What has happened....

This site is starting to look a lot like the Hereford Nine site. Ugh, next thing you know I'll be posting my top five favorite movies. Anyway, here are three quick questions for the group.

1. Is it appropriate to incorporate "Jonnycakes" into a wedding speech?
2. Do you tend to drive home faster when you have to drop a deuce or when you have really good take out food that you don't want to get cold?
3. With all the shit that is going on right now in the world, why the hell are the Dixie Chicks on the cover of Time? And why are they on 60 minutes. Does anyone care? They should be spending more time on items like Jennifer Anniston being naked in her new movie.

Good thing there's no one in the hotel rooms next to me

Wow. I haven't jumped up and down that much over a Cavs game in.... well, ever. This is totally unexpected. We are now hosting a game 6 with the possibility of closing out the Pistons at home.

I could say that "yes, I knew this could happen!", but I am on record in saying that we would lose in 5.

No predictions whatsoever. I refuse to believe we can win this series until the clock strikes zero in game 6 (0r 7) and we are ahead and the referrees are running off the court.

Switching topics:

1) Five words that I never thought I'd say:
"Pastor needs a hard four!"
We had the pastor and his wife over last week for dinner - and he saw the craps table, so we played a bit. Yes, I think I am going to hell. His wife asked me "So, do you play this in the casinos". I replied, yes, I do (and then Janice brought up the Vegas trip). "Oh!", she said, "how much money do you play with?"
How am I supposed to answer that? I lied and said "oh, about $100".
"That's fine", she said, "that's like a nice night out".

I quickly changed the subject.

2) We went bowling for Mother's day - well, not WE, but Freddie, Warren and I. Went bumper bowling. On the lane next to us was a group of 4 or 5 mentally challenged 20-somethings. I'm dead serious; apparently they are regulars at the alley. Every shot they wanted to give us a high five, or show us something. They were extremely nice, but you never know what they were going to do next.
And then I had Freddie and Warren - Freddie was great; he actually went up and rolled by himself many times - but Warren was a handful. He was all over the place; even a bubble gum slush puppie couldn't keep his attention.

How did I do, by the way? With Freddie and Warren and the group next to us, I rolled a 198, with strikes in the 5th, 6th, 7th, and a strike out in the 10th. A damn open in the 8th. Derek has already called that one of the top 10 athletic acheivements of my life, given all the distractions. Maybe I need to bring the boys along for some golf tournaments this year.

Kermit, is this you?

Manure missing in Kermit's hometown.

He said he was going to the racquetball club on Friday. Was he lying?

Political topic of the day

So I stumbled across a little of Air America last night and listened to one of the hosts just go off about the NSA Phone records thing.

His main point, in summary, was that "you people who think that it's ok for the government to listen to your phone records are idiots!" You people think that "why not? I have nothing to hide!". No! That's not the point! It's not for you to decide - the government decides whether you have something to hide! You may feel like you have said nothing wrong - but it's the government making that decision ! Do you want to give the government (and Bush) that power?"

Hopefully, I summarized his point well - and it's a not a bad one. Do we want to give the government this overarching power in time of war? It made me stop and think for a bit.

But then he continued:
"Some think it's OK because we are at war. With who? Al-Qaida is not a threat. Oooh - I'm not scared of that group - they pose no threat whatsoever to America! And this is the cover that gives Bush the right to obtain your phone records! There is no war!"

That's when I almost drove off the road. So, he believes one of three things:
1) Al-Qaida was NOT behind 9/11, and therefore is no threat to the US;
2) Even though Al-Qaida was behind 9/11, they still are not a threat to the US (I guess 3,000 deaths does not constitute a threat), or
3) Al-Qaida WAS a threat on 9/11, but are not now - which means Bush's war on terror is working.

Everytime I get depressed and think the Republicans will lose control of the House and Senate this November (and believe me, they've made enough mistakes over the past year), I see the base thoughts of Democrats and liberals through statements like the one above - and I feel a little better about the chances of the GOP staying in control.

Road Trip Notes

Drove out to Iowa this week - back to the plant for business. I finally completed the I-74 Casino Quinella! I have now visited all casinos within range of I-74, the interstate connecting the Quad Cities to Cincinnati. Stopped at the Par-a-Dice casino in East Peoria on the way back.

