinner at the movie theaters? Wings, Hot dogs, Nachos, popcorn, and candy? I wonder if a guy could pull this off successfully? And when I say successful, I mean successful.

Quick poll

So when I mention that I vacationed in Key Largo, which song popped into your head? Was it:

a) this one
or
b) this one

If you said a), you are my friend. If you said b), you are a band-wagon jumping scumsack who probably likes Jim Nantz and Tim McCarver.

Sports, "Soap" Style

Will this man hold on to win the British Open and start a new clothing line for adidas? And will Eric become the first customer of the clothing line (with Leland being the 2nd)?

Or will Sergio take lessons on learning how to close a major from his ex-girlfriend's father (Greg Norman) and turn into another garish-colored golfer who threw the British Open away like this man:

Will this man be seen as the main cause for the downfall of all American team sports by the year 2015:

And how long do those Michelina's Frozen meals kepp in the freezer? 1 year? 2?

These questions - and many others - will be answered in the next episode of "Soap"!

Homo or International Playa

For the life of me I can't get the Shop Boyz song "Party Like a Rockstar" song out of my head. I discovered this picture (thanks RRD) and thought it would be perfect for this song.

Have a great weekend everyone. We can only aspire to have as much fun as our boy Lee here.

Let the Rain fall down

Discovered the Noggin channel tonight and got to watch some old Laguna Beach reruns. Ahhhh, Kristen where have you gone? I miss you so much.

And what is Noggin? I thought it was a kids channel, but I've seen ads for shows on this channel that shows two girls kissing, and then a separate one for a guy coming out of the closet? Carol thinks it is a Canadian teen soap opera show.

Interesting question for us gamblers. If presented the opportunity, would you of bet on the dogfights at Vick's house? I'm going to table this for a while since I'm not too sure what I would do, since my first reaction was no, but if Vick's cousin told me about an obvious layup, I might have to lay some money down.

For those of you that don't believe in the Gooch just ask Jon what happened today. I'm truly sorry Jon. I should understand and control the Gooch better.

What happened to me this morning?

So I've had a very rough week at work. I get to work this morning and realize that I didn't shave from my right side burn to the lower part of my ear. This wouldn't be a big deal if my beard didn't grow fast, but it does. I was going to run over to the store to buy a disposable, but I've been in meetings all morning. Now if I shave it, it will look weird since the rest of my stubble has grown out. Also I'm wearing two different color socks. Black and Blue. Carol did the laundry (the way it should be), but didn't take the time to match the socks up properly. Since I was half asleep this morning, I couldn't really tell that they didn't match. Not a good start to the day.

Baby why don't we go....

Since Eric is somewhere in Cocomo with the Beach Boys on vacation, I guess I better take over the political talk. Well, I got nothing on that end since the only thing going on right now is Oprah endorsing Obama, Congress having sleep overs, the Dollar hitting a new low, the market going bonkers because of some major buybacks with some large companies, and some earthquakes/plane crashes going on in other countries. So I guess I have to go to my wheelhouse and talk about some random crap.

• I'm begging you all to watch the Bret Michaels show on VH1. This might actually be better than Flavor of Love. I was so happy to see Tiffany stay on the show.


• Jon and I were talking about who out of our high school friends would last the longest stranded in the wilderness via Man vs Wild style. And it was pretty consistent. Ray, Keith, Richie, Me, Jon, Bruce, Curr, and Brad. Ray would probably kill something just to prove a point that he is man enough to be out in the Wild. Jon and I would be able to last the longest despite not being able to do anything whatsoever due to the our ability to live off of our fat. And poor little Brad would probably last a day since he is so tiny he might be attacked by a couple of squirrels.


• I'm sure Neil is feeling the same way as these Falcons fans are after the indictment. How is he not suspended yet? I actually wrote an email to the NFL and Atlanta this morning demanding that he gets suspended. Its called integrity my man. Its easy to do the right thing when its easy (Tank and Pacman), but you need to do the right thing when its the toughest thing to do. Suspend Vick for the year is tough, but it is the right thing to do.


• Opening week for Del Mar. Prepared to go on Friday Night for some evening horse racing and a concert in the infield, then will be returning on Saturday for an all day gambling and drinking extravaganza.
• What an amazing tank job by the A's. Wow. 8 in a row. Jesus. How soon does Football start?

Getting my ass kicked at the state tourney

Greetings from Key Largo, where the weather is hot, the Marlins are not and it seems a severe thunderstorm is just 2 hours away. We've been snorkeling, swimming and seeing alligators being fed. Fun time for the whole family.

Just wanted to recap what happened last week at the endurance test from hell at the Ohio Am in a diary format.

Tue: tee time shceduled for 2:30. Kermit and I wake up (separately, you perverts) to pouring rain. It doesn't stop for 4 hours - and is heading straight north to Springfield. My brother in law, Jeff, is caddieing for me.

We call the course: the course stopped play around 11.

2:30: arrive at the course; the tee times are backed up 2 hours. So I have a 4:30 tee time.
4:30: tee off under sunny skies. I par #10, the first hole of the day.
4:45: Clouds build: I hit a good drive off 11, end up parring as well.
5:00: we hear thunder in the distance; I hit the fairway on 12.
5:10: play is suspended.
After 90 minutes of euchre we are told we will begin again at 7:30. By the way, it seems everyone has ther own version of Euchre rules. Some people have never heard of Ace-No Face? Who doesn't play Stick the Dealer?

7:30: tee off again; eventually I start losing my swing.....finish bogey,bogey, bogey on 15,16, 17.

Get to the 18th tee aroud 9:05; I have no swing now. I`m up, and hit a 210 yard hook into the eep rough. 10 seonds later, the horn goes off. Dammit!

I`m plus^4 thru 8; Kermit made one par and is plus~5 thru 6. Nice job by us. We pile in the car; take off around 9:30, and get home around 11:15 after dropping the caddies off.

I set my alarm for 5 and fall asleep around 11:45; I wake up wide awake at 3;45. Go downstairs and turn on the only channel that I know will entertain me at that hour- MTV!

Dammit- no NEXT! It`s that damn Exposed show...the worst show ever invented on TV.

Get Kermit`s ass out of bed around 5:15, and leave around 5:30. Get to the course, hit balls, and am ready to go at 7:30.

Where we left off, my ball was in a bad lie in the rough abour 185 away to an uphill green. Somehow, I am convinced I can get a 5-wood on the club and run it up there.

At 7:31, I am proved wrong, as the ball is advanced about 75 yards. I make double.

The nxt 9 holes are a blur, as I miss a 3 footer, 3 putt from 10 feet for triple, top a 3 wood and make double - and finish even for the last 4 holes to shoot an 83. Nice.

And, of course, I have to do it again in an hour.

11::00 am, we go out for round 2. Front nine was not too bad - I shot 40 which included a miss 4 footer and a pulled hybrid that lead to a double. Could have easily ben a 37 or 38.

But that is it. My body - now on less than 4 hours of sleep - shuts down. I can`t hit anything straight, as I alternate between duck hook and blocks. A good combo, no? I make par on 11, and then go 9 over on the other 8 holes. The highlight was number 12, where I have a 4 foot straight downhill putt for par that may break some; I decide to hit it firm on the lip.

It did not break, and I was left with a 30 footer from the fringe for bogey.

40-44-84 to end the day. Lessons:

1- MTV is required to have Next on from 1 am - 6 am every day.

2- I should not be tired after that ordeal. I need to get in shape....period. No more excuses. It will not only help my golf swing, but also increase my stamina in Vegas in March.

3- I have no `tired swing` anymore. It used to be that if I got tired, I could just `bunt` a driver with a little fade and put it out there 230 yards away. Not great, but it worked when I was tired or under a little pressure. Not anymore - thired swings are all duck hooks now.

4- I need to solicit the board for ideas on how to fall asleep - and stay asleep - when you really need to sleep. Waking up at 3;45 and no being able to fall back asleep is a terrible feeling. Any suggestions? NyQuil? Benadryl?