1) All the felt was not green colored, but a desert-beige. Shouldn't it be a law that craps needs to played on a green felt? I couldn't pick up the dice at the far end of the table very easily.

2) Likewise, the craps tables were giant-sized; more and more casinos are moving to larger craps table to accomodate more players. I still haven't got the hang of throwing the dice well at those larger tables. About 20% of the time one of the dice bounce around and out of the pit.

3) Everytime I go to another casino, I am amazed at the shoddy customer service that the Monte Carlo had. When I went to Belterra for the bachelor party in March (which I blogged about), that put me onthe mailing list and now I have received vouchers for $60 in cash and 2 free hotel nights. At the Par-a-Dice, I plopped down $200 at the craps table - the pit boss introduced himself, asked me if I had a card (no), made one for me, and when I left, thanked my by name. It's little things like that which make an impression.

Of course, I can't foresee any event in the future where I will go to Peoria again....

4) Bad night for rolling. True story. I was in the "straight away" position, standing to the left of a local named Frank (whom everybody seemed to know). I have been there for a bout an hour, and my rolls were not good at all. Frank had a good roll - about 10-15 minutes or so - and then sevened out. Then the dice were passed to me; I rolled a 6 on the come out.
One of the guys at the table yelled "all right, Frank, let's hit it again".
I looked at him funny; Frank looked surprised and said "no, he's rolling, I sevened out."

Without missing a beat, the first guy said in an audible voice:
"Oh, crap".

Of course, the next roll was a seven.

5) That's it - I'm done with the come and betting just the 6's and 8's.

6) Switching topics, here is Eric's Subway principle: if you order a combo and get the cookies instead of the chips, the cookies are technically a side item and you are free to order dessert later in the trip.

7) I stopped at an Arby's later for a Jamocha shake - they had small, medium, and large size. I got the large - my God, that can feed a family of 4 for 3 days! Not that I'm complaining about the size - I finished it. However, hey Arby's - if you are going to make thick shakes, how about giving us a straw that won't break when you try to inhale it in the first 10 minutes!

11 years old?

Don't know what pisses me off more, the fact that she is wearing a belly shirt while pregnant, or that she is only 11 years old? The attitude of this
irl is amazing.

Decathlon

Now that I have some extra time on my hands since my job isn't as demanding as before, I'm thinking about starting up the sports decathlon again, except that this seems to be the worst time to do so. So I racked my brain for some interesting sporting events coming up over the next year and here is what I came up with. As always, this is geared for you gambling addicts, so please let me know who is interested.

1. Golf - Not the majors, but four of the lesser tournaments so it is a challenge.
2. Ryder Cup
3. AT& T Track and Field Championships (Late June)
4. World Curling Championship (Spring 07)
5. FIBA championships- For those of you that don't know what FIBA is, it is the World Basketball Championships
6. Mid-Major College Basketball- pick the season winners of all mid major conferences
7. NIT Pool
8. NFL Pickem Pool- Well, not your normal pickem pool, but since there is a casino that posts the lines for all of the games at the beginning of the season, we will be making our picks against the spread at the beginning of the season.
9. World Cup Soccer
10. ??????

I have some ideas for the last one, but none of them are that good. Any ideas?

Speaking of Meatballs....

What a perfect segue to talk about.... Randy Johnson!! Is there anything better than delivering an asswupping to your rival in their own crib?? (actually, hitting the over in the 3rd inning comes close)

RJ looked totally lost and defeated, I don't know if he is D-U-N but I'm gald the Red Sox aren't on the hook for another $32 million for him.

And yes, I'm only posting this to infuriate the Zahn brothers (ie. Mr. East Cost bias, and Mr. why doesn't anyone pay attention to Cleveland!!!!). More Red Sox Yankees talk ;)

Subway Rocks.

Was going to write about how great the meatball subs are at Subway, but in the last meatball that I had for lunch today, had a 2 foot string of hair nested in the center. Mmmmm. Most people would of thrown up, but since Aunt Edna is a role model of mine, I just shrugged my shoulders and finished the meal.

Random Notes

Random thoughts on sports & other things....



1) Congrats to the Cavaliers! Damon Jones's shot with 4 seconds left in OT gives the Cavs their third one-point win in the series. What a great, competitive series. Two stars (LeBron and Gilbert) with less-than-spectacular supporting casts resulted in unpredictable games. And, somehow, the Cavs pulled all the close ones out. I may not be as excited as LeBron and Damon in the above picture, but this is a fun ride that's not ending just yet.