Ball!!!

Ahhh what a weekend. Saturday was one of the better days of the summer so far. While BuckSuperStereo was off being a man, I was relaxing poolside getting sloshed on the High Life. God I love that beer.

The picture below was later on in the day after I was completely bombed. We ended up playing probably the stupidest game in the world called "Ball" (yes this was worse than Back to the Wall). This is where we stand around in a circle and try to keep a ball in the air for as long as we can while someone counts. The prior record was 81. We shattered that record by getting 114. And you would of thought we won the World Series. The guys were doing chest bumps and pouring beer on one another, while the girls were just screaming. Ahhhh, the life in the OC.

And no, I have no idea why I'm wearing Lee's MD visor and sunglasses in the pool.

Baseball Comments

1. Not surprising at all to see that JD Drew is day to day with a hammy injury and really being unproductive altogether in the potent Red Sox lineup. 6 homers, .260 avg, and only slugging .393? Ugh. How did Epstein (who I like) not see this coming?

2. Why don't I gamble more with baseball? I tend to do well, and I do a hundred times better than when I gamble on football and basketball. The last trip to Vegas I did fairly well. So I will start again with my daily picks. Today there is a lot to like.
+230 Royals
-210 Yankees
+128 Seattle
+112 O's
+150 Pirates
+125 Astros

3. Next trip to Vegas will be in October for Vegoose. The 2006 lineup seems to be fairly decent. The Killer, Black Crowes, and Tom Petty. Let's hope they show back up.

Baseball is back

Why can't baseball fix the All Star break issue. I absolutely hate this three day period. The homerun derby is unwatchable and the game is OK, but I want real baseball. So I'm probably one of the happiest guys in the US today knowing that the games start back up tonight. Ahhhh...all is well.

Anyway, is anyone else excited about the Simpson's movie? I can't get that Homer line out of my head. "Spider pig, Spider pig, doing whatever a Spider pig does." Last night while spending some quality time with the wife, I had that stuck in my head. At probably the most inopportune time I just started to laugh because I just kept on repeating this line in my head. Made for an interesting explanation on my end.

Ohio Amateur Preview

Tomorrow starts the 101st Ohio Amateur Championship. Kermit and I are playing; we had a practice round today. A couple of observations:

1) First hole - I was 35 feet or so above the hole; I then putted it off the green. In short, the greens are roughly 30x20 or so, but really we can only hit a 10x10 section in order to take the three-putt out of play.

2) Played in front of Jason Kokrak - the Xavier grad who played in the US Open - and two other high-level amateurs. Wow - an eye opener.
Kermit and I teed off #1 - we hit OK drives, and on that 430-yard par 4, we both had about 180 in. 4-irons.
We get to the green - and we see a ball come bounding down the hill, landing about 60 yards from the green.

We were outdriven by approximately 120 yards.

3) Course is 6700 yards, and has been changed from a par 72 to a par 70. Two par 5s are now par 4s, both about 485-490 yards. Driver-3 wood for me.

I played well, had 30 putts (no 3-putts)......I'm sure that means I'll three putt the first hole tomorrow.

2:30 tee time for me, with Kermit having a 2:50 tee time (with Chris Sabo). I think Kermit is officially the last person to tee off tomorrow.

With friends like these.....

Well, now that we are at the All-Star break, let me give a big round of applause to two teams that could have helped out the Tribe this weekend.

First, we have the A's, playing the team closest to the Tigers/Indians in the Wild Card Race - the Mariners. The A's rolled over and played dead, losing three straight to Seattle. The M's are now within 1 1/2 games of the Tribe, and Seattle is now 6 1/2 games up on Oakland. The A's aren't dead, but that series had to hurt. Thanks for the help, Derek.

And then we come to Arrogant Nation, the Red Sox. Well, I thought to myself, at least Boston will take 1 of 3 against the Tigers......seeing as though everyone has prety much awarded them the AL pennant and all. But no, Team Red Sox goes down three straight to our direct rival, the Tigers. Yes, I know we only won 1 out of 3 vs. Toronto, but just 1 Red Sox win would have kept us in the division lead at the all star break.

(Seeing this fold-o vs. the Tigers just deepens my hate for the Red Sox. I almost want to see the Yanks come back to the Sox and make it a race - it will be like watching a Phil Mickelson vs. Chris Riley in a playoff.........I wouldn't know who I hate more....)


Thanks, guys. I guess the Tribe is on their own this year.....

New low

Yup, its a new low for me. I can't stop watching My Sweet 16: The Movie. What is wrong with me. Did anyone else watch this? Lav? Eric? Beth?

Sunday Evening Ramblings

1. Yes, I will be Tivoing "The Bronx is Burning". Don't know why, but I'm intrigued.

2. For those MTV fans out there, Ben and I bumped into LC's little sister from Laguna Beach. One of the high notes on Saturdays' drunkest.

3. Die David Weathers, Die!!!!

4. Its great to see BuckSuperStereo back alive and kicking.

5. Carol comes home tomorrow!!! Yeah.

6. It is sad that when I saw the poll that 45% of Americans believe that President Bush should be impeached, my reaction was "Oh well, maybe". While I think the criticism is unjust for the Libby deal, since every president has made some very poor choices in this category, I do believe he has fucked up the immigration deal and the Iraq War, which probably shouldn't result in impeachment, but right now, I really don't care. He is useless.

7. If you like the Office, enjoy.

Optimus Prime

Went and saw Transformers on Friday with Ben. Not bad. If you ever watched the cartoon, then its worth going to see just for Optimus Prime. A little disappointed with Megatron as he never transformed into a gun and was only in the movie for a short period of time. Plus they were stealing music from other movies. I swear I heard the Terminator and Star Wars music in there somewhere. I guess I can't expect too much more out of Michael Bay. Ugh.

And this weekend seemed to be like a flash back to my college days.

1. Friday- Ben and I decide to see Transformers and get some Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan to sneak into the movies. Ben was a little too excited about the idea since he finished his 32+ ounce drink before the movie started. Not good. He was reeking of Jack as the previews were starting.
2. I on the otherhand tried to pace myself, but it didn't work. I was completely hammered by the mid point of the movie. When I tried to put my drink back in the cup holder, I accidentally put it on the knee of the kid sitting next to me. I don't know how long I left it there. This poor 15 year old kid must of been scared to death.
3. Went to Denny's afterwards and proceeded to eat large amounts of breakfast food. I had Moons My Over MyHammies with cheese hash browns and a side of pancakes. Cleared it in about 15 minutes. I'm still trying to recover from this meal.
4. Ben comes over on Saturday at 11:00am and we run it back. Ugh.

So...in order to stir things up a bit... I'd like some help in having the audience explain this to me.

I saw this article in USA Today today. Let me reprint the first paragraph in its entirety:

BAGHDAD (AP) — A new video by al-Qaeda's deputy leader Thursday left no doubt about what the terror network claims is at stake in Iraq — describing it as a centerpiece of its anti-American fight and insisting the Iraqi insurgency is under its direct leadership.

OK - so can we review things here?

1) Al-Qaeda is the enemy, correct?

2) Al-Qaeda is declaring that Iraq is the centerpiece of the anti-American fight and a lot is "at stake".

3) Our government has declared essentially the same thing- Iraq the center of the War on Terrorism.

So -
if our enemy and our country has said that Iraq is the center of the war, then why are so many politicians calling for a withdrawal?

Those of you who advocate a pullout - how would a withdrawal NOT be seen as an embarrassing defeat to the US?

(PS - I also need some explanation on how to title this post. For some reason, blogger won't let me put a title in the text bar.....)

What's Happening!!

Wow, I realize that it's been a while since I posted on the blog. A few things of note:

1) Golf update: Shot a miserable 80-83 in the Cincinnati City Championship, highlighed by a few bad/nervous/unsure swings that got me in trouble. In the first round, I was +3 after 14 and ended with a +8 80, finishing 5 over on the last 5, two of which included par-5s of less than 520 yards. The next day started well, then I made a big mistake dumping an 8 iron in the water; I then folded up the tent on a hot day by making my last par on #12. Ugh.