Prediction, however, for the second round: Pistons in five. When the Cavs NEED inconsistent Donyell Marshall, insane Z Ilgauskas, and unknown Flip Murray all to show up just to beat the Wizards, the Pistons will make sure the supporting cast is beaten down. We'll be lucky to win a game 3, and that's it.

2) This was the 30th anniversary of the "Miracle of Richfield", the seven-game series vs. the Bullets in the Eastern Conference semis. This was the first playoff appearance for the Cavs, and they won games 5 and 7 with last second shots.
The Cavs played their games (up until 1995 or so) at the Richfield Coliseum, a place that can be nicely described as a white elephant in a cornfield. Apparently, the planners thought that Akron would become a budding metropolis, so they built the arena halfway between Cleveland and Akron off of I-77, near the Ohio Turnpike. It wasn't developed then, and the area still is not developed. It was a desolate location, not inducive for turning out good walk-up crowds. Thank God the Cavs moved downtown in the mid 90s.

3) You may see a man behind the table of these games; this man is dressed in the K-Mart version of a Lou Carnesseca sweater, is about 65 years old, balding and overweight. He's Joe Tait, the voice of the Cavs since birth. One of the most underrated play-by-play announcers in the nation.

4) From 1988-1994, the Cavs lost in the playoffs to the Bulls a total of 5 times. I remember the 89 series (the Shot), the 92 (the best team the Cavs ever had; we lost in the Eastern Conf finals) and the 93 series (the last hurrah for Price, Daugherty, etc.).... but there were losses in 88 and 94 as well. Hopefully, the Pistons won't become our nemesis for the next few years in a similar fashion.

5). Browns: Some may have seen that we have traded away Trent Dilfer to the 49ers for Ken Dorsey. At the time of the trade, I hoped Savage has a plan "B"...

and it looks like they have a plan "V".... "V" for.......yes, it's true.... VINNY!

(I better start praying for Charlie's health now.......)

6) You need to watch this clip from a minor league game in Alaska....

Plane crashes behind fence during game

Two comments that were submitted for this clip are golden:
a: "Do you have to return to the exact pitch count on that? How are you supposed to mentally prepare yourself for a 3-2 pitch when a f***ing plane just crashed out in left field and there was a 40 minute delay in the game. At the same time, how does the pitcher stay warm?"
b:"Harry Caray: "Hey! Do you think that Cessna's made out of cheese? If it were, would ya eat it? What if it was made out of spare ribs? Hey!""

7) Anybody else watch "The Daily Buzz", the morning show on UPN? I know I'm not in the right demographic, but it's good. Better than the other phony dreck on TV in the morning.

8) I love small airports. Arrive 40 minutes before the flight, check in is a breeze, the secuirty line has one person in it- and I still get to the gate 15 minutes before boarding.

Does MLB Have Direct Deposit?

This story is too unbelievable to be true... but apparently it is.

Jose Guillen has money management issues

This is a must read; once you are finished, the mind boggles with the follow up questions.

- Do check-cashing places really have $10,000 in cash?
- Was she planning to send the money in a box to the Dominican Republic?
- Players get paid weekly?

The mind reels...

Underwear

For my last post of the day, I just want to tell everyone how much I hate jeans day. I used to like it back when I didn't supervise anyone. But now, here is what I have to deal with.

I have three young girls in the office well under the age of 25. They all wear low rider jeans.....with no underwear. And I'm now starting to get complaints from the other women in the office. So I go over to check it out (its my job), and you can see right down their pants when they are sitting at their desks. And to top it off, the one girl has a mural tatoo of what I think might be a dragon and some stars going horizontal across her back. This thing is much larger than a normal tramp stamp and now can be seen by everyone since her shirt is riding up a little and her low riding pants is down below her crack.

I usually brush "attire" complaints to the side, but even this blew me away. Now here is the question. How do I approach the three girls on this subject of having to wear underwear? I'm thinking about giving this little job duty to my female manager to handle. I'm done with this shit. I can't believe I actually have to have a conversation with someone on this.