2) Hoo boy, I made a huge blunder talking to Don on the eve of the tournament. Craig and I played Elks Run, one of the courses we played Monday and Tuesday, about 2 weeks before the tournament. I recall the conversation this way:

EZ: "And then I hit a good tee shot off #10, but I didn't realize how close it was to Oscar Bradley" (note: my nickname for OB)
DH: #10? OB?
EZ: "Yeah - the cart path is right next to the fairway - right of the path is out of bounds"
DH: "what are you talking about?"

Uh oh, I knew I was in big trouble. You don't have people thinking about unknown OB before teeing off...... I tried to back my way out of it...

EZ (lying a bit): "Uh, well, it's a ways over there. There's more room than you think"
DH: "No there's not - that cart path is real close. That's really OB?"

Of course, you can finish this story. Don gets up on #10 tee on Monday and - zoom! - out of bounds. Ugh. Terrible error on my part.

3) Shot 76-72 this weekend in a local tournament, winning the 1st Flight. Craig played with me the first day and shot 75, which put him at the bottom of the Championship flight. My 76 put me in the top of the first flight - sorry for your luck, Craig! I ended up winning $175 for the first flight and Craig finished in the middle of the Championship flight with another 75.

Played with The Good Dr., Dr. Todd - a (lady) friend of mine from Iowa wanted me to set her up with him; I then find out on the 4th that he is, indeed, married and has an 18-month old. And we've been playing golf for 7-8 years! I swear, this never came up.

On a non-golf note, a person very close to this blog was in the hospital for a couple of days last week due to a health scare. Some of you, of course, know who this is - but I'll let him say more if he wants to (or nothing, if that's what he wants). Of course, any inner-city late night hospital stories are more than welcome and encouraged!

This is who Derek plays craps with

On the heels of having Derek brainwashed by a Frenchman who convinced him to play the don't pass, we have this from the London Times:

President Sarkozy has fallen foul of intellectuals and critics who see his passion for jogging as un-French, right-wing and even a ploy to brainwash his citizens. Attacks on Mr Sarkozy’s pastime, which he has made a symbol of his presidency, began on the internet as soon as he bounded up the steps of the Elysée Palace in shorts when he took office in May. The grumbling has now moved to television and the press.

“Is jogging right wing?” wondered Libération, the left-wing newspaper. Alain Finkelkraut, a celebrated philosopher, begged Mr Sarkozy on France 2, the main state television channel, to abandon his “undignified” pursuit. He should take up walking, like Socrates, Arthur Rimbaud, the poet, and other great men, said Mr Finkelkraut.

“Western civilisation, in its best sense, was born with the promenade. Walking is a sensitive, spiritual act. Jogging is management of the body. The jogger says I am in control. It has nothing to do with meditation.”


Wow. No further comment needed.

Thank God I was out there last week and not this week

First, this guy should get the death penalty. Second, does anything jump out at you in this story? For me it was the 13 year old that was wounded. It was 12:45am in the casino? What is he doing in there?

4th of July Continued

Wow, busy day here. Just sitting around watching baseball and drinking a glass of wine as I cook out. Tried to be productive today and here is what happened.
1. Woke up around 7:30am, made coffee and had my daily dose of bran. Checked the Internet and just putzed around for a while.
2. Went for a run and worked out.
3. Absolutely beautiful here today. Sunny and in the 80s with a nice breeze. Tried to go down to the beach to do some swimming and reading, but it was a mob scene.
4. Tried to go to the pool, but it was 10 times worse.
5. So I decided to just stay in, have some drinks, cook out, watch my A's game, do some blogging, and just relax.

And for those of you coming back now from your cookouts back East, enjoy this star wars clip, well worth the 5 seconds. Jon, Ben, and I were crying after watching this last night.

Annita Marks-Professional Football Player

Watching the Cubs-Nats game and a commercial came on for Annita Marks Sports Show on the MASN. She was taking groundballs and throwing like a girl to first base and I wondered, who the F is she? Googled her and found her website and it was pretty ridculious. First, she gained some points for her main page showing her with the boys of Charm City on my right. But then she quickly loses all respect with her absurd BIO and the trashy picture on that page. Wow.

Happy 4th

In celebration of the 4th we will be adding another blogger to the site. He was one of the original members who was banned for 18 months due to a really bad post. But he has served his time over at Hereford Nine and I'm ready to give him a second chance. Ladies and Gentlemen, please join me in welcoming the King of Immigration, Ben Martin.

First, I stumbled across this link and it totally reminded me of Carol's nephew Drake. For those that know him, wow. If you don't it is still pretty funny.

Secondly, I'm not too sure what it is, but I miss Carol. I feel a little depressed with her not around. It might be that or the fact that Justin Ducherser is having season ending hip surgery and the A's are out of it. Or it could be that our fantasy baseball team is probably out of it as well. Or it could be that I just ate too much and I couldn't fit into my shorts that I had to put on to run down Carol's cats from getting hit by a car for the 20th straight night. I really don't know right now.

And as I say goodnight to the West Coast, I will leave you with this question to ponder. Is Flight of the Conchords a wonderful comedy or a rip off of Tenacious D? I want to like it, but its just a little too cute and I have a feeling like I'm going to hate the show after a while. But right now I really do fancy their songs.

Vegas Recap Part 2

Some summary comments that I forgot to add in the prior post:

1. Craps- One of the most satisfying craps runs in a long time. Despite getting destroyed at the Belagio, all my other runs were wonderful. Used a combo of come bets and placing the 6 and 8. I started to max my odds whenever I could that really helped. But on at least three occasions, I crapped out with a very large amount of money on the table. That's very hard for me to overcome.

2. Empty space between the Monte and Belagio- This construction will be complete by the time we are all back out there. Looks pretty amazing.

3. Mirage- I can't tell you how disappointed I was to see the removal of the TVs from the BJ tables. I was looking forward to watching the baseball games and playing BJ. Sucks.

4. Gambling by myself was very enjoyable. A little too enjoyable. Made me a little more outgoing with other people. I think I met someone at each table I was at which is a first since I normally don't talk to anyone and find everyone annoying.

5. Monte Carlo- Wow, they are changing everything in there. They rearranged their craps tables which was strange. They are putting in new brown carpet, and redoing all their crap tables in brown felt.

6. Planet Hollywood- First, I thought that they were out of business. And since they bought the Aladdin, they are sure to go out of business very soon. Not enough tables to handle the people in the casino. At 12:00pm, I couldn't find an open BJ table. And their craps table almost made me go blind. Black felt, with gray and red highlights. Ugh.

7. New York New York- Probably the most entertaining place to gamble. They always have music blaring which is nice at times, along with TVs mounted at every table. This makes for such a nice gambling experience.

Vegas Recap

Well I'm back. Very tired for some reason. Onto the diary.

Trip to Vegas: Made it in 4 hours. Ugh. Terrible. Especially when leaving at 5:45am. Had two worthless stops and I was driving in a logo'd Farmers car, so I couldn't make up the time by going 90. Had to stop once in Barstow because the bran kicked in. Then I stopped on the NV-CA border at Buffalo Bills Casino. I thought I had purchased my winning Women's Ole Miss basketball ticket at Buffalo Bills back in March. So my plan was to stop there, cash the ticket and bet the A's game since it was starting at 10:00am. So I get there around 9:20, run inside and as I was handing the winning ticket to the man behind the counter I noticed that the ticket had the weird Mirage palm trees on it. WTF? I went to the wrong casino!! Fuck!!!! So I jumped into the logo car, and drove about 85 to the Mirage so to cash the ticket and bet the game before 10:00am. Just barely made it.