Brothers

Don't know why this made me laugh so much, since Eric and I were never like this, but I found it amuzing anyway. I don't even know who would be who? The only thing that resembles us is that the bathroom portion. http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1146394055/Mothers_Day_Picture

I think only a few of us will enjoy this one. He-Man combined with the Big Lebowski. Who peed on my rug?
http://www.dailysixer.com/hebowski.shtml

Ever-1

Brad, are you sure that you still want to marry Beth, with this lovely lady out there? Seriously, you would be the one sole human around when Skynet takes over the world in about 10 years.

And what is up with these crazy Koreans? Fake cloning? Cyborgs? Chang Ho Park?

Tournament #1 Recap - Back to the Drawing Board

The first event of the year is over - the Cinci two man team championship. Don and I entered for the first time; the format was a scramble the first day and a best ball (both play our own ball; we take the best score) for the second day.

We played at a beautiful country club in Kentucky; the set up was extremely difficult - 7,005 yards, par 72, with the course being extremely wet due to heavy rains before each round - no roll. Rating: 74.6/139.

The first day scramble started OK; westarted on the back nine. I hate opening on a 475-yd par 4, but Don played 3 great shots. I made a putt on #11 for birdie; Don hit a nice shot on #13, a long par 3, but we couldn't cash. #14 was a long par 4 with water in front and right of the green; a few bad shots later , we had a 20 footer for par that Don drained. We birdied #16 to go -2, but on #18 - an uphill, 460yd par 4 unto the wind, Don pulled his long approach left (don't ask where mine was) and we couldn't get up and down. Turn in -1, even though I did nothing off the tee (thank God Don had his driver working most of the opening nine).

I can't feel too bad about the bogey on the course's toughest hole; if that's the only crime of the round, that's like a misdemeanor. But don't worry, the first-class felonies are coming.

#1 is a slightly downhill par 4 of 370 yards. Don pulled his; my drive could charitably be described as a 190-yard duck. In the rough, I caught a flyer and my ball was the closest off theback part of the green; I lost all concentration and ran the chip by 20'. We missed the putt.

So - let's recap; 370, downhill par 4, relatively open - in a scramble, bogey.

We finished the rest of the round in -1; highlight was a 130 yard par 3 that we had to get up and down out of a sand trap for par!. We also missed a 3 1/2 footer. Overall, 71 (-1). Not good. We left a few out there.

Today was best ball; it was classic Eric golf for me on our opening nine; I hit 2 fairways, 1 green - and shot 39, with a missed 4 footer for par on one of the holes. (That came on #14, described above; I hit a 220 yard drive, a 5-wood that got about 10 feet off the ground that stayed out of the ater by 2 feet; and a great pitch to 4 feet. It wouldn't have been the greatest ugly par in my life, but it would have been in the top 25.) As a team, we shot 37, which I though was pretty damn good given the conditions. I think Don also shot 39 as well.

On the front nine, our second nine, we both did not play that well; we each shot about 41-42 and the team shot 39. 76 for the team (+4); we didn't make up that much ground. Our playing partners today were two guys in their 40s who were great; it was a stark contrast to the two 20 year old snobs we played with on Monday. Maybe my superios shotmaking was too intimatidating for them. Not everyone can play good golf when hitting an average drive of 208.4 yards!

By the end of the tournament, Don and I were like a married couple. I can confidently club him accurately now; our non-verbal communication speaks volumes. On the final par 3 today, I asked him what he was going to hit to a downwind, 195 yard par 3:

Don: "I have the three iron. A good, solid 3".
Eric: (pause) Ummmm.... (slowly) O. K.
Don picks up the 4, hits it pin high, and thanks me for telling him to take a club less. As you can see, I said nothing of the sort!

Seriously, though, my game is in shambles. Thank God Don had the driver working most of the time to carry us; I was useless. I am either leaving it out to the right, or lunging at it and bringing the duck hook into play. I had 4 good drives today - which was an improvement from Monday and the weekend - so it's in there; I just need to execute that swing consistently.

I guess a lot of range work is in my future. It's really frustrating right now. I have 3 separate mechanical swing thoughts in my head; that doesn't work in a tournament environment.

Must See TV

Before we get into golf blogging, I want to encourage all ofyou to start watching the NHL playoffs. I caught most of the 3rd period of last night's Edmonton-Detroit game - and I have to say it was the most thrilling period of hockey I have seen since the Messier guarantee game of 1994.