So after cashing the ticket and placing my morning bet at the Mirage, I had to cash a check at Bank of America and then check in at the New York New York. The room was very nice. 29th floor. Nice view of MGM and the Hooters Casinos. Take my time, freshen up, and go downstairs to begin the day of gambling. Now Eric, Lee, and I were discussing where I should go that day to gamble. Lee and I both thought that I should go to all of the places were I lost a shitload of money and try to avenge my losses. Eric, on the other hand, thought that we were absolutely stupid and I should continue to go where I've had some luck. If that was the case I would be spending the entire afternoon at the Sahara and the Frontier.

Anyway, I decided to just hang out at New York New York for a while and gamble there and watch the A's Yanks game. Wait? What day is it? Saturday? Crap, no games until the evening because of Fox. So I saddle up to a roulette table and promptly get my ass handed to me. Down a quick $200. I'm out of here. Stopped by the book first to place some additional baseball wagers. Took the Brewers, O's, and Indians Under. Went two out of three on those. Then went 0-2 on a 4 team parlay and the Dodgers.

Head over to the Monte to play some $5 craps. No $5s, but I do find a wide open $10 table. Hop on and have a decent roll. Then another guy joins in and he has a decent roll. Two semi attractive women join in and they have a decent roll. I end up picking up after a hour back to even. Strange thing though. Whenever the one dealer would talk to me, the next roll was a 7. I started to yell at the guy not to talk to me at the end.

Head over to Planet Hollywood, aka Aladdin. Not too bad. I was just going to play some BJ there, but couldn't find an open table. Ohh, what is that? A $5 craps table? Don't mind if I do. Stay there for about 45 minutes and made $50. I did get tipped by two older ladies who I think were 75 year old lesbians, for hitting there hard 8 twice. Walk around some more, pretty small place, pretty bland, so I decide to head over to the Mirage.

Arrive at the Mirage and find another $5 craps table. Stayed there for at least one hour with a very nice older man and an older lady from Australia. Those Mirage craps dealers are real dicks sometimes. I got a solid attitude from Skip the second I came up the table. It wasn't after I rolled once and was there for a little bit before he cut me some slack. Up another hundred so I decided to leave there to go cash my A's ticket.

I end up dicking around for the next hour at Pai Gow and some more roulette. I believe I won some more there. So I decided to go find a nice BJ table and watch the rest of the baseball games. Walk around to the $25 tables by the Beatles bar, and all the TVs are gone now. I asked one of the pit bosses where the TVs went and he looked at me like I was crazy. "You know, the TVs that were here back in March?" "Oh, they are gone now. We only have them for the tournament." Stupid idea guys, bring back the TVs.

So I end up joining a guy at a $25 BJ table who seems pretty nice. At this point I'm starting to get a little tipsy. OK, I'm borderline hammered. I'm struggling to put down my umpteenth Absolute and Soda. Problem with playing a lot of craps is that you end up pounding drinks. And you know how much I love an afternoon buzz. So I end up sitting down, and breaking out the BJ card, and the dealer calls me out on it. Ass. The other guy tells me he used to use it, but has it memorized. OK, seems like a decent table. Well I go on getting crushed. Ass Raped might be the correct word. I have to pick up only after about 20 minutes of playing. Down $500. I decide to go back to the New York New York to grab some pizza, take a shower and relax before my evening comeback. But for some reason I don't take a cab and decide to walk back. In 120 degree heat.

As my contacts melt into my eyes, I end up buying a $1 water bottle on the street and tip the girl $4. Why? That's how drunk I was. So I pass Caesars, and now I enter into the hated Belagio. I decide that I will walk through the Belagio, hit the men's room to piss, check out the scores of the game and exit on the opposite end of the casino, cutting down on some of my outside time. Well as I'm leaving the sportsbook I pass by the craps table. I stop, JUST FOR A SECOND, to watch what's going on at the $10 table and an older guy brushes by me to get a spot at the table and throws (and I mean throws) a wad of money at the pit boss. It wasn't in a mean way, just in a weird I have a 6 inch wad of $100 type of way. And he is yelling at them saying that he wants bets on this current roll, despite them trying to count the money. $500 on the pass, $2000 odds, $500 come, $100 on the hardways, $500 9. And to top it off, he asks for the money back, breaks out an equal size roll out of his other pocket and chucked it to pit boss. I think he had at least $15,000. I really don't know how the dealer and the pit boss stayed so cool and did everything correct. Plus they now had to deal with my $300 coming into the game. How could I not play next to this guy? As we were all waiting for our chips, two very young, but hot girls walk right past us, with the guy saying, "I could buy them you know." What does that mean? I'm so out of my league right now. I'm still wearing shorts and a tee shirt. My eyes are blood shot due to the drinking and the heat on my contacts. Anyway, this guy has a strong French accent. So the table is very choppy and the next guy to roll looks like a king loser. He just looks beaten down and has 6 out written all over him. I mumble to the French guy next to me "Hmmm, you know what would be perfect right now", and he looks at me with a smile and says, "Yup". We both started to bet the Don't Pass line. With my $10 and his $100, the guy rolls a 6. For some reason I put full odds on the Don't Pass and then laid another wager on the Don't Come. The Frenchmen follows. Out go the dice.....9. OK, not too bad. We put max odds on that one and we just wait. Out go the dice.....10. Whatever. Out go the dice....7 out! The Frenchmen and I both smile, make a little chirp, and both say at the same time "No celebrating." We then go back on the passline and everything is fine for the next 10 minutes. The table gets choppy again and the same guy comes back up to roll. Without even looking at each other, the Frenchmen and I were on the Don't Pass. I'm going to shorten this up a little for the blog, so I was betting $10 with full odds on the don't pass and come lines. So was the Frenchmen, but with $100 and full odds. And then the train was derailed with a roll of 11,7,7,6,4,10,9,8, 6,8, 4,10,9,7. Now there were a few other numbers in between, but it started off bad, and it ended even worse with this guy putting out a shitload of numbers and bringing them ALL back in. I was flat broke since I kept on going into my pocket to cover the odds on the don't come. The Frenchmen? Slammed his hand on the rail, picked up his remaining chips and stormed away from the table. Not even a goodbye??

At this point, I'm hammered, and down pretty bad for the day. I grab some pizza, watch the Indians cover the over (ugh), and then I go shower to make an evening comeback. It is now 8:00pm and I'm really tired. I go downstairs, play some more craps and do pretty well. Combine that with a decent run at roulette and somehow I'm only down $400. Head upstairs to watch the rest of the Dodger game and fall asleep.

Wake up at 5:30am, and I'm downstairs by 6:00am to get a cup a coffee and find out the morning odds. The sportsbook is closed and no updated odds. Walk over to the craps table and find an empty $5 table. Don't mind if I do. Go on a pretty solid run and I'm up $200. I'm having a great time by myself and listening to the pit boss and one of the dealers talk about this new war computer game. Then all of a sudden I get this drunk guy who comes up right next to me with about $1600 in chips (he colored up at my table and then decided to play) who is just babbling about something that happened at the other table. Right as he gets his money on the board I hit a 7. Ha!! So its his turn to roll. Umm. Apparently not. The pit boss from the other table comes over and whispers something into my pit boss's ear and then their boss comes over and says "You have been banned from rolling." Well here is what happens next:

Drunk: I told Frank I didn't mean to hit him with the dice.
Floor Sup: That isn't what he said. I'm sorry, but you are banned.
Drunk: That's bullshit. It was an accident. I can't believe this. This is bullshit.
Frank (pit boss from the other table): You hit me in the head with the dice John. You're drunk and you knew exactly what was going on.
Drunk: Get the fuck out of here, blah, blah, blah
Derek: Two dollar any
Dealer: That's a bet
Derek: Can I roll yet?

So I sat there and listened to this drunk guy yell at two pit bosses and a Floor Supervisor and he wasn't tossed, just was banned from rolling. I think only Billy Nogle and this guy have ever been banned from rolling.

Well, that's about it. A lot of fun and I think I could do this again by myself. Had a nice run there for a while with craps. I will post some more on my other comments on Vegas tomorrow. And Curr, I'm not lying.