The 8 seed, Edmonton, a city who has not had a playoff series win in 8 years, had the top seed Red Wings down 3 games to 2; the game was tied 2-2 in the 3rd. The atmosphere was electric. Detriot scored with about 6 minutes left; then the Oilers came back with a mad rush and scored with about 3:30 left. It took the officials about 5 minutes to review the goal, as there were about 4 guys int he crease slashing away at the puck. It was allowed; the areans erupted.

And then, at the 18:45 mark, Edmonton scored again to take the lead. Even though the Detroit goaltender, Manny Legace, has been substandard all series, this one wasn't his fault - a brilliant rush, pass and shot by the forwards. 4-3 Oilers, as the whole stadium started hugging each other.

Playoff hockey in a Canadian city seems to be much more loud, alive, and emotional than any other US City (maybe with the exception of NY, Detroit, Buffalo, and possibly Philly). And a Game 7 in a Canadian city is a special event.

Wednesday night, we have such an event - Anaheim at Calgary in a game 7. These two teams do not like each other - the Duck goons went after Iginla in game 6 - and this should be a good one. Any Game 7 is must see TV; let's hope this goes OT. Game time is 9:00 ET/6:00 PT, so there is no excuse for anyone reading not to watch.

Social Security

Hate to steal this from RRD, but what is going on here? Jesus!!!!!! Can they do anything right? Can someone please do something to help us out here? That's it, vote everyone out of office in November and get new blood in there. I don't care if they are democrats or republicans. Get someone in there that will actually act on behalf of the people.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060502/ap_on_go_

Whatcha doing little guy????

This morning on the 405, I almost hit a little squirrel who was occupying the right hand shoulder of the highway. I don't think I've ever seen a squirrel, or any other animal for that matter, on a busy highway before. This poor little guy was freaking out!!!!! He was just running in circles which put him right into my lane. Since I was doing my normal 90 MPH, I had no chance to avoid him without causing a 20 car accident, but somehow he made it in between my tires and back out without any harm done. I'm usually not that sympathetic to animals on the road, feeling that they should know better, but I sort of felt bad for this guy since he obviously had no chance whatsoever. I've been involved in many strange animal accidents involving everything from chasing down a canary and having it's body stuck in my front grill with its head sticking out, to a cat falling from a tree that was hanging over the road and landing on all fours, looking right at me right before the collision with my left front tire. I could of swore I saw the cat mouth "Oh Fuck" before impact. But the oddest accident involved Richie and I doing around 70 mph on Phoenix Rd and seeing a groundhog trying to cross the road. I tried to avoid it, but somehow the poor guy got stuck in my back left wheelwell. After about 7-10 rotations of the tire and still hearing the thuds from the lodged groundhog, I pulled over. As Richie and I go out to inspect, the groundhog shot out of wheelwell and into the weeds, scaring the living shit out of both of us.

Here is hoping that the squirrel is as lucky as the groundhog!!!!

Dirty Gringos

On my way in today to work, what did I see flying from the overpasses on the 405? That's right, Mexican flags. Ugh. The apathy of the politicians in this state, as well as in this country is terrible. If Ben or I were smart, we should run for office solely on Illegal immigration and Gas Prices and we could probably win. Anyone want to donate?

Had a very active weekend. Played in a company softball tournament on Saturday. Got to the championship game and lost. Not too shabby since our team had never practiced and comprised of some really bad players. We lost to the office next to us who actually had try outs and 3 full practices. Then played football up in Santa Monica on Sunday. Full contact tackle on the beach. I'm not hurting as bad as the first time we played last month, but I have some really ugly bruises on my arm and foot. I have lost all of my moves though, but with the added weight I'm still able to bowl people over. Too much fun.

Had another three girls crying in my office late last week. The one girl was all upset because she is 24 years old and is scheduled to get married in 3 weeks and she wants out of the relationship. She actually said that she went out on a date with a Mighty Duck last week. Ummm. How can you go out on a date when you are engaged. Folks, this is not going to turn out well. I'm guaranteeing that the soon to be ex will be making an appearance in the office in May. Stay tuned.

Ben might be unemployed soon. He states that he and his boys will be making sweeps in the San Clemente area today. Watch the evening news tonight to see 4-5 frustrated Border Patrol Agents running their crusiers through a crowd of protesters. Should be entertaining.